In need of immediate advice

[Tiffanimonroe85]

On November , 28th 2015. I went out to this club with my two cousins , while I was there I happened to exchange eye contact with a stranger, not the regular ,"glance". It was more intense . It was like I could see into his soul and he could see through mines , we literally stared at each other the whole night , then as I was getting ready to leave he grabbed me and was like , " My name is _____( I can't remember what he said) and he was like , "You're so beautiful , I graduate in two weeks ..." and I was like ,"I'm sorry I have to go "( there was people standing around and i didn't want to seem awkward . I wanted to give him my number so bad ) and then I proceeded to leave with my cousins. When I got home I felt embarrassed and sad and couldn't get him out of my mind it's like I felt so warm and comfortable in his arms ( I usually don't considering the fact he was a COMPLETE STRANGER) , I even tried to find him on social media. Well two weeks ago a club promoter friend of mind posted pictures of some Club pics from the night before and I saw him in the pics! !!! I was so excited but his name wasn't tagged so I was unable to contact him then , one night I posted a random status and someone that's friends with him liked it , I went through the friend's pics and saw him but he wasn't tagged again which leads me to believe he does not have any profiles on social media I really want to find him , I know I turned him down but there is just something drawing me back to that night when I saw him. Not to sound cliché or anything , but I think that may have been my soul mate . I'm a very socially awkward person and have struggled with social anxieties for a while. .... PLEASE HELP .WHAT SHOULD I DO ? I think it may just be my guilty conscience because I was clearly sending him signals to approach me and when he did, I literally embarrassed him in front of everyone at the club.

[TheEvilJester]

As somebody who also suffers from social anxieties, and also is a bit of a romantic (well... these days I'm beginning to wonder if I need to downgrade that to WAS, because I'm not feeling so positive lately) I can certainly understand your excitement. However, I want to start off my advice by cautioning you with this.....

You don't know if he is your soulmate. You have no way to know that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discount the romantic idea of seeing somebody and somehow you both "just know." I'm just saying, until you get to know him better, you can't really know. Folks like you and I, the most dangerous thing we can do is allow ourselves to fall too hard too fast without at least also engaging our intellectual side to realize that the person may turn out not to be what we think. Take it from somebody who knows from experience, that all too often leads to nothing but hurt.

So, it is fine to allow yourself to be excited and think "Hey! This guy could really be something" but just remind yourself that, for all you know, he could turn out to be a complete creep/jerk. Which isn't to say you don't give him a chance if you find a way to contact him, I'm just saying don't get too ahead of yourself.

That said,

You mentioned you were able to find somebody on social media who is a friend of his. By any chance do you know that person, or is he just another stranger? If you do happen to know him, that could be your in. Have you considered going back to the club a few times here and there to see if maybe he turns up again? Unfortunately, being as he was otherwise a stranger, I'm not sure how else you could hope to reach out to him.

I don't know if this is just me, but I kind of lean towards thinking it would be weird to reach out to some other random stranger (the friend of his you found on social media) to ask them to pass along to him that you want to meet him. Again, if this friend of his actually happens to be your friend too, that would be different, but I didn't get that impression.

Hindsight is always 20/20, so I understand this advice comes too late..... but for future reference, in a situation like that, just give him your phone number. I get that you were leaving, but it only takes a few seconds to jot your number down on a piece of paper, a napkin, or whatever. Or, heck, if no pen or paper were nearby, just ask him to hand you his phone and punch the number in for him. If you were interested in him, why would you not? Heck, when you were making eyes at each other all night, you could have even prepared by finding a pen and piece of paper so you could pass him your number when the chance arose.

Believe me, I of all people know the feeling of being too shy to take that chance, so I do not say any of that meaning to judge or blame you. I understand. I am just hoping to help you rationalize so maybe you don't make that mistake again in the future.

