I need help regarding my new relatinship.

[begoneof]

Hello guys. I've been talking with a girl for 10 days and we started to date. After a couple of dates, we are so good together and I decided that I have to initiate the relationship talk. All went well there (I suppose) she really appreciated it but after that day (yesterday) things are getting pretty rough. She does not initiate the conversation with me (but if I text her she responds fastly) and she never initiates that we should see each other. Today I asked her out, she wanted but she was late and she didn't appeared in time. We still met for some minutes but I had to leave for job. I don't know what happens, from the relationship talk she does not initiate conversation with me, does not initiate text conversation, does not ask me out or if she can't come when I propose she does not propose another date with me. When we met she is very lovely and happy to see me (lots of kisses and so on). I don't know what happened to her, she was so talkative before the relationship talk but now she is extremely distant with me. I don't see a relationship to be like see each other for 1 day / week and barely talk. I cannot initiate conversation all the time, I don't want to put pressure on her or to be clingy. What happens there? Can someone help me please? I don't know what happens but I have a massive crush on her.

BTW I'm not that clingy controlling guy, I'm a serious guy(21) studying uni and also having a good rated job.

[vgomes]

Hi there. Well, i'm probably not the best guy to help you on that, since i'm having some troubles on my relationship as well, yet they relate a bit, my situation and yours. BUT, that's not my point here. What i have to say to you is: people are what they are. Meaning of this? I've once asked myself the same exact questions "why does she never suggests going out with me?", "why when we go out, it seems hard for her to take the lead and choose the restaurant, or the movie...?". Ok, she used to text me, but she never took the lead to propose doing anything, you got the point. I think some women (men too, for sure) prefer to be more quiet and let their counterpart take the lead. Sure was that everytime i suggest doing something she agreed, and it was great.

Maybe she is like that, or she's just playing it safe for now. If you really like her take it easy, take a deep breathe and try to learn what works best and what does she really want!

I'm completely with you on you resilience on initating the conversation all the time, i know that it can be very frustrating over time. But again, if you're really up to her and want to see what the future holds for both of you, you need to keep calm... things will eventually come clear to you.

[begoneof]

I do not mind leading things, I always liked to choose where we go and we are going to do. Moreover, the only thing I do not like is that if I do not contact her, she won't even bat an eye. Also, I highly appreciate your help

[Wakeup]

What exactly did you say to her when you "initiated the relationship talk?"

[begoneof]

What exactly did you say to her when you "initiated the relationship talk?"

I told her that I want something more than usual dating and that I'm interested in a serious relationship. I also told her what things I do not want from a relationship like lies and etc. She was extremely happy to hear those and she wants it aswell.

[TheEvilJester]

Please correct me if I am misunderstanding the timeline of events here.... You talked to her for around ten days.... Then went on two dates..... Then during the second date had the relationship talk?

I don't know if maybe this is just me, but that seems two dates and only a couple weeks of knowing each other seems too soon for the relationship talk in my personal opinion. Of course, I'm no expert. I've not exactly had much relationship experience myself and am currently in a period of seeing little to no hope. So, I could just be wrong, but that seems a bit rushing it if you ask me.

Not only that, but if I am understanding your story correctly, you had the relationship talk with her YESTERDAY (or yesterday as of when you posted this thread, anyway). So, one day is certainly WAY too soon to be saying she's "changed." Maybe today just happened to be a busy day. How often/regularly do you two talk on a given day anyway? I fail to see how she could have so drastically changed that you'd have noticed it within a day.

I say just keep doing as you are doing and give it a few days. Don't start to panic and go overboard in contacting her or asking her what is wrong. Either way, that doesn't tend to work out well. If something IS wrong, you're only reinforcing it in her mind by freaking out. If something ISN'T wrong, you make yourself look paranoid and she may worry that you are too clingy.

In reality, none of us can really know what she may be thinking. We can't really even speculate with out more evidence. If it goes days and days with her seeming more distant and reluctant to get together, then maybe you start considering it may be time to just break it off. However, two dates is much too soon to be feeling like you are always the one having to initiate things. Heck, it tends to traditionally be the guy initiating things first, at least for a while. Not that it HAS to be, but it tends to be the guy's job to do the pursuing. Granted, eventually that should even out, but after only two dates, I think it is too soon to be worrying that she doesn't reciprocate.

All of that said, I would also recommend to you not to get too attached too fast. Believe me, I'm not trying to tell you NOT to be excited about a new relationship. What would be the point if you weren't? I'm just saying, you've been on two dates at this point. If she suddenly disappeared on your tomorrow, that should really be no sweat off your nose at this point. That would be her loss, not yours.

Anyway, I hope I was able to help even if just in some small way. Believe me, I for one most definitely understand that nagging paranoia that drives you crazy. As best as a random stranger on the interwebs CAN help, I'd be happy to help you rationalize things a little more sensibly. It's a skill folks like us sort of have to force ourselves to learn, lest we drives ourselves crazy with constant paranoia that the few actual good relationships in our lives (friends, family, romantic, etc.) are always doomed to eventually explode.