Need advice about ex getting married

[Heartbroken2016]

We were together for 9 wonderful months we met each other's families the whole nine. Everything seemed to be wonderful then he broke up with me out of nowhere. And within the next 5 weeks he got back together with his ex fiance and is marrying her. I'm just wondering it was bad enough to break off the engagement in the first place why would you go back the second time? And why would you get married so fast? We have also known each other for the past 10 years so it's not like we know nothing about each other

[lovesickheart]

Heartbroken, Im sorry that happened to you. I know its painful.
You can spend all this time wondering why he chose her and not you, but nothing is going to make sense... nothing at all. He didn't tell you why he was ending it, nothing at all that could give you some kind of explanation? That's pretty low of him if he didn't.
Im finding that people will try to move on with someone else, thinking there is no hope for the relationship that they really want in their heart. Then out of nowhere the ex comes back and they run with glee to their heart's desire. No regard for the unfinished work they had started with the new person... but then again, after the healing happens, maybe we will find that we didn't really want to be in a relationship with someone as their 2nd choice anyway!
Im sorry youre going through this. Hang in there and may healing come soon.

[TheEvilJester]

Dude, lovesick is awesome. I keep popping in to give my two cents to various threads and seeing that she basically echoes exactly what I was about to say. ;-)

Anyway, you had what you thought was a good thing and then he just tossed it aside. YOU did nothing wrong. He's the one who was using you. Please do not beat yourself up. Believe me, I know that is so much easier said than done, but you don't deserve to beat yourself up over this.

I will say this.... the fact that it is his ex to whom he went back leads further evidence to the fact that his d*ck move probably had nothing to do with you. If you had done something to drive him away, I doubt that would just drive him back into the arms of his ex. He went back with his ex because he probably never really got over his ex.

He was using you. It is entirely possible he didn't mean to and/or didn't realize he was using you, but he was using you nonetheless. You deserve better. I am so, so sorry that you had to have this happen to you. I know how it feels to think you know somebody only to be tossed aside like you don't matter. You DO matter, and there will be some guy who will see that. It's his loss, not yours.

Good luck to you. I hope, very soon, you find the guy who will make you forget all about this experience, and realize that it was worth it because it lead up to you finding him. :-)

[Heartbroken2016]

Thanks. It is so hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel and not to feel as though there is something wrong within myself even though I see what you're saying. It just sucks feeling this way

[lovesickheart]

Heartbroken, I am going through the same thing you are. Believe me, there is nothing wrong with you, nothing at all. Nothing you could have done would have swayed him or convinced him to stay with you if that's what his heart was wanting. Maybe things wont work out with them and he will come back to you... but I hope you are feeling stronger by then and would think twice before going back to being someone's 2nd choice chick. You (and I) are better than that and deserve to be the ones that are 1st choice in our guys' books!
Hang in there.... sleep, cry, eat, do what you need to do to get it out, but throw in there a LOT of self care.... treat yourself like a queen, go out with friends, book a weekend trip, try to stay busy! And I suggest come onto this site and share advice with others that are feeling the same way. You'll feel stronger in no time!

[TheEvilJester]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking stock of yourself after a break-up. Of taking a good, long, hard look at yourself.... at what you may have done wrong.... at what, in yourself, you may like to improve. The thing is, you also need to remember that there were two people in the relationship.... meaning your ex probably did some things wrong too, and you need to acknowledge that and realize what it was they did wrong so you better know to avoid that in future relationships.

...That is after any typical break-up. In your case, I honestly say there is little to no point in taking a look at YOURSELF. At least not in the context of that relationship. Far be it for me to tell you NOT to work on self-improvement if you so desire, but don't do it because of THAT relationship. Again, he had you and he tossed you aside so easily. That doesn't happen because YOU did something wrong, that happens because he did not value you the way you deserve to be valued.

Believe me, I know how you feel. I know how impossible it is to see that. So, hopefully, even if just in some small way, you can let lovesick and I be your cheerleaders.

When our heart is broken, it hurts. But, that pain leads to wonderful things. It leads to you becoming even stronger in the end. It leads to you being better able to identify a good mate for you, rather than making the same mistakes again and winding up just being a "rebound" when you thought it was real. Be a WARRIOR! Take some time to do you, so to speak. Just take the time to remember that you are AWESOME! Then, go back out there and find yourself a fella who will see that as well. It WILL happen for you, believe me. I know you may not be able to believe it right now, so that's why I'm believing the Hell out of it for you.

Good luck.

P.S. The above all goes for you as well, lovesick. You rock the kasbah! You deserve a guy who rocks just as much as you.

[lovesickheart]

Ive been on vacation. So glad I saw this tonight! Thanks Jester!! I needed that message!

[julietsromeo]

First off I am really sorry about what had happened to you Heartbroken. Nobody deserves getting hurt in the most evil way possible.

As for the guy - it sucks but there are a few men out there who just like to use women for their own whims. Even when the women will do everything for them, they'll still end up as jerks.

Trying to explain why he left you will only lead to more confusion and heartache.

As what the previous people already said, he showed you that he didn't value you the way you deserve to be treated. You don't deserve him - you deserve someone better. Way better. A man who will love you the way you are meant to be loved.

It's going to be a tough time for you. But I know you can get through this.

Good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Good points, indeed, but julietsromeo. I will say this, it is entirely possible he never intended to break Heartbroken's heart. It could be entirely possible he never intended to use her. Sometimes, make stupid, rash decisions when they are on the rebound and still hurting from a break-up. He may have fully thought he was actually into their relationship.... only to later realize he'd never actually gotten over his ex.

....The point is, whether or not he did, it doesn't change the fact that he handled it poorly and that he wronged her. Even if he did enter into it with the noblest of intentions, it doesn't change what he did. It also doesn't excuse the fact that even if that WAS the case, he could have handled it SO much better. Even if that were the case, he should have manned up, talked to her, and just said something along the lines of "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was over my ex, but what I didn't realize is I was just trying to make myself be over her."

Then, at least I could personally understand that. That would mean he'd screwed up, but not intentionally so, and that he felt honest remorse for it. As it is, he took the coward's way out, proving he really never deserved her in the first place.

Heartbroken.... Unlike your screenname, your heart isn't broken.... just wounded. It WILL heal, and this time it will be even a little stronger. Good luck to you. I hope some day very soon you meet the guy who will make you forget all about this. More importantly, though, I hope this helps you to meet a person who is AWESOME and deserves your love..... that person that stares back at you when you look in the mirror.