I am sure you are a very wonderful gal that any guy would be lucky to have in his life. Problem is, none of them will ever be able to find that out for themselves if you never give yourself that chance. Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to run into this guy again, but if not just know that there IS somebody out there for you. As far as I am concerned, if you and he were meant to be a thing, you'll find each other again. If you don't, then it was nothing more than a chance occurrence and your true soulmate is still out there looking for you.

[Tiffanimonroe85]

As somebody who also suffers from social anxieties, and also is a bit of a romantic (well... these days I'm beginning to wonder if I need to downgrade that to WAS, because I'm not feeling so positive lately) I can certainly understand your excitement. However, I want to start off my advice by cautioning you with this.....

You don't know if he is your soulmate. You have no way to know that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discount the romantic idea of seeing somebody and somehow you both "just know." I'm just saying, until you get to know him better, you can't really know. Folks like you and I, the most dangerous thing we can do is allow ourselves to fall too hard too fast without at least also engaging our intellectual side to realize that the person may turn out not to be what we think. Take it from somebody who knows from experience, that all too often leads to nothing but hurt.

So, it is fine to allow yourself to be excited and think "Hey! This guy could really be something" but just remind yourself that, for all you know, he could turn out to be a complete creep/jerk. Which isn't to say you don't give him a chance if you find a way to contact him, I'm just saying don't get too ahead of yourself.

That said,

You mentioned you were able to find somebody on social media who is a friend of his. By any chance do you know that person, or is he just another stranger? If you do happen to know him, that could be your in. Have you considered going back to the club a few times here and there to see if maybe he turns up again? Unfortunately, being as he was otherwise a stranger, I'm not sure how else you could hope to reach out to him.

I don't know if this is just me, but I kind of lean towards thinking it would be weird to reach out to some other random stranger (the friend of his you found on social media) to ask them to pass along to him that you want to meet him. Again, if this friend of his actually happens to be your friend too, that would be different, but I didn't get that impression.

Hindsight is always 20/20, so I understand this advice comes too late..... but for future reference, in a situation like that, just give him your phone number. I get that you were leaving, but it only takes a few seconds to jot your number down on a piece of paper, a napkin, or whatever. Or, heck, if no pen or paper were nearby, just ask him to hand you his phone and punch the number in for him. If you were interested in him, why would you not? Heck, when you were making eyes at each other all night, you could have even prepared by finding a pen and piece of paper so you could pass him your number when the chance arose.

Believe me, I of all people know the feeling of being too shy to take that chance, so I do not say any of that meaning to judge or blame you. I understand. I am just hoping to help you rationalize so maybe you don't make that mistake again in the future.

I am sure you are a very wonderful gal that any guy would be lucky to have in his life. Problem is, none of them will ever be able to find that out for themselves if you never give yourself that chance. Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to run into this guy again, but if not just know that there IS somebody out there for you. As far as I am concerned, if you and he were meant to be a thing, you'll find each other again. If you don't, then it was nothing more than a chance occurrence and your true soulmate is still out there looking for you.

Thanks , for replying. After some careful consideration, I've decided to let go of my quest for finding him . I had my chance and blew it by being too shy and awkward. I still wonder about how things could have turned out but just like you mentioned above , if we're meant to be , we'll find each other again. Thanks for responding and giving me some great advice!

[TheEvilJester]

Don't beat yourself up too much. You made a mistake to which I think a lot of us can relate. Hopefully you can learn from it so you don't do the same thing should a similar opportunity ever present itself again. As it is, he was just some random guy. Believe me, I get how sometimes somebody just has that something you can't even explain/understand yourself that makes you feel drawn to them. Even so, you really didn't miss out on anything here, because he was just some random guy. In time, either A) you'll run into him again and take a chance this time or B) you'll forget him completely.

Though the end result would still be the same, it would be harder/different if this was somebody you knew well and had crushed on for a while. Not that chance occurrences like that can't wind up meaning something, I'm just saying it's easier to forget.

Anyways, like I said, learn from your mistake and in the end it won't truly be a mistake. :-D I am sure some day soon you will find a guy (whether it winds up being him or not). No need to beat yourself up too much if it hasn't happened yet.