Ever dated someone prone to extremes (hot and cold)?

[amj1979]

Hi Everyone! This is my first post so try to go easy on me! I'm very confused and upset over a girl's hot and cold behavior. Would really appreciate your opinions, experiences, and advice.

Yesterday a girl I dated (4 dates over 6 weeks) ended things for the second time. Originally she did so after our second date (and after agreeing to a third date)...no romantic connection for her. I didn't get that vibe from her AT ALL and was stunned. I'm 37 years old and have enough experience to read situations properly. The girl is almost 30, FYI. So I started to move on.

Fast forward 2 weeks to her calling me out of the blue. She really wanted to see me again and asked if I'd be interested in going out with her. We talked for a long time, and the chemistry was palpable. I asked what happened, and the girl just said she didn't really give us a fair chance. I doubt it was the full story, but not the time to press. We made plans to see each other the next day - Valentine's Day (her idea). She texted me shortly after that she was so glad she called me, that I made her blush multiple times on the phone, and she was so excited to get to spend Valentine's Day with me. So on Valentine's Day she wrote me a very sweet card telling me (among other things) how special I make her feel and asking me to be her valentine. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. She kept wanting to extend the day and we ended up spending 10 hours together! According to the girl it was a "perfect day." I can't imagine faking something like that, so I was pretty convinced her feelings were real.

She said "of course!" to another date and we made plans for Wednesday night. Everything was great (teasing, flirting, etc.) at dinner. She even made a comment about when she "starts spending the night at my place." After dinner her demeanor did a complete 180. Toward the end of our night (at a movie) I put my hand on her leg, and she actually LIFTED IT OFF! Where was this coming from?!?! I got a hug goodbye (yikes), and then a text to thank me for the date, tell me she got home safe, and to say goodnight. The next afternoon I got a LONG text thanking me for Valentine's Day, for "wooing her," telling me what a great guy I am, etc. But...no romantic connection for her. She apologized multiple times in her text.

How could the girl have changed SO much between Sunday (V-Day) and our next date a couple days later? Not to mention between dinner and the movie on Wednesday! I'm of course really upset because I was certain we had a connection and definitely liked this girl. The hot/cold extremes have really confused me. Why go through the effort of calling me again, writing the Valentine's Day card, spending an entire day with me, and being SO affectionate? And wouldn't she have known on date 1 if she wasn't into me? I don't know if I should feel led on and used, or just chalk it up to an unstable person showing their true colors? Please take a moment to share your thoughts...I could use them right now. Thank you!

[dontaskme]

I bet there is ex involvement in the scenario and she is using you as a sub.

[amj1979]

Thanks for the response! To be honest I thought the same thing...thus my comment about not getting the full story from her. When the math doesn't add up it's usually because someone else is around. Sounds like any guy she dates is going to deal with this. Between me, this possible ex, and probably others, it sure seems like doesn't move on well from situations.

[amj1979]

If anyone else out there has opinions or advice on my situation, I would definitely like to hear from you. Thank you!