Did You Follow Your Dreams?

[melancholia]

I am doing a little survey to see who has followed their dreams. I want to know: what did you want to grow up to do when you were a child; and what do you do now?

Here's my answer:

When I was a child, I wanted to be a lawyer.

Now I'm a stand-up comedian; and I'm in school to become an addictions and mental illness counselor.

GO!

[breathe123]

Lol ~ really a lawyer, why? Do you perform at comedy clubs around your country?

I wanted to be a vet & I am currently studying for nursing & working part time for a doctor while still finishing my school.

[melancholia]

My favorite uncle was a lawyer -- he's now a supervising judge for the supreme court of BC. And yes -- I perform stand up comedy at comedy clubs in Vancouver.

[topazlight]

Stand up comedian sounds like a fun job.

I wanted to be a singer when I grew up. I used to always sing and put on little shows as a child. I am in a hospitality job at a hotel while still doing my studies for social work. So I did not follow my dreams at all.

[melancholia]

I used to do the same thing, topazlight! I used to force my parents and brother to sit in our living room and watch me "perform" lol.

Stand up comedy is so much fun. It's not easy though. It's such an unnatural situation to be in: standing on stage in front of a bunch of strangers, saying words you put together, and expecting people to 1) listen to you; 2) care about what you're saying; and 3) agree that it's funny, is such a strange experience. It is so amazing though, when people do laugh at the jokes you've written. That kind of validation is intense and I feel like I can talk forever afterward.

To the people who have gone a different route from what you wanted to do as a child: do you enjoy the career/job you have now??

[TheEvilJester]

I kind of changed my mind here and there when I was a wee little lad. Like just about every young boy, at one point it was either fire fighter or police officer. There was a time when I wanted to be a professional wrestler. There were times when I thought maybe I'd like to write movies.

The funny thing is, though, there was never any one thing that I decided YES, that is what I NEED to be, that is my destiny. So, I guess in that way I've never really had any specific "dreams," so to speak.

I see that as both a good thing and a bad thing. Bad because it might be nice to feel that passionately about something. To have a life's pursuit, some great thing for which to reach. But, it is also kind of really good because it has made me a relatively easy-going person by nature. Though life has, sadly, not afforded me the opportunity to live up to that nature, it really doesn't take much to keep me happy.

Hell, I'd still love to be a professional wrestler, or to write movies. But, I would not feel terribly and horribly unfulfilled if I die without ever getting to experience either. All I really want out of life are the simple pleasures. Beyond that everything else is icing on the cake. For a long time, I guess I'd say my only real "dream" in that sense was to find true love. Part of me just always felt like I was almost made to find that one true love and to love her in a way that nobody ever had. Part of me always felt that I had so much love to give, and it was just about finding the right person with whom to share it.

Sadly, I don't believe that anymore. I just don't see it anymore. There is nobody out there for me. The monster doesn't get the happy ending. But.... at least these days I can put a little bit of a positive spin on that depressing story. I've found myself these days in a way I never have before. Though part of me still wants to be proven wrong, to find that true love after all, I've somewhat accepted and learned to be content with my fate. Though I do take it day to day these days, I am happier now than I ever have been. I've just had to accept that I will need to be happy with myself. I wasn't really meant for this world, so every day is something of a gift.

[melancholia]

TheEvilJester, the only thing I ever thought I would be excellent at is being a mother. I've always wanted to have kids and that has been my real dream ever since I was 2 years old and my brother was born. I would "steal" him from my mom and would not give him back to her, whining "I've barely had any time with him!" lol. Being a mother isn't a job, though, it's a life choice. I refuse to refer to parenting as a "job", even though it can be difficult, it is still a choice that rests with the parent, because the child didn't choose to be here. Of course, I also want "true love", but the vision I used to have of what true love is has changed for me over the years.

I think it's interesting that you mentioned finding true love as being your dream, when the original context of my post was about career choices. This is why I love "talking" with strangers about things like this. Our answers can vary so much, but we also have so many commonalities between one another and I find that absolutely fascinating.

Back to the career thing though, my current boyfriend is becoming a fire fighter and he has always wanted to be one, and he is actually reaching his dreams. I am always jealous of people who knew what they wanted to do at a young age, so they began their careers in high school. The first thing I can remember wanting to do (career-wise) was a lawyer, and that's because of my uncle, who was also a lawyer. I think when I was in 2nd grade, we had a project where we had to ask someone in our family about their job and I chose him, and because he was my favorite uncle, I wanted to be like him lol. I still could have been a lawyer, but things changed. I think it is important to recognize that we can be good at more than just one thing. We can all excel in more than one area, and finding the things we love to do is more important than doing things just because we think we can do them well.

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! Yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to go in a different direction, that's just sort of where the topic took me. As I said, for me there was never really any solid "dreams" career-wise, there were just things I'd LIKE to do. I've never really had any one thing that I felt I NEEDED to do or I'd die an unhappy man. So, really, love was the closest thing to that for me, because something in me (something I've often wished I could get rid of) used to make me feel like THAT was really what I most wanted out of life. These days, I don't feel that it anymore and it feels like a piece of me is missing.... and I don't know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I don't miss it. At least right now. In fact, I don't want it back because I'm tired of wanting love only for it to constantly feel so hopelessly out of my grasp.

