OMG, What is defined as cheating in this day and age????

[guywantslove]

Hi everyone, thanks for reading. I am hoping to work out in this day and age with all the access to mobile phones and social media that the following situation would be defined as cheating or not?

Me and my partner were together for about 18 months. We broke up and got back together after being single for about 3 months. During those three months my partner dated a few people here and there and was using online dating during the time and told me she also messaged a few flings from her past to check in the status of them. Allegedly nothing much came from those interactions except some flirting and she agreed to disengage with all of them when we got back together. I asked her what she meant by this and she said “that if anyone messages or rings her she would tell them she is back with me”. I was satisfied with this and we agreed to commit.

We only lasted two weeks and during those two weeks I found out she continued to message about 2 guys she went on past dates with and sent somewhat flirty messages and eventually told them about me but not straight away. I also found out that she initiated messages with previous guys she was with years ago to chat with and see what they were up to. All the guys she messaged wanted more from her and she confirmed this. There was no such thing as above board or platonic messages exchanged. I also found out she went on a date with another guy a few days before we committed, however we were still intimate a few weeks before that.

I claimed that she cheated on me, more in an emotional way over messaging and told her that her intentions were clearly not focused on us. She denied she cheated and said she only lied to me and was still trying to move from being single to being in a relationship. I think it may be a lot different in a fresh relationship however we got back together after a short period of time and we agreed to commit. Anyway, I refuse to work things out with her until she admits it was cheating otherwise I fear she will do it again if she doesn’t understand how wrong it was. She still refuses to say it was cheating and was only trying to get attention. In addition to all of this, she did a little bit of this in our proper relationship but not to the same extent. What are everyone’s thoughts?

[Kittie22]

It doesnt sound like shes very commited to you, especially if shes doing it with multiple guys. Sounds like she enjoys the attention and probably even being single more than in a commited relationship. And the whole "its not cheating" thing is BS. Dont fall for it because it definitely is. Eventually she will do more than texting and flirting with them, id leave her before that can happen and try to mend your heart. You deserve better

[gillian1]

This girl has concerns or issues if she does not think this is cheating. I can relate to people like this in my life and if they go down this track they are usually the following:


1) Self absorbed and selfish
2) Have some sort of mental illness and spend a lot of time on the phone trying to seek attention from other people
3) Basically a slut or a sleaze

Its usually hard to change this behavior and these people eventually just end up being alone in the long run.

I would run if i was you!! Nothing worse than a "new age" cheater

[guywantslove]

Would love some other opinions if you get a chance to comment? Thanks in advance

[myers5061]

She isn't serious and this whole ordeal is pointless. Cheating is cheating, whatever the form or age. Leave her and find somebody better. Also, you might want to check out an article on Nexus Date blog titled 'The Most Popular Relationship Problems And How To Solve Them'. It covers some of these 'new-age' problems.

[fearoflove]

Why does she need other's guys attention? Are you not giving her enough attention?

[Alopolo]

been there, dump her asap and go date other women. theres a lid for every pot.

[TheEvilJester]

Here's the thing...

If you two were "just dating" then none of that would necessarily be cheating, per se. If you two had not agreed to commit to each other, then there would really be nothing wrong with all that.

...Bottom line, and maybe this is just my opinion, but when she, in no unclear terms, told you she was committing just to you.... that she'd no longer date other guys.... that if they messaged her, she'd tell them she was with you.....

Then she proceeded to still talk to guys, flirt with guys, Hell even INITIATE contact with other guys.... THAT in my opinion is where it became cheating just based on the fact that she told you she wouldn't do exactly what she then turned around and did. I absolutely cannot blame you for not trusting her. Honestly, I don't personally think I could bother to give her another chance after that. It's one thing if guys were still pursuing her, but she told them she was no longer available and did not encourage their advances. You can't really blame her if guys can't take the hint. However, she was actively encouraging the continued flirting, and even if she DID tell them she was no longer single, it was only after time.

I will say this.... it is possible I'm being too cynical. I don't know. I can just tell you my personal opinion, and that is that I personally would not trust her after her actions. Good luck to you, though. I hope you decide what you feel is best for you, and I hope it works out for the best.