Confused about what to do with this girl

[reman1]

I was introduced to a girl recently by a friend. The girl lives in Turkey right now and is from a financially well off family, so I don't think she has any ulterior motive in wanting to know me.

Before I go on, I want to say that in some Turkish families, it is normal for parents to be involved in the decision making process and for there not to be any kind of relationship outside of marriage. I like to adhere to these customs so the best I can do is get to know her as well as possible and get to know her family too. I have spoken to the girl's parents briefly and but I have been talking to the girl regularly for some time now.

Recently, the girl asked me to come visit her and her family and I think this is a very sensible thing to do. The problem is, I didn't speak to her parents that much, and they did not speak to my parents that much. My fear is that I would spend lots of money on tickets and hotel reservations only to find her parent's don't like me or to find they are not what they appear to be. The parents do want to come to my house but in about two months (when they will decide if they want me for their daughter), but the girl wants me over as soon as possible and I am worried that if I delay too much by waiting for her parents to visit first, she may loose interest or that another guy might get her.

So any advice on how to handle this ? Basically, I want to know that her parents are fine with me potentially marrying their daughter and I also want my parents to learn more about the girl's family so that I can benefit from their insight and life experience. I also don't want this dragging on forever and risk losing her to someone else (because yes, I really feel I like her).

[Wakeup]

If you want to get to know them and actually get to know the girl then you're going to have to spend the money and visit.

[TheEvilJester]

I assume you and this girl are officially dating, correct? If not, I would sort of think it is too early to be meeting her parents. Assuming you are, how long have you been dating? I understand you not wanting to waste the time and money when they are planning to come up your way in a few months anyway, but if the opportunity arises, I agree with Wakeup that I think it would be best to take it. For one thing, I don't think it would set the best first impression if there is an opportunity to come meet them, but you pass on it preferring them to come to you first.

Is it possible you may spend the money/time going to visit them only for them not to like you? Of course. That COULD happen. Bottom line, though, it is possible that could happen either way. Maybe they'd come to you in a couple months and the same thing would happen. So, to me, you can't really use that as a reason to decide not to go. If your motivation was because you couldn't really afford the trip, that would be entirely different. Then I would say maybe you consider passing up based on that.

In this case, though, it would probably be best just to proceed. If you like his gal and hope there could be a future for you two, then you are going to have to deal with gaining her parents' approval anyway. Though, really HER approval should be what is important. If you make her happy, that really should be all that matters to them.

Good luck.