Confused

[Stacysummers74]

Hi I'm wondering if someone can help me out to understand my daughters mom. We split up over 20 years ago I never got a reason she just one morning decided to leave she was married a short time then moved out of state with a new boyfriend. She says all her relationships were physically abusive except with me. After a few weeks of talking recently one night she asks me to come over when I got there she was asleep not answering. Then I got her to go out one night. I leaned in to kiss her and she pulled away. I thought ok then. As I start backing up she grabbed me and kissed me. As we talked the next few weeks we flirted with each other alot she sent me pics of her in the bath one night we went out again and she got drunk as she drank she talked more and more about how perfect we were together that she had been missing me so much and even wanted me to move out of state with her. We parked and had sex in the mountains. It was great keep in mind I've been in love with her since we first met in high school. And she is more than aware of my feelings anyway the day after we had sex she starts telling me that it was a horrible mistake she wished none of that night ever happened. And that she didn't know what happened she was drunk. I never accept I was drunk for an answer. She starts telling me I have no feelings for you I don't love you if I ask her again what happened she won't talk to me again. She doesn't want to talk about it again. The only time we talked about it was when she said she wished it never happened going on a rant that made me feel like a real piece of cap for loving her. I really still love this girl to death I'd do anything to make her happy it seems like she gets off on my being upset. Can somebody please help me understand what is going on with this girl. Just an idea even

[tmtsquad]

It's obvious she has something towards you but she's scared to fall in love due to her last abusive relationship dude if I was in your shoes I would be very very gentle towards her suprise her with cute stuff even a letter about your feelings will make her day just go easy one wrong move and you're out.

All the best lad.

[megvoh]

Could she have been using you to some how self soothe because she KNOWS you still love her?

[Stacysummers74]

Who knows. During the last 20 years when we do end up talking it only lasts a few weeks but never got to serious again . When we do talk it's always good then not. She always brings up a time when I was 16 and she broke up with me and I said ok and walked away. When she says that within 24 hours she hates me and usually we will not talk again for a few years. I keep telling her I was 16 a stupid kid. She will not forget it. I don't know I'm just a gluten for punishment I guess

[Keepingon]

Could she have been using you to some how self soothe because she KNOWS you still love her?

THIS.
Sounds like she has taken advantage of your feelings towards her to satisfy her needs - attention / sex or whatever.

[megvoh]

OP, just stop being a gluten then, end it all on your side. She can't use you if are not longer available to be used.

[Stacysummers74]

Yeah that is the thing to do. If it were that easy I wouldn't be here 20+ years later still trying. I do appreciate your comments though. Don't think I'll ever get the answers I want from anyone. But still being stupid and hoping for the fairytale ending.

[megvoh]

But it may be love on your end, but from past experiences do you really feel it is on her side?
That should be enough to move on knowing she only tries when she needs it and doesn't care how it all affects you. If you could just be real good friends that could be a fairytale ending of sorts too.

[Stacysummers74]

Yeah megvoh your probably right. Time will tell