Does he still like me?

[rachelann16]

I was in a FWB relationship with a guy for about 4 months. It started to become more than FWB..we hung out regularly whether it was him and I or with our group of friends, and we talked on a more than regular basis. Eventually hangout stopped and communication slowed. I let it go for a while in hopes that it would blow over but it did not. I finally brought it up to him and he said that it was because he was in a sudden relationship over the past month and did not mention it because he assumed I knew that was the case. I was completely bummed about him leaving me with the assumption fade away method. For almost 2 months I went without talking to him (except for the occasional hi or bye, or good game if we played each other in soccer). Since then I have been getting mixed feelings about the relationship that he is currently in. Some days his engagement in talking, laughing, joking, and flirting is high, while other days it is not. I've noticed that he still acts the same way around me when we were in our FWB relationship as he does being in his relationship now (he does not act this way around any of the other girls). I have also noticed that him and his girlfriend are constantly posting and tagging each other in posts on Facebook to make me jealous. He even requested to follow me on LinkedIn after deactivating my Facebook for a few days. Also, when his girlfriend gets brought up in front of me he has nothing to say about her or changes the subject. He can't talk about her in front of me, but can confess his love for her on Facebook after 3 months now? I have also gotten word from his roommate that he is beginning to change and become just like her. I can not stop thinking about it all because I feel it is not a relationship that he wants or suits him. Do you think he still likes me? What should I do?

[melancholia]

You do not get to decide if the relationship he's in is good for him, or one that he wants. He gets to decide that, and he is entitled to change his mind about it, should he do so. I am sure your former FWB and his girlfriend are not parading their relationship on FB to make you jealous - they are acting like typical people in a new relationship, who are excited about it, and they are posting to FB. He is probably still attracted to you, at least on a basic level, and since you entered into a consensual FWB relationship, he assumes you are okay with how it went down. This is why people need to be more vocal about what they ACTUALLY want from a relationship. If a casual, non-exclusive relationship is what you want - explain that. If you want a more secure, exclusive relationship with someone - explain that. Don't continue to talk yourself out of how you actually feel just because it's easier, or less scary in the moment. If you want to be in a relationship with someone, tell them. Clearly, this guy found more potential for a relationship with his current girlfriend than he did with you. It sucks to hear, but it's not the end of the world. You should be with someone who actively chooses to spend time with you, and who loves and respects you the way you are.

[TheEvilJester]

As melancholia says, you and he entered into a mutually agreed friends with benefits type situation. So, that implies that you cannot expect a deeper connection. However, it doesn't imply that you CANNOT get deeper feelings, and if one or both of you did, you need/needed to talk about that and decide if your thoughts and feelings on the relationship still coincide. If you were feeling you wanted something more serious, you were well within your right to ask. Maybe he'd have been interested, maybe not.

Unfortunately, though, now it is a little too late. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to blame you for not making a move. I understand how this may have felt awkward and how part of you almost tried to convince yourself not to mess with a good thing, so to speak. I understand why you didn't, and I understand our advice in that regard comes too late.

Now, though, my personal advice would be to move on and forget him. IF the two of them break-up, then MAYBE you revisit it then. For the time being, though, he is in a relationship. Are they truly madly in love? Are they secretly miserable and approaching an inevitable break-up? You don't know, so you have no choice but to operate on the assumption that they are together. Either way, you don't deserve to be kept in limbo waiting for something that may never happen.

So, don't waste any of your time. Forget him and look for your match elsewhere. I know that can be hard to do at first if you developed feelings for him, but if it didn't work out for him that just means he wasn't the right match for you after all. Who knows? Fate may still decide to bring you two back together, but let fate decide that. Don't put your own life on hold for something that maybe just wasn't meant to be. Get out there and find yourself a match who will want a more meaningful relationship with you.

Good luck!