Am I being too snob?

[johanna1]

TheEvilJester,

Thank you so much for your feedback. I do appreciate it and I know it is hard to offer an exact answer because you don't know the players involved in this situation. I did go out with him on Saturday. We went to a very fancy restaurant and I told him via text that he needs to dress up. He did and he looked much better that the first time. He didn't really meet my standards 100% but I can tell you that he was 90%. So pretty close. I definitely saw he looks different than the first time. Yes, he looks a bit heavy but just like you said I do find something about this guy that makes me feel attracted to him.
However it is not only the physical appearance. Like I mentioned in my original post, he is from the country and he was never exposed to things that I normally find them common (like different international restaurants, foods, etc). He seems very simple guy...not a too good of a job (manager at a sign store) ...his job is not too good per my standards but in his area...it is probably considered a VERY good job. he talks about farms and farm animals which I find exciting in a way because everything he says I just saw in movies but on the other hand I don't find to be too interesting...if you know what I mean. He likes me a lot..he is into me and he would like a third date.

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I just wanted to follow up with you Melancolia. I did go out with him on Saturday. We went to a very fancy restaurant and I told him via text that he needs to dress up. He did and he looked much better that the first time. He didn't really meet my standards 100% but I can tell you that he was 90%. So pretty close. I definitely saw he looks different than the first time. Yes, he looks a bit heavy but just like you said I do find something about this guy that makes me feel attracted to him.
However it is not only the physical appearance. Like I mentioned in my original post, he is from the country and he was never exposed to things that I normally find them common (like different international restaurants, foods, etc). He seems very simple guy...not a too good of a job (manager at a sign store) ...his job is not too good per my standards but in his area...it is probably considered a VERY good job. he talks about farms and farm animals which I find exciting in a way because everything he says I just saw in movies but on the other hand I don't find to be too interesting...if you know what I mean. He likes me a lot..he is into me and he would like a third date. He kissed me again on Saturday but our kisses were a bit shy I believe because we didn't in sync to well...if you know what I mean Yes, I gave him another chance and he looked better...what should I do next? What would you do if you were me?

[melancholia]

I think you are putting far too much thought into this situation and you aren't going with your gut instincts. You are coming across (to us, me in particular) like you want certain things in a future partner, and even though he meets some of them and you find yourself liking his company, there are other qualities about him that aren't ringing your bells. It doesn't have to be so black and white -- at least not yet. I think you need to go with your instincts on this. If you feel like going out with him again, just to test the waters, then do it! If you feel like it's getting dull and you two don't have much in common, or you find it's difficult to keep conversation going based on your different interests, then maybe it's a good idea to cut your losses now and move on. He can be a great guy, but still not be the right guy for you. It may take more than two or three dates for you to figure it out.

However, let me tell you a bit about my situation with the guy I'm dating. It's not exactly like yours, but there are some similarities. B is the most sincere, kind, and generous guy. He is so hilarious and makes me laugh all the time, and he has this energy that keeps me feeling calm and relaxed. I feel so comfortable around him and the conversation always flows really well between us. We can do anything from going to play mini golf to sitting on his bed in his room just talking to playing beer pong to going for dinner and to the movies, and it's always fun. He's not working right now, but he plans to go to school to become a firefighter in the fall, after he does another tour of firefighting the wild fires in BC this Summer. He is also a huge nerd (he is a self-described nerd) and he loves video games and comics... I absolutely don't. He always dresses super casual and often wears the same thing, or variations of the same outfit: jeans and a graphic tshirt. He's also blonde with blue/green eyes, and normally I'm attracted to dark haired men with dark or green eyes. He also loves camping and hunting, and I would almost rather die than sleep in a tent. I would much rather go for martinis at a swanky lounge than sit around a campfire. So what I am trying to get at is that we have a lot of differences and we both have very different interests, but we do have things in common and we love hanging out together. I also find everything that I love about him and focus on those things, rather than focus on the qualities that don't necessarily ring my bells (I am starting to like that phrase lol).

We didn't start out as a couple, we've been friends for almost 11 years, with nothing sexual or romantic happening until this past Summer. I was not expecting to date this person, but at this point I can say that I am lucky to be dating someone who is so fantastic. He is such an all-around great guy, and he has so much to offer. One thing I think we often do is we forget that sometimes our differences can be some of our greatest qualities. Maybe this guy you are seeing can open your eyes to new experiences you didn't think you would every try. I am sure you two can find ways to look for common ground between you, and I think if you can appreciate that you come from different backgrounds, then you have more things to discover together, if you two end up working out as a couple.

Normally, I am not an advocate of giving people the benefit of the doubt, not because I like to believe in the worst of people, just because I've done that enough to know it is usually a waste of my time. However, I don't see your specific situation to be that black and white. Clearly there is something about this man that is desirable to you, and maybe it's because he is so different from the guys you typically date, or maybe he has a particular quality that you can't put your finger on, but you just like it. I think you should keep seeing him until you get a better sense of whether or not you see something romantic developing between you. As long as you are open and honest about your intentions, I don't see a problem with taking your time to feel it out. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out and you can pick up and move on... but what if it does work out and he turns out to be an amazing guy? You just never know what could happen.

[TheEvilJester]

Couldn't agree with melancholia much more if the words had come from my own self. (In fact, then I might even agree just a little less because I don't trust that guy. :-P )

You yourself aren't certain right now, so likely the only way to figure it out is to keep dating him and see how you feel about it after a few more dates. Again, you don't want to lead him on for too long, though. You also want to be clear about your intentions. Don't act as though you are falling in love if you are really still testing the waters. Obviously you can't necessarily control whether or not he falls for you, but at the very least you don't want to intentionally give him the wrong idea. Really, though, how else are you going to decide?

Best of luck to you in deciding. I hope you do figure it out, and whatever you wind up deciding, I hope you and he are both able to be happy.