Was she leading me on or did I misread things?

[Maalik]

I became really close with this girl at work. Bad idea, I know. I started working there last fall. We barely said three words to each other the first few months. Then sometime around the winter, I started to go out more with people from our office. And she….let’s call her Stephanie….would often come out with us. After getting to know each other, Stephanie and I started to talk more at work. At first, it was just friendly conversation. I looked at her like the rest of the girls at my job. Then our conversations started to get longer and heavier. She would often come back to my work space for 30 mins or more to talk. We'd hang out for lunch. Every time Stephanie had a problem with something, I was the first person she came to. We'd basically find excuses to be around each other for most of the day. To the point that other people began to notice and started to comment on how close we were.



I could never tell if she was just a flirty person in general or if she was interested in me. At first, I requested her on social media. We messaged back and forth online. She'd like everything I'd put up on FB/IG and always posted things on my wall. After two weeks or so, she gave me her number. And from there……we started to talk a lot. Every other night we were on the phone or texting. She'd text me 40-80 times a day multiple times a week (3-4 days a week maybe). We got to know each other extremely well. She’d always send me pictures of her, her friends / family, pets, her house, funny stuff she wanted me to laugh at. Shared extremely personal things about each other. She’d always call me and talk about whatever was going on with her day. Now that I’m writing this, it’s extremely clear that I should’ve had made a move a lot sooner. But to continue with the story, I would have been okay just being friends with her but, everything she did made it seem like she wanted more. She showed a lot of IOIs. She would smile at me. I’d catch her staring at me from afar. Every time we spoke, she would always fidget with herself and run her hands through her hair. She would laugh way too hard at stuff I said (I’m not that funny). Some times when she’d walk away after one of our conversations, she’d turn back around and smile at me. She would stand close to me (close enough to smell my cologne). She would find reasons to come speak with me, as I stated in the previous paragraph. She talked to me the whole time she was on vacation. She would ask me extremely personal questions and also try to gauge my future plans (and I her). She would also bring up future events, suggesting that she wanted to do them together. All of this, in addition, to us talking every night.



So I get it….I’m a major pussy. I should have asked her out by now. It’s been about 3 months. I decide to ask her out to a museum. I asked her out to the museum because she talked about how much she wanted to go. There’s a mix up with our schedules, so we don’t make it. No big deal. We continue to talk and flirt every day. Though now I look back on it, she said “thanks, dude” once, which might have been her way of signifying that we were friends. But either way….the next week, I ask her out to a movie. Now the entire day we were talking and messaging each other. When I asked her out, her texts suddenly became shorter and slower. She said yes, as she did to the museum. But I sort of got the feeling that it was a pity yes. And when I wanted to figure out what day she wanted to go, she said that her entire weekend was booked. No maybe next week or maybe another day. Just she was busy. So I left it alone, realizing that she was blowing me off.



I won’t lie. I got upset. I felt like she was playing games. I honestly would have rather her tell me she wasn’t interested in me than saying she was busy. I cut off contact with her. Avoided her at work. I know some people will say I was being childish but, it was easier to avoid her than to have to look at her every day. So after a week or so passed, I cooled down and decided to stop avoiding her. That brings us up to now. I’m polite and cordial to her but, I keep our conversations short at work. I told her that everything was cool and that I didn’t want things to be awkward between us. But they are. Again, I try to be polite and cordial to her but, I purposely keep things short. It’s just easier that way. I haven’t spoken to her outside of work in 2 weeks. Every time we bump into each other, we’ll talk for a little bit but, she’ll try to push for an extended conversation. She does this a lot. She still tries to come back to my work area. She still does some of the flirty things she used to do before. She still follows me around on social media. Essentially everything I put up on FB/IG she likes and comments on. She’ll say weird things that make me uncomfortable. A few days ago, she needed help on something big and I did her the favor. A simple thanks would have sufficed but, she went on and on about how I was always saving her and taking care of her. She was saying it in a really intimate way and it just made me feel she was preying on my feelings. A simple thanks would have worked. I just walked away. According to the hundreds of topics I’ve read on Reddit, my actions make me a “fake nice guy” and a massive manipulator who tried to used friendship to trick an innocent woman into a devious sexual relationship. Lol. Truthfully, I was just a pussy who was too shy to make the first move. I don’t understand her actions at all. I don’t understand how I was so wrong about everything. I can’t tell if she purposely led me on or if I just severely misread things. I have a lot of female friends and none of them ever did the things that she did. Bar none, the most confusing person I've ever met. I don’t know…maybe I did misread things.



**TL/DR** - I met a girl at work. We ended up talking / texting every day for months. She flirted and gave a lot of IOIs but, when I asked her out, she blew me off. After she rejected me, I cut off contact. Now she's flirting with me again.

[Bewilderbeasts]

She FriendZoned you bro. It's a classic. She likes you, but you haven't manned up yet so she sees you as a kind of a teddy bear.

It's also a classic that when you went back to being cool that she tried to get your attention back. She misses her teddy bear.

You've learned you need to man up when a woman gives you the green light. That's good. Now just keep playing it the way you're playing it, that's good. If she makes it EASY for you, pounce. I think you'll know what to do. Until she does though, just keep playing it cool, and get on with your life. Don't fret.