Whatever. Shut up, Jester. LOL! I didn't mean to take this down such a morose path. LOL! Back on topic....

Anyway, career-wise, I agree with what you said about not limiting yourself. Honestly, that's always been part of my problem/gift (yes, it's both). There are a lot of things I could easily learn to do VERY well. I'm confident that there are many careers I could do if given the chance. So, it wasn't like there was ONE thing calling me. I've got a great career now that I love, but it's not like it's some dream job type thing. It isn't something I'd do if I suddenly had so much money I never needed to work another day in my life, but is something I enjoy doing anyway. So, I'm content career-wise.

[melancholia]

I didn't mean to suggest that your idea of love being your dream was wrong at all. I think it's really interesting how we all have completely different ideas of what we want out of life. That is the beauty of conversations like this. We can find commonalities and differences within each one of us, and I think that's really cool.

I actually get serious anxiety when I think about the fact that I might not get to have kids. I'm going to be 27 this month and I always thought that I would have a child, or at least be trying for one at this point in my life and I'm farther away from that than I've ever been in my life. I could have had it with my ex, but our relationship wasn't healthy and I would have had to take care of a baby and an adult baby, and who would have been there to take care of me? Nobody. If I was selfish enough to have kids with the wrong person just so I could have a baby by the timeline I created for myself, I would have. But for mine and my future children's sake, I didn't. It's going to make me a better mom in the long run because I am waiting to have them when I am ready, and when I have a partner who is also ready for that step. But what worries me, is that as a woman, I do have a time limit for when I can have children, and I don't want to start having them too late in life. When you've had one specific dream for yourself that you've had all your life, and you have to force yourself to change the direction of that dream, it is really hard to do. It's also really emotionally draining. So I try not to think about it too much, and I suffocate the twinge I get every time I see someone with a baby. It's really hard to realize that we aren't guaranteed our own children, we aren't guaranteed anything in life, but the thought that I could miss out on that life experience of having my own babies really stresses me out. I actually get panic attacks when I think about it too much, soooo I'm going to stop talking about it right now and get back to something more light-hearted.

My dream isn't to be a stand up comedian. I'm not aiming to be the next Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld or Louis CK. I chose to get into stand up comedy because I needed a creative outlet. I also suffer with social anxiety, so I started going to comedy shows around Vancouver about 3 years ago so I could meet new friends after I split from a 5 year relationship with my aforementioned ex. I met so many awesome friends in the comedy scene and I love the community vibe in my city that comes along with it. After watching comics do their thing for a few years, I started writing my own jokes. I originally never wanted to perform them, I wanted to write jokes for other comedians, but no comics in Vancouver will use jokes written by a ghost writer. So in order for my jokes to be heard, I had to perform them myself. And then it started going from there, and it's really a lot of fun!

[megvoh]

I wanted to be a teacher and studying to be a pre school - early years ( you'd all call it ) one atm whilst working in a flower shop. My mum and grand mum are both teachers so, that is why I always wanted to be one, I guess
Tell us some jokes in the joke threads, melancholia Your own ones.

[TheEvilJester]

I could have had it with my ex, but our relationship wasn't healthy and I would have had to take care of a baby and an adult baby, and who would have been there to take care of me? Nobody.

Oh my God! I know EXACTLY how you feel about that. I had the same problem with my ex. She wanted children. She wanted to have a large family. The biggest problems with that were A) just like all the other things in life she wanted, she wasn't willing to actually put in any of the work you have to do to be able to achieve that.... so it would have been me basically on my own supporting God knows how many children AND her.

B) As I learned far too late, she could barely handle herself, much less ANY responsibility. She basically WAS a child. It's funny the way you put that, because it is almost EXACTLY the way I used to feel. If I were to have had a baby with her, it wouldn't be like two parents raising a new child.... it would have been like me being a single parent raising two children.

I even remember this one time, near the end of our relationship, I was watching a TV show and a pregnant character has her baby. They are wheeling her out, baby in arms, to see her family who have been waiting there for her. She's beaming, they are all beaming, everybody is just so happy.

I imagined that same scene with my ex being the new mom and me being the new father.... and I could just imagine the soul-crushing anxiety of knowing I was all alone in this new venture. Basically all alone to raise two children. My actual child and my ex (though obviously at the time she was not yet my ex).

.... Then I imagined the same scenario with some fictional woman who actually loved me, deserved me, treated me the way a partner should, was able to handle herself, made a great mother.... basically everything my ex was NOT. In that imaginary scenario, I could imagine feeling so happy and so full of life. Still anxious for what was to come, but a good anxious. Like my life was about to change as I knew it.... but for the better.

It was just one of those wake-up call type things to make me realize that I deserved so much better. These days, it isn't like I'll ever HAVE a partner anyway, but I'm not so sure anymore if I want kids. I've never really had a strong feeling one way or the other, it has always just been that I'd want whatever my wife would want, if and when I ever had one. These days, I just don't know.

Anyway, I understand how you feel. It is definitely not too late. I think you most definitely did the right thing in not rushing it. Obviously sometimes life happens, but the ideal situation is to have children with somebody you actually want in your life. So, I agree with you that having children with somebody who was not good for you just because you wanted children would not have been a good idea.

Good luck to you! I hope you do get to live up to that dream. If you do, you will be so much happier that you waited to do so with the right person.