My ex and I have been broken up for about 10 months. It just didn't work out. There were trust issues for sure. I wasn't feeling appreciated and for a small amount of time I was flirting with girls online on dating sites. It lasted about a month before I got caught. I had no intentions of meeting anyone and made sure the people I talked to lived in different cities and no where close to be able to travel and meet up. Yes, I was caught and it wasn't good. I had been considering ending the relationship and getting caught almost ended it, but she wanted to work on it.
It was hard for her to trust me after that but I really made effort to earn back her trust by giving her accesss to all my emails, phone, social media, etc. and I really wanted to make it work. So much so that after over a year after that happened I felt ready to propose, which I did. She said she was t ready yet and we moved on just dating. After a month, she said it wasn't going to work out. I was devastated.
Fast forward 3 months, she's moved out of town and was back to visit. She wanted to meet for drinks so I said sure. This is where I find out she wants to get back together. I was taken aback. She moved 7 hours away and left me. I had moved on. I wasn't ready to get back to her as I was still hurt by everything. She tried for months to get me back but I just couldn't do it.
Present day. She moved back to town and wanted to meet up. She wanted to make sure things wouldn't be weird because our town is small and we'd be running into each other in public. We talked, discussed our lives. Discussed maybe trying it again. I still wasn't sure. She said she needed to move on then. And then, she tells me that there's something very important that she left out.
She had an affair. Right before I proposed. She felt I wasn't giving her the attention she needed, and also felt that it would help her get over her trust issues with me. I never met/went out with/slept with anyone while with her. Just stupid flirtations online. She actually had sex with someone else, yet, she thinks that it's the same as what I did.
My question is, is it? Are these levels of "cheating" the same?