Hi,
This is my first time posting and I was hoping to get some advice.
I met a guy a few months ago and I'm completely in love with him. He's just everything I could want in a guy. I know his flaws too, but still I love him all the same.
Unfortunately, we are in a long distance relationship. At first I found it really tough as I was worried that when he went there was a risk that we could loose our connection. But since visiting him I feel a lot more secure and assured that we will be ok. Long distance isn't ideal, but I am in the frame of mind that it could work if we do it right.
But there is a problem on my part and I can't get my head around it. Yesterday, we had an argument. A fairly big one and actually probably only our second ever. I know that all relationships have arguments and that it is how you deal with them that matters. But I keep making one dreadful mistake. When the argument is going nowhere, and I feel totally misunderstood, I always end up implying or saying that we should break up.
It's terrible. And very unfair on him. I don't mean it to hurt him, at least not consciously. Though I realise now that it does. I don't think I do it to be manipulative either. In the moment I can become so emotional that I feel utter dispair, and it hurts. And I think to my self 'maybe the answer is to break up'. So I say it. And then I immediately regret it and realise its not actually what I want.
I've promised my boyfriend that I am going to work on this. It can't keep happening. But I can't figure out why I do it. And I feel like thats an important part of resolving whatever my issue might be.
So I'm asking, have you ever experienced similar? Do you have any advice for me to stop it happening again when I'm really upset? Any thoughts on why I might react in this way?
I'd really like to improve myself and would be greatful for any honest replies
Thank you.