Why was this short term relationship such a mess? Did I stand a chance?

[Swan89]

I was dating this girl for 2 months who wasn't over her ex, she kept mentioning him and has a history of bipolar she's the type that has drama in her life. Even though we didn't have much in common, and we were very different people, it started out great and we had so much fun and there was a lot of mutual attraction. In the final 2 weeks we dated, she changed her behaviour and became cold and moody with her friends and even me. She left me after I told her that her moody behaviour was really getting to me. She replied feeling hurt and said she isn't ready for something serious. I tried my best to apologise and said I should have been more supportive. We carried on dating but she started treating me like I wasn't a priority.

Now there were things that led up to this and it seemed to be like a crash and burn type relationship. When I spoke to her friend, she said she felt it wasn't going anywhere and that I didn't get to know her interests but she didn't bother asking anything about my life, it was all about hers.
At the time I didn't want a relationship but I realised I wanted one after she left. She said she didn't feel special because of this so I tried really getting to know her after the initial breakup and said I was guarded after my last failed relationship. We had a cinema date and had a deep, meaningful conversation. I tried kissing her but she rejected me, saying that 'you haven't seen me at my worst'. Before this, there was a night out where something happened. She french kissed her girl-friend when drunk which I really didn't like and I stupidly play-grinded up against a female friend (who is taken and I have no interest in) so that caused an issue.
Another night after we decided to carry on dating, she was distant and ignored me practically all night in favour of her friends. I talked to her about it and in the moment of frustration told her I was in love with her. Later that night, she broke up with me again, so I left the club to see my friends. She led me on for the next 2 months telling me she wanted to be friends and see where things go and that she needs time but her actions showed she became less interested over time and sent mixed signals. She even encouraged me to sleep/date others and said 'forget about me, you're such a nice guy and I don't want to hurt you'.
I always gave her plenty of space and didn't message her too much, if anything she said I didn't do it enough, but she expected me to put in the work after she rejected me.

On another night out, she came to a club I was at because she knew I was out and she said that we 'get on', she kissed me and the rest of the night was really confusing. She french kissed another girl and was hardly giving me any attention but somehow, at the end of the night, we ended up sleeping together and talked about being friends with benefits. She said we'd get round to doing something but said she had a busy week. I got tired of this being treated like an option and I texted her and said I can't be her friend anymore.

Her friends told me different things, that I 'should go for nicer girls', that she treated me badly and that I should give her time but I don't see how becoming friends is a smart move after dating. She stopped inviting me places, stopped kissing me and only slept with me when we were both out drinking. After weeks of doing things on her terms only and trying to date her my confidence was shattered, I began testing her interest and eventually ended our friendship altogether because I felt neglected. She said I play games and don't use my head and that time was irrelevant to getting together. She said I reminded her of how damaged she is and that she felt pressured into something serious, even though all I wanted was to see her more but she wanted to be friends.

I'll admit I made mistakes but I genuinely tried to make things work.

[amj1979]

Swan89...it sounds like the girl does have some emotional issues to work on. However, I think you both share the blame in this situation as is always the case in relationships. They're a two-way street. Your lack of initial interest in anything serious prevented any deep connections. Your girl treated you casually because you treated her casually. That you didn't realize you wanted a relationship until after she left is telling. In my experience that means you missed having a significant other, but maybe not her specifically. Overall, everything you detailed in your post says you didn't bring out the best in each other. I wouldn't call the relationship toxic, but I also wouldn't call it healthy. Sounds like you've learned from the experience, and you can bring that to your next relationship. My 100% honest opinion is the girl in your post is not worth the trouble. Better to have a clean slate with someone else.

[topazlight]

She isn't mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship from what you've posted, I know it's hard not to take personally but try not to, I think the result would be the same with any other man trying to date her. Too many mind games going on with her as well.

[morrowrd]

You sound like a puppy dog - following after her even after you're kicked. Plus, you are not in love either, you are attracted to her yes. It sounds to me you set yourself up to be burned here, the problem is you, and take this feedback in the best possible way, and not an insult. Theres alot of guys out there in the world just like you, taking the bait and getting the rejection. Take the advice you were given, and look for one of the "good girls" who might not be all hot and popular, but will treat you right.

[sabaazam]

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[julietsromeo]

You should have seen the warning signs at the get go - she said herself that she came from a relationship with a guy who has issues (or is it she's the one who has issues?).

If the guy has issues - Now I'm not one to judge girls who came from such relationships as messed up themselves, but given the situation she put you into, she probably picked up a few off-putting stuff from her ex and now tries to see how much about her you can stomach.

If she's the one who has issues - A relationship wouldn't really work out because she will only see you as someone who reminds her for how messed up she is. It will only destroy you both.

It's best for you to pick up and move on. I know, you were trying really hard but trying to get into a relationship with her will only cause you more grief and is very detrimental to both your emotional and mental health.