new romantic interest is circumcised and can't orgasm from intercourse? help!

[sexprobz]

So about a little under a month ago I took my friend's virginity. We've had about 3/4 sex sessions since then. The first time he couldn't cum from blowjobs or vaginal sex w/a condom. I knew it was his first time and so I told him not to worry, he's probably nervous and also might just be used to masturbating with a really tight grip or too quickly, but that could be changed if he "retrained" his dick with a different masturbation style. He slept over and the next morning we tried again and I suggested we try doggy (even though I can't orgasm from doggy) bc it might be the position best conducive for his orgasm. It took a little while but he came in this position and he was really happy. The next time I saw him we were drunk at his house with his roommates so we snuck into the basement and I tried to give him a blowjob again. It took such a long time and my mouth was sore after but I managed to make him cum.

The second time he came over he said he hadn't masturbated since he last saw me so that he could cum while looking into my eyes (what a cutie lol). I told him let's not use a condom this time (this is really risky for me because I have a protein deficiency and I cannot use birth control or I could potentially die) and he came rather quickly (don't worry he pulled out). I gave him another blowjob after a little while and it was still rather tedious but he managed to cum. He feels really bad that I get so tuckered out trying to please him and I don't really mind right now because we're in the honeymoon phase and I'll pretty much go above and beyond for him but I know that after a while I will probably get tired of putting forth such an effort because my mouth and throat are so sore afterwards. It really saddens me because I usually love to give blowjobs and I really want to please him.

The last time he slept over was yesterday and we were particularly unsuccessful. I was on my period so I wasn't super keen on having him over but I missed him a lot and he really wanted to see me so I told him **** it just come over. At first we weren't going to do anything sexual other than make out and maybe a blowjob, but he said he said he didn't care if I was on my period. Even though I love period sex, because its when I'm the most horny, I'm extremely self conscious about it because my most recent ex was really disgusted by my period. So we started ****ing w/a condom missionary position and I noticed he was doing a lot better (the first time he had trouble with rhythm and keeping his dick inside me) but for some reason I started to get dry and finding it difficult to orgasm? I mean I orgasm pretty frequently during sex (every 5 mins) so I'm usually drenched except for when I'm incredibly dehydrated. I was rather sweaty since it takes my friend such a long time to cum so I'm just going to assume I was dehydrated and sort of self conscious because I was on my period. But anyway, it was still taking a while so I said lets do doggy bc you seem to do better in that position. We started doing doggy and I think he may have hit my cervix? He has the biggest dick of anyone I've slept with so I've never had anyone hit my cervix before. I don't know if me being dry had anything to do with it. But whatever it was that happened hurt both of us a lot. I think me more than him because my vagina is still sore. Anyway after that we stopped because of the pain and we just chilled and talked. After a bit I tried giving him a blowjob and like the first time I couldn't get him to cum. He started feeling really bad because he had hurt me and he can't seem to cum for me. I tried my best to reassure him, that I don't mind and I'm going to help him figure this out and I'm still insanely attracted to him. He slept over and I woke up to his dick grinding against me. I was still really sore so I gave him a morning blowjob instead. This blowjob, although still one of the most difficult blowjobs I've ever given, was not as difficult as the other few times and I made him cum on my own. After this I inspected his dick. He is circumcised and I remembered my first boyfriend was circumcised and would also take a little longer to cum, although not nearly as long as my friend. I noticed my friend no longer had his frenulum which my ex told me is the most sensitive part of a dick.

I'm wondering if my friend's trouble is related to more than just "death grip" while masturbating. I feel really bad that sex is so hard for him and I want him to be able to enjoy himself with me and whoever else he ends up with. Even though he's rather extroverted, super ****ing funny and really handsome he's extremely self conscious about women because he's a little chubby and couldn't find a romantic or sexual partner for so long (we're both 25). This sort of baffles me because he's a really great guy, witty as **** and a literal genius. I've seen other not nearly as exceptional boys with similar body types get with some hot chicks. Please help because this guy is one of the best guys I've ever met and he's lead a particularly sad and tragic life and I really want him to be happy. I also don't know if I should tell him about his situation. When I told him he didn't have a frenulum he didn't even know what it was or that he was supposed to have one. From what I've read most men w/out their frenulum are devastated by this and claim they have no hope of having good sex and that most girls they end up sleeping with are extremely disappointed and end up feeling extremely emasculated. My friend however seems to be okay if we're not using a condom, but like I mentioned earlier I can't take birth control so I don't know if that's an option for me.

