How common are my feelings

[angeld957]

I've met a girl that makes me feel like I'm the guy I've always wanted to be. We've been together for about 6 months. I feel like she loves me the way I've always wanted to be loved without having to actually compromise, as if everything is neutral, and just works. Now the only factor in my self destructing mind is that I don't feel as passionate about her as my last relationship which was a 2 dragging year long situation.. Simply put I question if I'm into her enough.. She's never been in a relationship before, so her feelings are really pure and she's pretty much crazy for me which I have no problem with, I just feel tainted, I wish I had never been in a relationship before so that I could have nothing to compare this too.. What do you think? I'm happy where I am I just question things at times and would appreciate some insight

[kankan]

I couldn't resist the urge to respond to your post. It really spoke to me however I'd say that I'm on the opposing end. I am crazy about this guy( my " boyfiend") and I feel as though I do all of the above for him as your girl does for you although i cant help but feel like he doesn't like me as much as I like him. I guess the role I play in this with respect to your story is that its like im your girl who is aware of your current disposition. I guess i had to respond to you because I was hoping somewhere at the back of my mind... you were my boyfriend who turned to the site for some guidance to avoid hurting me. Im not sure if i could offer advice but I think we could kinda learn from one another. I can try to give my opinion. BUt youd have to tell me more about the feelings involved in this relationship compared to the other...

[relblogger]

Hi to OP.

Those feelings are completely natural, it's fine, these things happen from time to time. Especially if you have a self-destructive mind like I once had!

Were your parents argumentative perhaps? Or have you had a lot of "drama" shall we say in your childhood / early teens?

I call it - addicted to the drama. It happened with me when I was getting closer to my [now wife] partner. Everything was comfortable and smooth and relaxed, yet for some reason I would always question my level of "into" her. You see I had always been attracted to self-destructive and unattainable relationships previously it would set me off course with my current one.

But I actually realised that I had became addicted to the spark. You know? At the beginning when it's fresh, exciting and sometimes dangerous? - The unknown is pretty exciting in dating.

But after we started to become comfortable things didn't seem right. And that was because my mind was constantly searching for the drama and the spark.

This isn't good my friend. We get comfortable and relationships are hard work. Lots of give and take. Perhaps relax a little and enjoy your comfortableness around each other.

Make sense?

[angeld957]

thanks for the insight, this is my first time "threading" if thats what its called lol..reading how you look at it does broaden my perspective and i think i can agree to the addiction of the spark, i tend to find litte things to get worked up over, not in an overbearing way for her but i can at times beat myself up on issues that arent really issues... how did you overcome this addiction to drama

[relblogger]

Well, it was and is a state of continual development I guess. I mean I just rolled with it and told myself that settling down and being normal is awesome. After a while it becomes natural - and you start to appreciate the little things a bit more.

You'll probably find that you really love her but you just don't know it yet. The spark is confusing you.

1. I thought of all the things that I found insanely cute about her. So, instead of always thinking, umm, well, this isn't happening blah blah - I would beat that out of my head and say, "she did that thing again today, awesomely endearing" - I trained my mind to think positively about her.

2. Arguing is normal; I'm often locking horns with my wife - but not crazily. Just small disagreements. It shows you actually care about things

3. I got myself a hobby and spent time away from her. Besides work - at bedtime I have 3 hours or so to myself to do what I want. Watch TV / Design / Create - it's that free time that makes you appreciate the time you have with her more. And gives you your own much needed space.

4. Probably the most important one is that I sought help. Went to a counsellor. Had something like 15 or so sessions, helped me immensely. But you can't lie to them and you have to do your homework. Counselling is like self help with a bit of support lol.

[angeld957]

hello, what stuck with me the most was how you mentioned the thought of your boyfriend turning to the site to avoid hurting you.. that was my reason for coming here, but in the end did talk to her a couple hours ago to communicate how i felt.. my girl feels very special and that i make her very happy and along with the other response i got, along with how i felt personally ive come to a strong conclusion that I have to grow as an individual..With that being said in respect to your story communication is a big deal, how you feel is as important as he how feels..the issue will go unseen you you dont point it out but i recommend to take sometime and reflect on everything first so you can know how to approach him with how you feel, its always better to communicate how you feel, never prolong pain because itll only hurt more, plus you never know how easy it could be to come to an understanding and feel even more for each other