what does want from me?

[CantFindName]

hello guys

im in a very frustrating situation
i have this female friend i've known for 5-6 years over the internet,we were only friends,because...you know.. a lot of distance and we both had partners
but now she moved into my city for college,so we can finally hang out(she's here for the past 3 months)
its so hard to see her as a friend anynomore,no idea how that happened,talk to her...without making a move,i just told her to give me some space to fix things up because this is driving me crazy,it was weird for some time,but now its back to normal,but ...sigh...she is making it so hard,she acts like im her boyfriend,she touches me all the time,holds my hand while walking,kisses me a lot (cheeks,neck,hands),and last night she invite me over to her house for a movie,and we ended up spooning in bed
HOW IS THIS FRIENDLY?
i love this girl so much,im trying to go against my nature to not ruin the friendship but look at what's she is doing


important edit:she made it clear 2-3 times that she sees me only as a friend,but her body language says different,its not that i want to hook up with her that bad,but this kind of relationship is driving me crazy

do you guys/girls have any advice for me?

[Relationship T.]

She may not desire a relationship in this moment. That may or may not change, but there is obvious chemistry. Participate with no expectations. Don't push her into a relationship, she may come around on her own. If you are spending time together and enjoying some level of imtimacy, then her emotional desires might cause her to upgrade it into a relationship.

Acceptance.
No expectations.

Good Luck

[Wakeup]

Back off and don't be so available to her. If she only wants friendship then you shouldn't be letting her cross friendship boundaries with you. Don't continue doing bonding rituals with her like cuddling in bed. That's just YOU enabling her to not have to change a thing... why should she when you're giving her all the attention already?

Be friendly but stop being her faithful Labrador retriever. She will never want to be more then friends with you while you're giving her all that emotional validation.

Don't forget that while you're all hung up on her, you'll never be open enough in heart and mind to pursue a chick that actually wants to be your GIRLFRIEND and not just your girl friend.

BTW: You said you both were in a relationship when you first came across one another. What's the status on THAT situation now?

[CantFindName]

Back off and don't be so available to her. If she only wants friendship then you shouldn't be letting her cross friendship boundaries with you. Don't continue doing bonding rituals with her like cuddling in bed. That's just YOU enabling her to not have to change a thing... why should she when you're giving her all the attention already?

Be friendly but stop being her faithful Labrador retriever. She will never want to be more then friends with you while you're giving her all that emotional validation.

Don't forget that while you're all hung up on her, you'll never be open enough in heart and mind to pursue a chick that actually wants to be your GIRLFRIEND and not just your girl friend.

BTW: You said you both were in a relationship when you first came across one another. What's the status on THAT situation now?

im single,she is in a relationship with a guy she is planning to break up with,i can tell you the reason if it matters

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with Wakeup. I don't think that waiting around with things as is and hoping she will change her mind is a good idea. That will mostly likely only result in you getting your feelings hurt. You are most definitely right that the things she is doing don't say "just friends," but she has said exactly that in her words. It is possible she doesn't realize she is doing anything wrong or intend to be playing with your feelings like this.... but whether or not she realizes it, that is exactly what she is doing.

If you CAN see being just her friend, and yet no longer allowing her to cross appropriate boundaries of a friendship, then maybe you do remain her friend. If you DO, though, do so only if you can while still pursuing a girlfriend elsewhere. In time, maybe she WILL be interested in you as more than a friend.... but you shouldn't waste any of your time waiting around hoping for that to happen. So, if remaining her friend would only cause you to hold yourself back from pursuing any other relationship, then it would probably be best just to remove all contact. I am NOT suggestion you ghost on her. In other words, I am not suggesting you just disappear. I'm just saying, in that case you should remain friendly but not friends, if you get my meaning. You may eventually go no contact with her, I just wouldn't say you just disappear on her as we all know the saying about "two wrongs don't make a right."

Good luck to you.

[benfletcher82]

Tell her how you feel and make sure she's aware of that. Set up boundaries if you have to and put a stop to it if you need to. If you settle on having a friendship with someone you have deep feelings for, then you won't end up just hurt, you'd end up being destroyed.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed. If left unchecked, it definitely can be a pretty sucky thing. So, yeah, if you can't see being just her friend without you having deeper feelings, then it is best just to move on and forget about her. It especially won't help if she wants to be friends, but still hangs all over you and is cuddly with you as though it were more. Even when you intellectually know it doesn't mean anything more, if you still have feelings for somebody the heart often just wants what it wants. No matter how much you intellectually know it will never happen, part of you will still be holding yourself back hoping you could be proven wrong. Good luck, friend. Find yourself a gal who will be as cuddly and affectionate as her.... but because she DOES like you as more than a friend.

[drleo]

she is asking you to play a game with her, so be a man and just play it, but don't invest all your feeling into that game, until its all in your hands because you may win her or lose her .

[smackie9]

im single,she is in a relationship with a guy she is planning to break up with,i can tell you the reason if it matters

No she is not dumping her BF.....she has been lying to you. She is just using that excuse to keep you orbiting around her. You give her what is lacking in her relationship... attention. You are her emotional tampon. By sticking around you are letting her have her cake and eat it too. Cut her off and stop wasting your time. Even if she comes running to you if they break up....her BF is just going to hoover her back. You will end up being a damn rebound and left totally burned.

- - - Updated - - -

she is making it so hard,she acts like im her boyfriend,she touches me all the time,holds my hand while walking,kisses me a lot (cheeks,neck,hands),and last night she invite me over to her house for a movie,and we ended up spooning in bed
HOW IS THIS FRIENDLY?

It's not friendly you are her cuddle bitch.

Cuddle Bitch:
- a guy who never gets to sleep with a girl but gets to have intimate moments with her like cuddling, spooning, or otherwise being affectionate. Usually this will occur in private. She probably considers him a really sweet guy, which is the kiss of death.

First off, cuddle bitches are bad, bad things to be. Maybe the worst thing to be. I mean, being an Intellectual Whore is bad, but being an Intellectual Whore who has to endure blue-balls is bordering on criminal.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know if I necessarily dig the term "cuddle bitch" but I do think it, and its definition paint a good picture of what it sounds like she is doing to you. Whether it is intentional or not, she is using you. I guess why I disagree with the term "cuddle bitch" is because I don't agree with the sentiment it projects. I can certainly understand the idea of and even the feeling of being trapped in a situation like the one you are in, as I think a lot of us could. I think most of us can understand the feeling of unrequited love/infatuation. It is not weak. Sometimes you can't help who you like.

However, there does come a time when you need to realize that a situation is simply not good for you and it is time to move on. I can't know for sure if this is one of those situations, but it definitely sounds like that to me. The last thing in the world you deserve or should want is to hang around this girl for any length of time hoping it will become more only to waste all of that time because it never amounts to anything.

Hell, who knows? In time, maybe she does dump her current boyfriend. In time, maybe she does reconsider you as a romantic option. If she does, then great. Entertain the option then. The point is, though, just don't put your life on hold hoping that will happen. She's made it pretty clear it probably will not, so time for you to move on and operate under the impression it never will. You don't deserve to be played with, and intentional or not, she is playing with you. Find somebody who won't play games. (Unless they are board games. Board games can be a lot of fun. :-P)