In Need of Advice - Crazy Relationship (Long)

[scl971]

So sorry in advance for the length, its about 2.5 pages if you're up for the challenge::

Hey all, so I am in a rather difficult situation with the relationship I’m currently in… I’ll go over briefly what the situation right now is and then talk about our past history and how this is making it a difficult situation for me. I would greatly appreciate any and all advice on this if you have the time to read through it all.

Anyway, basically the situation I have found myself in occurred earlier this week. So I had told my girlfriend about a night that I had “cheated” on her, which was 3 weeks ago. I had waited to tell her about the night because we were going on spring break together and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t distracted and upset the entire week with me. However, I decided to call it cheating but I’ve seen many others with a similar situation call it accidental or just a drunk kiss. Whatever it may be, I had come back from the bars to my fraternity house and my room was full of people when I had gotten back and wanted to go to bed so I took a lap around the house and had ran into this girl I have a class with. We were just complaining about how awful the class we had together was so on so forth for about 3 minutes until she leaned in to kiss me and so we kissed for literally 2-3 seconds, not making out at all and no one else in sight. At that 2-3 second mark I was like oh hell wait this is so wrong I have a girlfriend, this is absolutely not right. Where she proceeded to lean to and try again and finally drunk me was like this is messed up and I stormed off to my room upset about the situation. Anyway the days went on and I don’t know what it was but it bothered me quite a bit that this had happened so when we finally got back from break, I decided to tell my girlfriend about the night. I wasn’t worried that she would find out or anything but I believed she deserved to know – I would rather have my relationship based on the truth rather than lies and cheating. At this point we had been together for a long year and a half. Well shocker here, she did not take the news very well with me and broke up on the spot with the reasoning, I cant trust you anymore, I’ll be graduating this year and worrying about what you’re doing and who you’ll be hooking up with while I’m gone and I don’t want to deal with that. She then went on telling me how she couldn’t have her fairy tale love story since I had done this. Following her leaving after countless attempt to keep her to stay and convince her to stay with me she left and proceeded to tell all of her friends, mom AND older brothers that I had cheated on her with some girl multiple times over the past 2-3 MONTHS which when I had finally heard the news of this coming back to me, I was blown away how it could be taken so far from the truth… This was upsetting but regardless I was still trying to get back with her. I tried for 2 days and had just heard other reasons as to why she wanted to stay broken up and what not and then on the second day I had an epiphany back to our history dating thus far…

