I guess I know the answer already... but...

[Em_1051]

I rarely like someone as more than friends. It has happened exactly once before, and the affection was not very strong. But this guy. He's different. I'm the type that always enjoys being single and having the freedome and time to prioritize my life the way I want to. But I met this guy. He's a masters student while I'm an undergrad, but he's only two years older than me. He's competent, smart, resourceful, friendly, down-to-earth, and the list goes on and on... Plus he loves hiking (I'm really really passionate about hiking) and nature in general. He also loves the same books, movies, etc.. that I do. I may be smittened, but that's not even the problem. He's graduating this semester and is moving to a different state... very far away. And from our conversations... it doesn't sound like he every plans on moving to any of the places I've been thinking about settling down in.

I'm a very career-driven women. I was not only raised to understand that I need to be financially independent, but I also have a solid future building right now. I don't really have the time to spend on dating anyone anyway... but I just can't stop thinking about him. And it's not that naive teen romance type of thinking either. I can really picture myself marrying this guy... and even having kids. And I HATE children.

We recently spend a lot of time together due to some professional reasons as well as just sharing our hobbies (hiking...). And I've fallen even more for this guy. And the worst part is... I think he may - just maybe - like me back. There was something special when we kept making eye contact throughout lunch even when we had other people at the table. And the way he kept worrying about me because he knew I happened to be in a not-so-perfect physical condition that day.

I love his laugh, smile, eyes, the way he walks, the way he has enough confidence to just be himself, and just about everything.

So. I guess my question is... Should I pursue him? Or should I tell myself that the idea of us becoming anything more than friends is unrealistic and just move on with my life, focusing on my career as I've done for the past who knows how long? And how would I even figure out if he likes me back without ruining our professional relationship as well? I'd appreciate the help!

Thanks.

[smackie9]

Know the difference between love and infatuation. You are infatuated. You need to get your head out of the clouds and face it, this is a waste of time for the long term.

Now if you just want to do something temporary until he leaves, go for it.

[TheEvilJester]

I definitely do lean toward thinking it is best not to pursue things, at least, as smackie points out, unless it is with the understanding that it is only temporary. After all, you said he will be moving soon and seems to have no interest in living anywhere you could see yourself living. That is a pretty important detail.

That said.... it isn't necessarily that black and white. For one thing, are you absolutely 100% sure that there isn't anywhere he'd be open to living that coincides with somewhere you would as well? For all you know, maybe you are basing your decision only (or at least largely in part) due to that, and it could turn out your desired geography DOES have some overlap after all.

If you feel something for this fella that you've never felt before, MAYBE that does at least deserve some exploration. As smackie said (and I agree) you certainly shouldn't waste your time if this is just infatuation and there is likely never going to be a happy ending to this story. If you two truly have no hope of wanting to live in the same places, that is a big deal, and not one where you should compromise if it is not a compromise with which you can both be happy.

Yes, it is true that love should be felt in the heart and not be a completely logical decision.... but it honestly should ALSO be logical. Love should definitely be the most important part of a relationship, but it is NOT all that is important. For example, if two people otherwise seemed a perfect match, but one absolutely wanted kids and couldn't see living without them.... and one did not want them AT ALL and could not see ever changing... that would be a pretty big indication that they are just not meant to be.

Is this a case of something being too big for the relationship to be worth even pursuing, or a case of something not being a big enough deal to not at least give it a try? Hard for any of us to say. It's not an easy decision for sure, so I definitely wish you the best in figuring that out.

If you DID happen to decide to pursue it, though, allow yourself to be somewhat lost in and enjoy the feelings/excitement of a new relationship.... but don't ever lose that logical side as well. If things seems great.... but there is still something big that would be make or break for the relationship, then it is best to know that sooner rather than later.

Good luck to you.

[Em_1051]

A big thank you to both of you. He did mention that his current dream job would be in Boston even though he doesn't like the city itself, and that's one of the cities on my list at the moment.. So I think our location is something about which we could potentially compromise. I think my biggest worry at this moment is that I will ruin a professional relationship that I believe will be very beneficial throughout the years. (I'm clearly way too career focused..) And I think another big thing deterring me from talking to him about how I feel is that I don't feel like I'm good enough for him and I'm super scared.. There are two polar sides of me and both of them are afraid to talk to him.. Haha. Advice on how to handle this both professionally and emotionally would be very much appreciated!

[TheEvilJester]

I guess, professionally, it depends on exactly how much it could potentially negatively effect your career. For example, if we were talking about your boss, then yeah, probably better not to pursue that. I think it is awesome that you are so career-focused, but that shouldn't also cost you your personal life. So, if you thought maybe there could be something there between you two, that may be worth pursuing. Again, depends, I guess, on how much it would or would not effect your professional career/how closely you work with him.

As far as thinking you are not good enough.... well, STOP THAT right now. Trust me, I know that feeling. The thing is, you shouldn't worry about whether you are "good enough" for him. Be good enough for you and you'll be good enough for him. If he doesn't see that, then that is his loss. Believe me, I think we ALL have that feeling at some point.

He may be a great guy, I don't know him so I wouldn't know. But he's not better than you. He's a human being just like you. So, don't let that be the deterrent to pursuing things with him. I mean, if there are other valid reasons you feel it better not to pursue it, then do what you think is best, but don't let your self-doubt control that. You deserve somebody if that is what you want. He'd be just as lucky to have you as you'd be to have him.

[Em_1051]

Hey guys. Just to updatw you on this... I confessed to him just today... And it went in a completely different direction than I had expected! I had prepared myself for a very kindly worded rejection, but apparently.... He's interested in me too! Except... He is very very religious and being Catholic is something about which he is unable to compromise becausw it's such an integral part of who he is. But since I'm very eager to learn about religions in general and have always felt an attraction for Christianity, I proposed that I try attending his church with him and see how I feel in the environment. I'll be meeting his whole family and his church soon. And we have decided to just see where it goes after I see what Catholicism really is! Thanks for your support, and please give me any advice, encouragement, caution, etc... that you think may help me as He and I move forward in this relationship!

[TheEvilJester]

That's awesome! See, now aren't you glad you gave it a shot? If it had gone poorly and he wasn't interested, at least you'd know. ...But it actually went well! I am happy for you.

I hope things work out for you both religiously as well. If his religion is really important to him, then that may not work if you learn it just isn't for you. For some people, their religion is important enough to make a difference, to some it is not. Either way, I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't, don't get discouraged. If he doesn't turn out to be your true match, that doesn't mean you don't have one, it just means you haven't found him yet. As it is, though, I hope this goes well for you so you never have to find that out anyway. Good luck!