PLEASE NOTE: I do NOT care if he can't cum from sexual intercourse. I don't think sex needs to always be about orgasms. However it is really important to him that he be able to cum inside me while looking into my eyes. Yes I admit this would be nice to have, but I really could not care less if it doesn't happen. I just want to give him what he wants. I was harassed by someone on another forum claiming that I am an insensitive narcissist incapable on empathy. So I just need it to be clear so no one misinterprets my intentions.

tl;dr: My new FWB and possible future bf, who is circumcised and no longer has his frenulum, has trouble reaching orgasm from intercourse. He's already self conscious and has had a really tragic life as it is and I'm worried that this could crush him. PLEASE HELP!!!

[Wakeup]

Thanks for all the TMI:

Anyway:

He feels really bad that I get so tuckered out trying to please him and I don't really mind right now because we're in the honeymoon phase and I'll pretty much go above and beyond for him

... and ya see folks. That is exactly why so many men now a days are opting out of monogamy and committment and choosing instead to bed easy women until the honeymoon stage is over and then it's onto the next piece of fluff.

He doesn't have any problem other then he lacks an emotional connection to you. When you tire of "trying" because the honeymoon period is over, I suspect he'll find a partner that actually has an emotional connection with him and he'll pop just fine.

Time will tell.

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BTW: Your lack of safe sex practices is appalling. Please do the right thing for your sexual health and your unfortunate yet to be concieved children and start using a condom, even if the guy can't cum.

[basilandthyme]

When I told him he didn't have a frenulum he didn't even know what it was or that he was supposed to have one. From what I've read most men w/out their frenulum are devastated by this and claim they have no hope of having good sex and that most girls they end up sleeping with are extremely disappointed and end up feeling extremely emasculated. !

*head desk*

I am Gen X Australian. And most men here of my age and older are circumcised. Being circumcised does not have an impact on their sexual ability. Almost all of the guys I've slept with have been circumcised and nobody has ever had the trouble that your guy is having. I have no idea where you're getting this ridiculous information from, but it's completely false.

As for the frenulum, it's not removed with circumcision. Perhaps his is small, but I highly doubt that his dick is in any way broken

Stop spouting uninformed rubbish at him.

[Lilly328]

Well I don't think him being circumcize is the problem. Maybe he is just still to new to it. Or could it be possible it's your body that's not making him reach his orgasm? Not trying to be offensive, but sometimes that is the case.

[dontaskme]

I suspect he doesn't find you attractive enough to orgasm.

[sexprobz]

Thanks for all the TMI:

Anyway: ... and ya see folks. That is exactly why so many men now a days are opting out of monogamy and committment and choosing instead to bed easy women until the honeymoon stage is over and then it's onto the next piece of fluff.

He doesn't have any problem other then he lacks an emotional connection to you. When you tire of "trying" because the honeymoon period is over, I suspect he'll find a partner that actually has an emotional connection with him and he'll pop just fine.

Time will tell.

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BTW: Your lack of safe sex practices is appalling. Please do the right thing for your sexual health and your unfortunate yet to be concieved children and start using a condom, even if the guy can't cum.

sorry maybe I have been unclear. I only decided to try sex without a condom as an experiment to see if the condom was a huge issue concerning his ability to orgasm. I was only going to let him do this for a few seconds and then ask him how it felt, but he came rather quickly which was unexpected. As I mentioned, for medical reasons I cannot use birth control so I would like to find other options that do not include the pull out method.

And I will not stop trying. I just probably won't be blowing him so frequently bc it hurts A LOT. My throat and tongue are sore for days after. We do have an emotional connection and we would probably be dating if it were not for reasons I won't mention on this forum.

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No he had a crush on me first and admitted to me that he used to masturbate to me all the time. I don't really have a lot of self esteem but because of the way he behaves around me I doubt its because hes not attracted to me.