I became extremely bothered by the fact that she was unable to forgive me for this drunk kiss which I didn’t even need to tell her about in the first place, but I had previously forgiven her for cheating on me 100% sure at least twice and 90% sure a third time. The first 2 had occurred in the first 6 months of us dating where se hooked up with this guy from a bar she met, they hung out again the next night at his place, she claims they just made out, believe what you will and I’ll give her benefit of the doubt… However she had never told me about the situation, she had fallen asleep and her phone lit up when I was coming back from brushing my teeth and it was a text from this guy saying how they should meet up again but how they couldn’t tell anyone because he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out, scandalous right… So the nosey me at this point decided to look into what the conversation was prior to this and it was about the same thing talking about how this needed to be kept on the DL and what not. So instead of me calling it quits right there, I was suspicious as to what else she may have been hiding from me so I looked back through a few others, first being her ex boyfriends texts since it had always bothered me how much she had texted him around me and what not and lone behold, I come across a conversation over winter break when I was back home and her ex was back in town of her saying “that sex last night was great” “don’t you wish I would cum back over” and all of these awful texts that got my blood boiling. So I snapped a few pictures on my phone in case when I confronted her she would deny it and then delete them and to my disbelief she denied it all in the morning when I asked if she had anything she wanted to tell me, to be more specific, about cheating on me at all. She seemed shocked that I could ask her such a thing and continued to deny this until I was fed up with the bullshit and said this this the last chance to tell me or we’re done if you are lying. Well, she stood her ground and I brought out my pictures and as terrible as it is to say the look on her face was priceless. She broke down instantly apologizing and what not but sticking to my word, I ended things right then and there. But young love, whatever it may be at the age of 21 decided that I was too into this girl to stay away so I got back together, partially due to the fact I think I may have been manipulated by her into doing so by feeling bad. Any who, the third instance was over the summer while I was working my internship and she had come to a wedding in the same city that I was working in but her ex was going to be at this wedding so I was a bit uneasy about the idea of this. I asked her not to go but she was set on going and I asked her to at least do me the favor of not talking with him and that all went to shit real quick as soon as she started drinking. I got a Snapchat of the two of them together at the beginning of the night and I had stopped getting responses from her but she still managed to read receipt all of them throughout the night. Mind you we were dating just shy of a year, maybe around 10 months at this point. Either way, she comes back to my apartment in the morning and begins to apologize for getting to drunk and no responding to me at all. She claimed she had gone back to her hotel and slept there for the night but then still partially drunk slipped up showing me “funny texts” from her girls group chat that night where she accidentally scrolled up to her message saying that she was in her exes room and woke up in his boxers and polo… Her story at this point had changed to how she stayed there because it was closer and that there were 6 or 7 people in the room and that she stayed in a different bed from him which later turned out to be a lie when she went up a text more indicating that it was her, her ex and his friend in that room and that she had “kept it PG for the kids in the room” I also noticed what looked to be a covered up hickey which she tried to claim was a bump she scratched this morning, benefit of the doubt right..? Anyway, I was too upset about her lying to me and proceeding to literally wake up in her ex’s bed with his clothes on. I don’t recall how this one had played over or why I got over this instance so easily but I did. Whatever it is in my head saying this is all okay right now still boggles me but I had always justified staying with her by reminding myself of how much I love her. It was true, this was the first girl I had ever settled down to date and I had my fair share of adventures throughout college thus far but this girl was different, I couldn’t pinpoint what was so different other than to determine this was what love feels like. Other than the lying and cheating, she was always a very manipulative girl where any argument we would have, I would end up being the bad guy and that’s what she would pass around to her friends about how I was this horrible guy and unfortunately she is very well spoken and intelligent so her side of the story tended to stick more with her friends, therefore making me a bad guy. This blew my mind because these arguments we would have in the first year of our relationship always involved me getting slapped, hit and bit repeatedly. This is all in part to during my epiphany of why I didn’t think this relationship was fair anymore seeing as I could forgive her for all of this yet, 1 drunk kiss ends it all for me.

Long story, I know but we’re almost done here. So anyway, now after turning me away for the first few days after we had broken up this time, she decides that she has “officially” forgiven me for “cheating” on her and would now like to get back together. I was hesitant at jumping right back into things seeing as this is probably something she will hold onto for quite some time and seeing as she will be graduating this year, she will probably be concerned about what I am doing every night with her gone. We still have no idea where she will be after graduation anyway, but there is a very high chance it will be in the same town as our school seeing as her parents live here.

So what I am looking for advice on her is, do I get back together with her after she had gone out and told the world a blown out of proportion story of me cheating on her, try to remedy things with her friends and family while worrying about next year or do I take this as a ticket to freedom and run? Deep down, my gut has hesitation about getting back with her and my head is telling me this is whole situation is messed up but my heart is head over heels for this girl. She is my first love and we have had some amazing times together, arguably the best of my life and I could really see a future with her despite all of this craziness we have had so far. I truly believe the best of the best in our relationship outweighed the worst of the worst so this is why I remain hesitant… Any advice here as to how I should go about getting back together with her or how I should go about leaving her for good would be greatly appreciated! My concern about leaving her is hurting someone I care about and if I were to leave I want to make sure that I am doing so in a respectable way. My apologies for my redundancy throughout this “fairy tale love story.” Hope you enjoyed this short novel of my life..!

[smackie9]

You both are going to end up doing very different things in your life. You are best to cut ties and enjoy your youth getting with other girls. You are way too young to be fighting your way through this drama. You shouldn't have to work this hard for a relationship....when it gets to this point it's usually best to just end it.