She stopped replying

[sports]

Hello.
This is my first post in here.

I'm kind of sad so I will try to summarize the whole thing, chronologically.
My native language is not english so take that in count when reading quotes.

1. With a WhatsApp message I invited her to a wedding (to go with me). The wedding was in 10 days and we hadn't been in a date yet (just in social things, with more friends around). She accepted.

2. The next day she tells me with a WhatsApp message: "We should go out before the wedding", I agreed. It was a Wednesday and we agreed to see each other on Sunday night (she's on holidays, me too)

3. We went to a bar. It was so-so: the conversations and laughs were all so-so.
I thought "she doesn't like me", but I was ok with that at that moment.

4. After the bar I told her we should go for a walk. We ended sitting in a park and we chatted a lot. We laughed a lot too. I kissed her. But it was a weird kiss, it wasn't long and she stopped me and said "its too soon", but then we continued chatting and laughing.

5. I took her to her house and before leaving the car we continued chatting and listening to music in the radio.
Suddenly she went weird and I noticed she wanted to tell something. "Why did you invite me to the wedding?", I just mumbled stuff. Then she said: "I don't know how to say this so it doesn't sound bad.. ehm... I don't want anything serious".
I told her I was ok with that, that I prefer to enjoy the moment and take decisions step by step.

6. On Tuesday I told her via WhatsApp message: "Do you want to do something?". She replied "Today? I can't, but on Thursday I'm free"

7. On Thursday she came to my house. We cooked a homemade pizza, we prepared limonade with mint and ginger, we watched a movie. We kissed a lot in my room. I still live with my parents, so when things went hornier, she stopped me telling me she wasn't relaxed because of my parents being out there (they were all sleeping anyway). We were very close to having sex :/ She also told me: "Maybe I need to be more drunk" (because we had beers)

8. The next day she texted me she had fun

9. On Saturday we went to the wedding. It was fun. At one moment in the wedding party I told her "I'm really drunk" and she kissed me (we had kissed a lot that night but I was the one who took the iniciative always)

10. On Sunday day I don't text her. On sunday night I text her and I notice she is replying with a lot of delay my messages

11. Monday: I don't text her

12. Tuesday night: I text her "Hello, do you want to do something tomorrow?"

13. On Wednesday she replies at 5 pm: "Today? I can't"
She had been online several times before though, so I think she replied with delay on purpose the reply itself was very surly also...

14. Thursday: I don't text her

15. Friday: I don't text her

16. Saturday (today), 1 pm: I sent her a photo with a fake beard I found in my house, with the message: "Hey, my beard grew again, so whenever you want we can go out" (because in the wedding she noticed I had shaved my face and she liked me more with beard). I was expecting her to laugh but she didn't even reply. Now is 12:37 AM and she hasn't reply yet.


I know... she told me she didn't want anything serious, but I think I like her a lot... she's very interesting and chatting is good. We laughed together a good amount too.
I think I was careful all the time to not saturate her. The days I didn't text her were of course on purpose (because I did wanted to text her).

I'm really sad
I wish this was the typical "im-afraid-to-compromising" story that has a happy ending ("...she texted me back a few days later, we continued meeting, etc")

I'm a very realistic person and I really thought I could conquer her by being relaxed. If I thought that is because of the quality of the moments I had with her.

My plan now is not to text her again. At all.

[FruitBandit]

Yeah mate I wouldn't text her again now unless she texts you. Unfortunately it just seems like she's not feeling it, that's how it goes. It sucks that it got so far for it to end up not becoming anything, but take the experience and learn from it. We live in an age where people can hide behind a phone or a screen and can avoid talking to you directly; people can just say no but just avoiding or ignoring you unfortunately.

Don't expect her to contact you, just work on getting over her. Also your English is perfect.

[sports]

Thank you.
Yes, she's probably not feeling it

I'm so sad. Now I'm just hoping I can get over her with my own will and not by dating other girls. I used to be well alone...

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Thing is dude ,she WILL be back. She's a wanderer ,i know how the friends w benefits thing goes (if you havent realized that) ,just dont pay attention much ,she warned you beforehand ,nothing serious. So just play along ,anything more than that ,(being exclusive)is a bit far fetched. Keep your head up and be positivie!

[sports]

Thing is dude ,she WILL be back.

Thank you for replying (haha, writing that is kind of ironic isn't it?)

A few years ago I dated another girl once and she seemed to like me: she told me we should go watch the movie Croods (it was on cinemas at that time) and also told me we should hike a mountain.

What happened next? the exact same thing. She stopped replying my messages. I was very chill and relaxed, I just insisted on the cinema idea twice, maybe a "what happened?" last message, etc.

That time and this time I have been strong enough not to humilliate myself. Although thats on the outside, in the inside I'm super sad right now, and was super sad at that time too.

Well, the thing is, a few months later (maybe 6? I don't remember), she came back. She told me she was sorry, that she wanted to go out with me again, she readded me as a friend on Facebook (because I had deleted her a few months after the last unresponded message). She told me she had disappeared because she started dating her ex, and then she stopped dating him because he had another girl. Blah blah. But I was not interested anymore. I had completly lost interest on her by that time.


So back to your post:

If she comes back in the following days, I think I will give it a chance. I will act the same with her (maybe a little more surly than the other 3 dates), but in the inside I will be completly hermetic with my feelings. Hopefully we will f*ck.

If she comes back in the future, I think it will be just like the story I just told....

[sports]

...so... at the end, this happend:

On thursday night I sent her a message (after the saturday unreplied "beard joke")

Me: So how have you been?
Me: Would you like us to see each other one of these days?
Me: We could go to the precolombic art museum, or the natural history museum, with the large big whale skeleton
Me: I think we had a fun time the other days, haha

She replied a few minutes later:

She: hahaha yeah I did had a lot of fun, but I think we shouldn't see each other again
Me: Why? hmm
She: Its not a good time
Me: You dont want to talk about it?
She: Its complicated
Me: boo... okay

I went offline for a couple of seconds, and then came back:

me: No, its not okay
me: tell me
me: I want to understand
she: Its not a matter of words, is more of feelings. I'm not feeling okay.
me: Even tho we had a good time?
she: Yes, it has nothing to do with you
me: Ok, maybe I bothered you too much these days after the wedding, sorry about that.
she: Its okay
me: Anyway (haha, dude that doesn't give up), you should go to these trekkings I have been inviting you. They are healthy.
she: hahaha could be.



The end. Now I'm really not texting again....

I think this can be summarized to the classical: "its not you its me", which is, of course, bullshit.