Hi,
I never posted anything like this on a forum or whatsoever before, but since I don't know what to do and I want to save my relationship so badly I felt like this might be the right thing to do.
I am a dutch guy living in the Netherlands, and have a mexican girlfriend that also lives there. We've been together almost for a year now. We've had our fights and things in the past, but this time it's more serious.
It all started a while ago, when we got into a little fight. She works for a big steel manufacturer and she told me before that the majority of the employees are male, and that it's not unoccasional that some of those men hit on her, or act inappropriate towards her. She mentioned she was going to a company party, which she got invited to by a colleague ( it was for a different part of the company, so not for everyone ). I told her to be careful, since she was gonna be one of the few women in there and because the combination of those kind of employees and alcohol didn't really come across as a very nice one. Besides, I always tell her to be careful and let me know when she's home again, since she lives so far away it's a calming thought when she has to go somewhere at night and she arrives there safely.
She got very mad because she felt like I should not have said that, because she said it was a company event, she claimed that I said all of them hit on her ( which I did not, I even showed her the printscreen of what i actually said, because I said she told me some of them hit on her or act inappropriate, and I didn't really feel comfortable that she would be there ), and so on. I did not really understand why she got so mad about it, since I didnt accuse her of anything or blamed her for anything, I just told her to be careful as I always do, things can happen, like what if her car breaks down somewhere and she's alone?
The other thing that made it all worse, is the following. Quite a while ago she told me she was going on a holiday with a friend from new zealand that she met here in Holland ( a little bit before I met her ). The thing with that friend is, she slept with him. I do not feel comfortable she's traveling with a single male that she slept with before. We had some arguements about that before, but whenever I try to bring it up and talk to her about it to make it a bit less awkward, she gets mad straight away, gets very unreasonable and it becomes impossible to talk to her about it. I should say I absolutely trust her she wouldn't do something she shouldn't, as she hasn't done that before and I therefor have no reason to not trust her. However, I do not know him, and seeing what history they have I don't feel like I can just trust him like that.
I talked to her about it and said I would feel more comfortable if I could at least have spoken to him, so there could be a bit more mutual trust and respect. I sent him a message on facebook, in which I told him I would have appreciated it if he would have talked to me if he considers my girlfriend his friend, and not try and meet up with her behind my back. I also told him I would not like it if he would try anything with my girlfriend ( he tried talking her out of having a long distance relationship with me in the very beginning, and when we were still dating he sent her texts to ask her if she would come sleep with him again ), and I even said I would like to talk to him because she says she considers him a friend and if she does I'm sure he's an alright guy and I maybe could get along with him fine. Instead of even replying on that message, he just told my girlfriend I sent him ' a message ' and did not specify to her the exact contents of that message. She got really mad about it, even though at first she agreed that I could talk to him.
The latest development is that I tried talking to her after letting it cool down for a day, and she told me that it's weird and disrespectful I talk to her friend if I haven't met him before. There's a bit of a paradox, because she also says she doesnt want me to meet her friends, since they are her friends. I think it's normal to at least know your significant other's friends if you are in a relationship. I went to Mexico last summer and met some of her friends, both male and female, and could get along great with them. I do not see what is wrong about meeting friends if they really are friends.
There's more that happened since a lot has been said, so I don't think posting it all here is wise, would be an entire book. I would like to know if what I did or said is wrong, if I might not understand things. I am trying to really save our relationship since I love her so much and I do not want to lose her. I am afraid she is gonna do something impulsive ( as she is a very impulsive person ) and has even threatened to leave me multiple times, and even said things like ' fine I'll just cheat on you then '.
I really want our relationship back to normal, and I hope someone here can maybe help me/us out. Even if it's just a tiny bit.
If you need more information feel free to ask cause I think my post is kind of chaotic to read.