She isn't the one but all I have

[jt15]

Hey guys and girls,

I really need some advice!
I'm 21 years old and have been in a relationship for the past 4 years. I have a great girlfriend, she's extremely loyal, funny, pretty and pretty much everything a man wants in a woman. She's the only girl I've ever been with and we've experienced a lot together. During the past 4 years, I lost touch with almost all my friends do to the fact that I spent so much time with my girlfriend. I see these friends every once in a while but they aren't great friends and they've shown that they aren't really interested in staying in touch. Anyways, despite me having such a great woman in my life I feel like there isn't really a strong chemical connection between us and that she isn't really my soulmate. I definitely have feelings for her but these are more feelings that kinda evolved over time and not really true love. Since I've never been with anyone else, I oftentimes wonder what a different relationship would be like or what it's like to sleep with other women. I feel like my current relationship never really revolved around love but more around attraction and we built on that, which may have been a mistake. I know a lot of guys would want what I have but I can't stop thinking about other women. This may sound extremely ungrateful and like a case of 'the grass is greener on the other side' but as long as I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend I feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm not the cheating type either.

Anyways I'm afraid of breaking up with her because I don't have any good friends who would help me get through it or hang out with me on the weekends. As mentioned above this girl is all I have. I spend all my weekends with her and if she isn't in my love anymore I won't really have a social life anymore either. I feel like I'd get extremely depressed if I broke up with her and wouldn't have anything to distract me but on the other side, I know I want to experience other relationships and have contact with other women as well.

So summarized: I have a great woman in my life who really loves me and she's all I have. However I don't think she's the perfect one for me and want to experience more. However since she's all I have, I would be completely alone if I broke up with her. Does anyone have any advice? I'd be extremely grateful!

Thanks in advance!

[Jcoops]

I have no advice my friend but sometimes I feel like you do so you're not alone!

[TheEvilJester]

This one is tough, so I certainly feel for you. The thing is, this is kind of a double-edged sword here that is really hurting both of you. A) Don't you think you deserve to be with somebody you are crazy about and thinking they were practically made for you? B) Don't you think she deserves the same?

I wish I could offer more optimistic advice, but this is one situation where, unfortunately, it is possible feelings will get hurt. You two are so close otherwise that it may be hard for her to separate the feelings and you may lose her as a friend AND as a girlfriend. Maybe you two can find a way to remain friends and not lose each other entirely, but that can be difficult. So, I can understand your hesitance, but again, you both deserve to be with the right person.

Do you have overly high standards and there is no reason you shouldn't be absolutely crazy in love with this gal? Well... none of us can really tell you that. Only you would really be able to decide that through some tough soul-searching that you really should do anyway. It is possible that maybe your standards are too high and you need to learn how to fix that in order to ever have a happy relationship.

That said..... It is entirely possible that your standards are NOT overly high.... but you just happen not to feel this gal is your true match. You can't help the way you feel about somebody. Even if she is a great gal, that doesn't automatically mean she is the right gal for you. Honestly, if you just don't feel it, that doesn't make you wrong.

It is a shame that you lost touch with all of your friends. Though any new relationship is exciting at first, you need to make sure you also make time for the other people in your life. In any serious relationship, your partner should be the most important person in your life..... but not the ONLY important person. Unfortunately, that had to be a lesson you learned the hard way. Have you considered trying to reconnect to some of your lost friends?

You could also consider getting yourself into some more socially based hobbies. That is a great way to make new friends. It worked well for me, and I am, by default, a ridiculously shy person. The bottom line, though, is if you do not feel that this girl is the right match for you, you owe it to both yourself and her to end it. I know you don't want to hurt her (and you are a good guy for that), but just think how much more it will hurt if you continue to allow it to go on longer, only for it to inevitably end.

That said, BEFORE you do anything, I would suggest you also first really think it out to your own self and make sure that is how you truly feel. If it is, please don't convince yourself you should just stay with her anyway.... I'm just saying make sure, first, that you aren't just freaking yourself out because you've not really been with anybody else and it has you worried. You certainly don't want to break it off.... only to then realize you were being foolish and you ARE crazy about her.... but now you've lost her. So, before you do anything, you do really need to have that sort of internal conversation/argument to decide which is the case.

Good luck to you. It won't be easy, but you really do need to do the right thing for both you and her.... whatever that may turn out to be.