Why Do They Insist on Keeping in Touch?

[misombra]

"That of myself which I most long to give you, you do not want. Would you have me struggle to suppress that in order to protect you from it forces while you take of me only that which you DO want? Would you ask this of me in the name of friendship? If so, I will try to do that task again."

i am feeling this.

it's taking advantage of somebody's feelings and justify it by claiming to be honest.

[whaywardj]

Et al (all of you):

What I DIDN'T say was that I and the woman I was referring to are together now. Not living together because of a few practicalities we have to spend some time re-arranging, but both wholly committed to working together in concert to make that happen.

Yes, it hurt me like hell and took me a hell of a lot time, effort and thought to process the great range of intense emotions I was going through in order to manage them in a way to accomplish only two things: respect her position as person; and not disrespect my position. By a similar token, she went through her own inner-turmoils upon realizing what she was doing. Once she processed her stuff, she came to what was, for both of us, a happy decision.

I can't speak for her, but I imagine seeing me making an effort to accept her for herself, rather than trying to make her into who I wanted, or having a melt-down around the fact she WASN'T BEING who I wanted, was more important to her than what she thought she was after elsewhere. I KNOW it was important for me to look beyond the narrow confines of who I WANTED her to be to know who she WAS so I could live up to one of my standards: respecting another person's individuality.

Yeah, she quit with the "I just want to be friends" shit real quick; and started with the commitment work in a deeper way than would have been possible if all the other HADN"T happened.

Whole thing took about five years to reach fruition. I've got shoes older than that.

Roll with the punches, folks. Roll with the punches. "Just smile and wave, boys."

[whaywardj]

Maybe nomas could copy these posts to a friend who could render them in Catalan. Might make a nice little tune. (PS: I LOVE Barcelona, BTW.)

[nomas]

Hayward...now you've gone and done it..

You've just given hope to all the rest of us who want to remain friends with hopes for the future!

But I'm with Aspi. Take the friendship for what it is and live your own life as it is logical to do so..as a free wo/man to date and explore opportunities with others. Really treat this person as just a friend with no special perks. Being a dormat will only lower your chances.

"We want what we don't have"

and if you make yourself so readily available, you won't be wanted..you'll be had.

[nomas]

Maybe nomas could copy these posts to a friend who could render them in Catalan. Might make a nice little tune. (PS: I LOVE Barcelona, BTW.)

Hada is the Spaniard..maybe she has a friend who could do that...I'm Mexican. (PS: I'd LOVE to visit Barcelona.)

[whaywardj]

Oh yes. It's VERY fine line, indeed. Knowing how to Tango helps. ;-)

[misombra]

tango is argentinian. flamenco is spanish. although there is a dance in flamenco called tango, but it's different from argentinian tango.

[whaywardj]

nomas: Ever been to San Francisco? Barcelona is San Francisco East...or is San Franciso Barcelona West? Whatever. One of the most beautiful cities in the world. Madrid? Think New York. As for Mexico, Villarta.

[whaywardj]

misombra: Your point being...?

[nomas]

Yeah, I've been to San Fran and I intend to do some European exploration next year.. it was going to be this year, but there was a change in plans..which I'll explain in some later thread because I had previously warned our European members..now I'll have to warn our West Coast members that this is where I'll be headed in about 2 months...

Funny you should mention Vallarta...I just came back from a vacation at Puerto Vallarta. All last week, it was great! Wait..make that 2 weeks ago...Wow, time flies..

[misombra]

misombra: Your point being...?

this is the second pretty rude thing you've said to me today. do you have some kind of problem with me?

and i was just stating some facts, is that a crime?

[nomas]

this is the second pretty rude thing you've said to me today. do you have some kind of problem with me?

and i was just stating some facts, is that a crime?

Alabama law:

Article 154, Section IIIc, Paragraph 3:

Stating facts is a crime punishable by smart-assed remarks, especially if the victim feels his/her intelligence/education was initially attacked.

[nomas]

More fun facts:

Tango was initially frowned upon as its beginnings were among prostitutes and other societal "undesirables".

Thank you.

[whaywardj]

"...Alabama law..." ROFLMAO!! That slays me. And you're SO accurate in your presumption! I thought when I read it: "What does this guy think I am? Stupid?"

[misombra]

hey, if the shoe fits. some non-stupid people don't know that.

and i'm not a guy.