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*head desk*

I am Gen X Australian. And most men here of my age and older are circumcised. Being circumcised does not have an impact on their sexual ability. Almost all of the guys I've slept with have been circumcised and nobody has ever had the trouble that your guy is having. I have no idea where you're getting this ridiculous information from, but it's completely false.

As for the frenulum, it's not removed with circumcision. Perhaps his is small, but I highly doubt that his dick is in any way broken

Stop spouting uninformed rubbish at him.

No he doesn't have one at all. You should do some research about circumcisions gone wrong. And I already mentioned in the post that one of my exes was also circumcised but he never had trouble reaching orgasm bc his frenulum was intact.

[SuperHappyTime1]

We do have an emotional connection and we would probably be dating if it were not for reasons I won't mention on this forum.

Okay, the story you told was really disturbing. What could be more disturbing that that?

[smarta$$]

Ugh. Leave the medical advice to a doctor. Google doesn't award medical degrees.

Here's a bit of advice: try googling Occum's Razor instead of circumcision.

[basilandthyme]

I agree that he may not be into you. Despite rumours to the contrary, there are men who need an emotional connection to have sex. Or at the very least, be sufficiently attracted to the girl.

Given that looking into a girl's eyes is important to him, I would imagine that emotional connection is important to him. And if you're not his girlfriend......

[sexprobz]

Okay, the story you told was really disturbing. What could be more disturbing that that?

How was that disturbing? The inclusion of those details are important to finding a way to fix his issue. I'm sorry if sex disturbs you but if that's the case maybe you shouldn't be hanging around a subforum marked as "intimate"...

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I agree that he may not be into you. Despite rumours to the contrary, there are men who need an emotional connection to have sex. Or at the very least, be sufficiently attracted to the girl.

Given that looking into a girl's eyes is important to him, I would imagine that emotional connection is important to him. And if you're not his girlfriend......

He is into me. Before we ended up having sex (weeks before) he admitted to me that he's had a crush on me for about a year (we've been friends for 3 years) and masturbates to me frequently. We would be dating each other right now if it were not for the circumstances. I have never had a FWB before nor do I particularly enjoy having non-committed relationships. Do some research about botched circumcisions and frenulums.

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Ugh. Leave the medical advice to a doctor. Google doesn't award medical degrees.

Here's a bit of advice: try googling Occum's Razor instead of circumcision.

or maybe we should just not bother trying to educate ourselves at all and do whatever the **** we want. Who cares that there's a plethora of information at our finger tips for free? I should instead pay money i don't have to a doctor or accrue years of debt in student loans becoming one myself. Maybe you should google occam's razor because you clearly don't seem to have that great of a grasp on the concept.

[melancholia]

There is a lot of horrifying information out there regarding botched circumcisions, the OP is not incorrect in that many men lose their frenulum, or (sometimes) even their entire penis, due to botched circumcisions. If the OP's friend doesn't have a frenulum, this absolutely could be a contributing factor to his difficulty in reaching orgasm, however, it doesn't explain why he can cum easier without a condom on - that is probably due to a lack of sexual experience on his part. We all know sex without a condom feels much better, for both women and men. Having said that - I do want to address the admission of the pull out method; it's only 60-73% effective at preventing pregnancy and is actually considered to be a "non-method". It is imperative that you take every precaution available to you to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, and that includes using condoms with a sexual partner. You already know this, but apparently you thought his pleasure was more important than your sexual health and safety, and that is never something you should compromise.

Maybe this guy is nervous. Maybe he just needs to get used to sex. We all have to learn what we like and don't like during sex. There is sex for the first time, and sex for the first time with a new person. I've been with guys who can make me cum in 2 minutes. And I've been with men who have never given me an orgasm. I've been with circumcised men who can cum in less than three minutes with a condom on; and I've been with intact men who take 20 minutes to cum, even without a condom on. It's all about allowing what is natural for that person during sex. Maybe you and your friend need to try a plethora of things before he can figure out what gets him off - I mean, believe it or not, there are men who don't enjoy receiving oral sex, and can't ever orgasm from a blowjob alone (just like women who may or may not be able to cum from intercourse on its own). Rather than telling your friend what is wrong with him (his nonexistent frenulum, which you could be mistaken because, unless I missed the detail, you aren't a doctor, or even a nurse) maybe try asking him what he wants, and what he likes. Talk to him and share each of your desires and needs when it comes to sex. He might not even know what he wants or likes yet, but opening the door for communication is going to help you get somewhere, rather than just doing the same thing over and over and expecting him to cum faster.

