What went wrong between me and my (former) crush?

[JPabon019]

I had a crush on a boy I met while briefly enrolled in an AFROTC program. I believe I was most likely attracted to his overall vibe and demeanor, but nonetheless, made several mistakes throughout the admittedly limited interactions I had with him.

Firstly, I publicly complimented and dedicated a sweet note to him on the Facebook page for my AFROTC flight as a form of encouragement.

I did so due to seeing that he coincidentally appeared to log in and comment on the page precisely after I’d post something, which I (wrongly) assumed meant something in particular.

It was the only time I ever chose to do this. Instead of messaging him constantly, I remained silent and would occasionally “like” some of the commentary he posted on the AFROTC page.

I never sent him a friend request either due to fear of what his reaction would be. Regardless, he later blocked me from viewing his Facebook profile without explanation.

Throughout our time together in AFROTC, he gave me mixed signals, often alternating between being very short with and acting passive-aggressive around me, and sometimes choosing to stand by my side and secretly brush his arm up against mine.

Nonetheless, I was often confused due to the fact that regardless of the times he tried to do this, he eventually tried to distance himself and do the same thing with another girl, which truly wounded me and made me feel stunned.

Unlike his younger self, he also began to publicly post shirtless, provocative post-workout photos of himself sometime during his enrollment in the ROTC program, progressively attempting to change his image and enhance his sex appeal.

He tried to emphasize the fact that he’d begun “working out” when I confronted him on his seeming uncomfortable around me, acting flirtatiously and claiming he didn’t mind my being around him at all.

Most perplexingly, there were days during which he seemed somewhat more natural and even amicable around me when ROTC compelled us to interact, yet there were periods during which act coldly and speak to me abruptly, with a short response to whatever I had to say.

Despite the unclear signals I was receiving from him, I rather stupidly interpreted those subtle interactions he had with me as him being interested and softly touched him pinkie at one point, believing that it was appropriate due to what I thought were “mutual” feelings. Realizing that I had made him feel awkward, I tried to respect his space by quickly pulling away and moved to another spot in order to prevent further problems from arising.

Still, he overreacted to the incident, creating a huge scene afterward during which he humiliated me by informing half the detachment that I’d made him feel uncomfortable (instead of keeping the issue privately after practice and discussing it personally with me) and having the ROTC officers separate us from that moment on.

He claimed that I wasn’t “special” to him among the other girls and that he didn’t want to be bothered anymore during our time together in the program.

Because of the amount of mortification I experienced by what he did, as well as the compromising position he put me in with the cadre, I chose to quit the program to prevent further issues from arising (I was already struggling to keep up with the Air Force as it was, and my problems with him only further aggravated the situation).

Later, he completely shut me out of his life and any attempt I’ve had at apologizing has been met with rudeness and disrespect. He, if anything, snarled and acted holier-than-thou when I tried to make amends and clarify the misunderstanding, asking that I leave and refusing to discuss things with me.

Perhaps I came on too strong (making him feel threatened), or was simply not the girl he desired to be with. I know it is my fault mostly more misinterpreting things with him, but even so, why would a person I barely knew treat me so coldly? What exactly did he truly ever feel toward me, if anything at all?

Please answer respectfully. I realize that I had my own share of mistakes with him, but don't want any rude responses. Thank you in advance.

[melancholia]

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[TheEvilJester]

I don't know if it is just me, but I don't feel like you shared enough details here. I'm feeling like I don't really understand the full picture. If you don't mind sharing details, what were some of the specifics of what you said in the note on Facebook? At that point, were you two at least friendly, or had you not really interacted much?

The only thing I can think is maybe at some point you did or said something that made him uncomfortable. I know you didn't intend to, so I'm not saying you are too blame for that, I'm just saying maybe he got the obvious impression you were interested in him, but he just didn't feel the same.

Have you two ever interacted much? Talked? I feel like, despite your post being lengthy, we didn't really get any helpful details to be able to offer you advice.

What was it that made you start to develop a crush on him in the first place? Frankly, with some of the cold, cruel ways he has treated you even early on in your story, I'm not entirely sure I understand why the heck you even bothered to continue to pursue him. Was that not evidence enough that you'd be better off avoiding him?

Unless the details you are leaving out clear the picture up a bit.... my honest gut reaction is that you are better off anyway. From what you did share, he sounds kind of like a rude prick. Why would you want to be with somebody like that anyway? So, you dodged a bullet here. It sucks it had to happen in such an embarrassing way, but it is so much better than if you discovered how much of a jerk he was AFTER you two actually got together.

He most definitely could have and SHOULD have handled that situation much better. Embarrassing you like that in front of everybody was wrong and downright deplorable. Unless you were stalking him, and continued to do so after repeated attempts on his part to politely ask you to stop, I can see no validation for acting like that.

It sucks you had to learn it the hard way, but it sounds like you deserve better than a jerk like that. I know how hard that can be to realize when you are still hurting from rejection, but in time you will see that. Even better, some time you will find the right guy for you and see why you should never have even wasted your time on this fella for even a second.

Good luck to you.