Guy is flirting with my gf

[helloif]

Me and my gf know each other for about 6 months. I met her at a pub a few days after I moved to the village I currently live in.
We don't live together and meet up regularly, often visiting the same pub (there ain't anything else to do in the village at night)

So a few weeks after we first met, she was approached by a guy she obviously knew and they talked for a while.
I thought it would be a short convo, but they talked for about 30 minutes and she totally ignored me during that conversation.
As I hardly knew anyone in the pub I was kinda bored and annoyed that she ignored me. So we left the pub and I told her how I felt.
She told me it was an old friend she knew from the pub, with whom she talks from time to time.

So the months after that we visited the same pub 5-6 times, and I noticed the same guy was around, but he didn't talk with her (they made eyecontact though). He seems to be
a guy who loves attention and approaches every woman in the pub making stupid jokes.
Last saturday he approached my gf again (while I was sitting next to her again). And sure enough they talked again for about 45 minutes, and she was ignoring me again.
I tried to stay cool so i didn't show my emotion, but me and my girlfriend had a big argument afterwards.
I said: I don't like the guy, since he is obviously flirting with you. She responded with: I know you don't like him, but you can't forbid me to talk to anyone. it's just an old friend.
I replied with: okay, it's bothering me though..so I don't have to see you for a while. She said okay, that's your choice and she wished me a happy xmas and a good 2016.
We then went to our homes and haven't had any contact since then.

I know I am way too jealous, but that's cause I had 2 relationships in the past with girls who cheated on me (I wasn't jealous back then).
Anyway I don't know what to do now.. I do like her very very much.. but I'm not pleased with the situation. She likes to visit that pub as other friends of her visit it as well, so I can't forbid her to go there.
I can say the guy to leave her alone, but she wouldn't like it if I did that.

Any advice is appreciated. Should I text my gf to meet up, and what should I say to her then? Or should I stay with NC for a few weeks?

[smarta$$]

Although I understand that good manners should have dictated her behavior, I don't really understand why she *needed* to include you in her conversation... you have a mouth, don't you? You should have just included yourself! "Hey, my name is helloif, nice to meet you...."

Listen I get that you don't like a girl who is flirty, but that is what you have. Alcohol reduces inhibition and makes people more likely to interact. If you don't like it, find a girl who doesn't hang out in pubs.

[Wakeup]

I too would like to know why you didn't just join in on the conversation after introducing yourself (if your girlfriend was too rude not to have).

Besides, from what you said and she said "have a good Christmas and a nice new year" it sounds like she's finished with you anyway. If I'm wrong about that, I suppose you'll correct me.

You don't give ANY indication that she's flirty with him, you just say they talked and you sat there and what it comes down to, sulked cause they did.

[pro100pk2]

I am very jealous
I was always jealous of my ex

[benfletcher82]

Honestly? If a guy was hitting on my girlfriend with me right there and she was ignoring me, I would be rightfully upset too. The fact that it happened more than once would really piss me off.

I would take some time to think about it – if I value this relationship enough to give it another go. If you're going to ask her to meet with you for a chat, I would recommend talking about your relationship history, tell her that you weren't accusing her of anything and that you do trust her and see what she makes of it.

It doesn't hurt to try in my opinion. If there's something there then you'll know, if it's over, then you'll at least have some closure.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, I actually sort of agree with both schools of thought in this thread. On the one hand, I too had the same question. Why not just join in the conversation yourself? If then she blatantly ignored you that would be a whole different story. You could have just tried to participate and maybe the three of you would have talked, rather than her just talking to him. Believe me, though, I understand how you felt, especially considering you've been cheated on in past relationships.

On the flip side of the coin, though, I do agree with benfletcher. She was there WITH helloif. It isn't like they were two friends who just happened to wind up at the same bar. They were boyfriend and girlfriend who decided to go out to the bar together. Does that mean she should have to spend 100% of her time with him even if other friends are there? Of course not. But, she certainly shouldn't be blatantly ignoring him, and especially not to talk to some other guy. She can say "he's just an old friend" all she wants, but if the guy is hitting on her, that is NOT okay. Especially not right in front of her boyfriend.

Is this guy aware you are her boyfriend?

Either way.... even if maybe helloif DID overreact at first..... this girl's actions only made things worse in my view. You share your feelings with her and how this upset you.... yet she doesn't give a crap enough to actually understand and try to do better. IF IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU, then there would be no problem with her chatting this guy up. Since it DID bother you, she should have at least made some effort to correct the situation. Maybe that would mean her making the effort to include you in the conversation, or whatever else would help. She obviously blatantly didn't even care to consider your feelings.

If you think the relationship is worth continuing to pursue, maybe try sitting down to have a serious conversation with her. Just to explain how this made you feel and why. Does she happen to know of your history of cheating exes? If she cannot understand how your past could make you a little uneasy trusting somebody, and how that could make her actions upsetting to you, then maybe she doesn't deserve you in the first place. By the same token, though, IF she proves herself trustworthy, you also do need to eventually realize that she is and not worry so much. Don't let your past bad experiences hinder your present/future. Eventually you WILL find the gal deserving of your trust and you will never have to worry about that again.

Good luck to you either way.

[Wakeup]

Where does it say in the opening post that the guy was "hitting on her" or even "flirting" with her? Op: Do you want to clarify with us what, to you, constitutes "flirting" or being "hit on" because all you describe in your OP is her and he TALKING.

[TheEvilJester]

The title of the thread is "guy is flirting with my gf." He did also mention, in the first post, that he said to his gal that it seemed like the guy was obviously flirting with her. Of course, it may just be that he thought the guy was flirting and maybe he actually was not, but I could understand that if he's had exes cheat on him in the past.

[Gigabitch]

You're going to lose this girl if you try to forbid her to talk to someone in a pub. Regardless of her motivation or your reasons, this situation simply cannot be fixed that way.

The situation has probably played itself out anyway. Hopefully she's somewhat embarrassed about ignoring you completely for 45 minutes and the next time you two see this guy it won't be so bad.

Also, the novelty of seeing him there will start to wear off for her, especially if you try to frame it as "oh, here comes the guy who makes her act like a rude child" rather than "here comes my competition". Be honest with yourself: is he really a threat to your relationship or is he just an annoyance? If he's just a pain in the ass, do NOT feed her little power trip by acting like he's about to take anything away from you. That will just escalate things.

If he actually is a threat, you have to do some serious thinking about finding a new girlfriend.

[lightstar]

I think you are over reacting. They were talking with you sitting right there next to them-just friendly conversation which you could have joined in. When me and my SO socialize we talk to everyone both separately and together. I trust him so I don't really care who he talks to. I know this is a new relationship for you and its normal to question trust in the beginning but again shes talking whilst you are sitting beside her and it doesn't sound like she crossed any boundaries.

And you cannot "forbid" your partner from doing anything. That is controlling. All you can do is assess the situation and decide if her behavior is appropriate or not. If not, you discuss it calmly and explain why it upsets you.. if nothing changes, you break up. You don't tell her how to live her life or who she can or can't talk to or where she can go..

[Melo11]

Your "girl" will cheat you with him to avenge 90%.
She won't tell you, if you stay with her
Tell if you break up

Man, the best option for you is to hit girls much as possible at the holidays, no matter hookers or simple girls.
The point is to not let the fact of cheating eat you inside. trust me, works.