[sexprobz]

There is a lot of horrifying information out there regarding botched circumcisions, the OP is not incorrect in that many men lose their frenulum, or (sometimes) even their entire penis, due to botched circumcisions. If the OP's friend doesn't have a frenulum, this absolutely could be a contributing factor to his difficulty in reaching orgasm, however, it doesn't explain why he can cum easier without a condom on - that is probably due to a lack of sexual experience on his part. We all know sex without a condom feels much better, for both women and men. Having said that - I do want to address the admission of the pull out method; it's only 60-73% effective at preventing pregnancy and is actually considered to be a "non-method". It is imperative that you take every precaution available to you to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, and that includes using condoms with a sexual partner. You already know this, but apparently you thought his pleasure was more important than your sexual health and safety, and that is never something you should compromise.

Maybe this guy is nervous. Maybe he just needs to get used to sex. We all have to learn what we like and don't like during sex. There is sex for the first time, and sex for the first time with a new person. I've been with guys who can make me cum in 2 minutes. And I've been with men who have never given me an orgasm. I've been with circumcised men who can cum in less than three minutes with a condom on; and I've been with intact men who take 20 minutes to cum, even without a condom on. It's all about allowing what is natural for that person during sex. Maybe you and your friend need to try a plethora of things before he can figure out what gets him off - I mean, believe it or not, there are men who don't enjoy receiving oral sex, and can't ever orgasm from a blowjob alone (just like women who may or may not be able to cum from intercourse on its own). Rather than telling your friend what is wrong with him (his nonexistent frenulum, which you could be mistaken because, unless I missed the detail, you aren't a doctor, or even a nurse) maybe try asking him what he wants, and what he likes. Talk to him and share each of your desires and needs when it comes to sex. He might not even know what he wants or likes yet, but opening the door for communication is going to help you get somewhere, rather than just doing the same thing over and over and expecting him to cum faster.

Thank you for not being an ignorant asshole and actually taking the time to read my post carefully. I do NOT want to use the pull out method (hence why I asked for advice regarding other options but everyone seems to be ignoring this...). I only did this once as an experiment to see if a condom made that much of a difference for him. I was initially only going to let him do this for a few seconds (10-30) but he came before then. So at least we know there is hope. Also we are incredibly close and talk all the time so it is not lack on communication that is the issue; the first time we had sex he was very nervous but I told him its okay and we don't have to do anything till he was ready and we took it slow. I care very much for him and we've been close friends for 3 years already. I actually consider him one of my very best friends and we have lots of intimate knowledge of each other outside of the bedroom. He says he doesn't really know what he likes (aside from blowjobs, cowgirl- even though he cant cum in this position, and obviously not wearing a condom) so we are pretty much trying everything: every position we can manage, dirty talk, more romantic talk, bondage... etc. I really think its a combination of his circumcision and that he's used to masturbating for so long in a certain way. Someone on a different forum suggested I look into diaphragms (because lets be honest people here have been less than helpful preferring to harass me instead) but looking into diaphragms briefly (I will do more research when I have time) this method of contraception seems sort of risky as I'm not sure how to prevent semen from getting everywhere when removing the cup even if you cover it with spermicide... anyway.. thanks for actually genuinely trying to help me.

[lightstar]

does he experience pleasure upon orgasm?? if yes then his circumcision has not caused damage. The nerve behind/under the head is where most sensation is so as long as this is not removed, he should have no issues enjoying sex.

This could be a mental/psychological issue. Maybe he feels a sense of shame associated with sex?? or maybe he feels self conscious or insecure about his performance etc

or maybe he just needs more stimulation than most guys? he has cum with you lots of times so this is the most likely.. or else he would prefer different types of stimulation. Try slower, more gentle and see how that goes?

