what does she want?

[fred123]

I'm in a relationship with a co-worker that has evolved from best friends to casual dating over a period of 1.5 years. Recently her contact and phone calls have dropped off and I have approached her if she wants to end the romance. She tells me no that she "has feelings for me" but needs to work through some things.( she just ended a 7 year marriage). I hate not knowing what she's thinking and if I should lessen our contact. I don't think the ex spouse is involved but I think its hard for her after the divorce. Any ADVICE?

[lincslass29]

I would tell her outright that she's making you feel this way and it's not fair and that you can't go on this way! I'm sure she means it when she tells you she has feelings for you. But it's not fair to string someone along like this. You deserve better and if she can't make up her mind what she wants then you're best off getting on with your life. I'm sorry but usually when these things happen it's easier to walk away.

[jrharvey]

Sorry I am a guy but I would simply give her some space. Tell her you want to be there for her when she is ready and to let you know. Let her do some thinking and miss you a little. She will come to you when she is ready. Shes not going to just dissapear.

[fred123]

Well I think I pushed too much and she isn't talking to me now. I am stupid and should've been happy with our friendship. At least I know where I stand.

[Cleomobile]

I'm sorry that happened, but to be honest with you, I don't know that the outcome wouldn't have been the same if you'd done something differently. Workplace romances are almost never a good idea. And if she was just ending her marriage, she really is in a difficult place and would not be ready for anything with you anyway. I really doubt it was anything you did or didn't do based on what you've said about her. Good luck.

[melancholia]

Give her the space she needs. It doesn't mean you can't contact her, but try not to bombard her too much. If she reaches out to you, definitely reply like you normally would. If you don't hear from her, I think it's safe to check in with a text or phone call, but try to let her know you are there for her without making her feel suffocated. It is tough to do when you are into someone, but if you try and contact her too much, she may get overwhelmed and back off from you more than she already has. If you are close enough, you can try asking her how she is doing with everything, and if she is doing well.