Dealing with an ex

[daveinva]

So, after twenty years, my ex emailed me the other day. She had a vastly different perception of what happened in our relationship when we were in our early 20s, but the gist is this: we were a serious couple and had talked about marriage. She suffered from manic depression and was prone to erratic behavior and violent outbursts. When I became ill with a serious infection and we were living in other cities, she took up with another man, whom she eventually married, after dragging me through all the gory and intimate details of her new relationship while I was ill. Then, after bringing her husband to my house the week after she was married, she told me she never wanted to speak to me again because I refused to communicate with her consistently after she married some other guy. Got it?

No doubt I hung on too long. But now she acts like nothing ever happened and that she just wants to reconnect to relive old times. Never mind that she's still married, has multiple kids, etc. I want her to get lost and stay lost. Should I tell her how I feel about her rotten conduct, or should I just not reply, figuring she'll get the hint?

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, it sounds to me like you don't owe her a damn thing. Based on the story you shared, she sounds like a deplorable reprehensible excuse for a human being. Furthermore.... it doesn't sound like that has changed one bit. For her to have done such a cold, heartless thing to you..... all while you were SICK, nonetheless, shows that she is the lowest kind of scum. The fact that now she thinks she can just act like nothing ever happened tells me she has not changed.

It would be entirely different if she came to you saying she'd been such an idiot and she sees that now and she's so sorry for hurting you in the past. If she actually seemed to know and care that she had wronged you, then that would be a different story. Honestly, I might still suggest keeping her at arm's length anyway. Under those circumstances, I still wouldn't necessarily suggest getting back with her, or even being close friends. But, no reason you couldn't be friendly. I mean, if you wanted to give her another chance, or even just be closer friends, then that would be up to you, but I would personally suggest it best to leave the past in the past even then.

.... Moot point, though, because obviously she's learned nothing and she's not changed at all. So, you know what? I think I'd suggest your first approach be to just completely ignore her. You don't owe her a damn thing. If she can't take the hint and she keeps trying to contact you, then you maybe get more firm. However, I still wouldn't suggest you get into any lengthy discussion or tell her off for what she did. I would just say you leave it at a very simple, short, but firm message. Something like "Look, I've moved on and no longer have any hurt feelings over it all. It's all in the past. The thing is, that is where I need to leave it. Good luck to you."

She already ruined part of your past..... why let her ruin even one more millisecond of your present? You don't need that drama in your life. So, don't let her drag you down to her level. Believe me, you are SO much better off without somebody like that in your life anyway. Good luck to you.