[melancholia]

Hi OP. I'm definitely trying to get a better understanding of where you're coming from, rather than just harping on a few minor details. However, I am adamant about people practicing safe sex and that one comment in your initial post made me nervous - only for the sake of your own health and safety - but I am pleased to hear you understand and practice safe sex on a regular basis, so there's no need to comment on that point further.

It seems to me that he just needs to get used to having sex. We can all make ourselves orgasm far quicker than another person can, due to the fact that (most of us) have been masturbating far longer than we've been having sex, and therefore, we know our bodies much better than another person would. Masturbating generally is for a quick-release anyway, so we all learn to adapt to a quick jerk in private when we want that release. Sex with another person involves a lot more mental, emotional, and physical stimulation. There is a lot more going on that can enhance an individual's experience, but it can also distract some people as well. The good thing is that he CAN achieve orgasm, it just takes a little more effort and stimulation for him to get there. Have you tried mutual masturbation, or tantric massage, or something you can use as foreplay to lead into sex? Maybe if he is stimulating himself for a longer period of time before intercourse, he may cum quicker when it comes time for a BJ or intercourse. It certainly does sound like you care about him, and that you want to try different things to make sure he enjoys the experience. I think this is something that will just take time for both of you to get into a groove so you can both fully enjoy sex with each other.

[Wakeup]

@OP: If you guys are "as close" as you keep trying to make us believe, then why are you not boyfriend/girlfriend? Are one of you under house arrest? Are one of you married? What? Surely there is no reason why two people who are sexually intimate and are so into one another (as you proclaim) can't be together in a more secure emotional connection then fvck buddies.

As for your birth control: Get to your doctor and discuss alternate methods then oral contraceptives and stop being so cavalier with your reproductive system. Google "IUD" and read up on that method. If you proclaim not to be able to be in a true relationship with him then pray tell how are you going to be able to raise a child together? If he's emotionally connected to you and you are not connected to him, and you opted to terminate a pregnancy, how do you think that is going to affect his ability to orgasm with you OR ANYONE ELSE in the future? Fear of pregnancy is a valid reason to have delayed ejaculation.

You are basically training him to NEVER want to put on a condom and if he has fear of pregnancy then you are exacerbating the delayed ejaculation problem by not having any form of BC in practice. Please stop that.

I suggest you google "Delayed Ejaculation" and educate yourself about that subject as it seems to apply.

Play safe.

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P.S. Stop relying on forums to get your education and go to your family doctor or a free planned parenthood clinic. You are so cavalier about this that I have a hard time believing that you practice safe sex as a rule.
No one is harassing you either. We are trying to educate you and to stop you from ruining this poor boys future sex life by mis-diagnosing him and making him fear having to father a child with someone who isn't committed to him in any way.

Read and learn and stop being offended when you hear shit that goes against your grain. It is all given with yours and his BEST interests in mind.

You've been called (as you admit) a Narcissist in another forum. Now you say you're being harassed here. You are the common denominator so listen up and learn... be proactive by going to a clinic or your doctor and get educated where you will learn the most without you feeling resentment.

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P.P.S. He should go to his doctor as well and rule out any physical reason for his own piece of mind. I'm sure with all this pressure being put on him and from the stress and exhaustion you are feeling trying to get him to pop is also just making things harder for him to psychologically relax so that he can just release.

I understand that you have the best intentions with him but it's time the two of you did the responsible thing and get off the computer and to the professional people who can actually help you both going forward.

I know I would absolutely hate it if I had a son, who was a virgin losing it to someone who wasn't in love with him and wasn't on birth control... teaching him through actions that its the condom's fault he's not shooting his load. Gah!

Be well, be safe... get going on that BC method best suited to you.

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There is a lot of horrifying information out there regarding botched circumcisions, the OP is not incorrect in that many men lose their frenulum, or (sometimes) even their entire penis, due to botched circumcisions.

I do believe that there has been botched circumcisions but the penis of the boy in question here does not seem to be disfigured but rather just that the frenulum is shorter then that of a man who has not been circumcised.

After reading the OP and the reposts, I'm convinced that the guys trouble is psychological added to inexperience and a chick who is just too intent on making him cum every single time.

Many woman are unable to orgasm easily and rarely do we see threads started by men like we do women when they are having trouble with a hard to cum partner.