Im not sure where to start. Ive been dating a wonderful man for almost 2 years. I have been living with him for almost the entire time, and we are a great match. I love this man with my whole heart and see myself marrying him. Shortly after we began dating i met a guy through some mutual friends and was attracted to him straight away, and i could tell he felt the same. We both were in relationships, so nothing happened but we started talking regularly. We never hung out besides that one time with friends because his gf didnt approve, but he has always kept in contact with me anyways. About 9 months of texting later, and we both kind of admitted our attraction to eachother and things started getting a bit bad. We started out only sending pictures to eachother, and this eventually turned into hooking up, despite us both being in relationships still. This has happened on and off for the past 6-7 months of so. He has a child, and has no intention of leaving that, and i have no intention of leaving my bf either. We both understand that about eachother, and there have been times when we have felt bad about it and stopped, even blocking eachother on social media but we eventually give in and one of us finds a way to contact the other. We recently started working out together at a local gym and still have occassional hookups. Now i know this is so terrible. My bf has no idea, i truely do not want to hurt him! Nor do i want to be without him, but i just cant seem to let this other man go. Its like he fills in all the gaps my relationship is lacking and we get along great. My bf isnt super interested in sex, he doesnt call me sexy or try to make me feel good in that way. We only ever have sex in our bed at night when we go to sleep and its just the same boring thing every time. Ive tried to spice things up but its hard to constantly keep up the effort when he doesnt. Being with this other man, though i know its wrong, the exitement is amazing and he is a good friend to me and helps me with things my bf cant. Im so confused, i know its wrong to have both but any other option will just bring everybody pain. I cannot leave my bf because id have nowhere to go, no family or friends, not enough income to live on my own.. And i truely do love him despite my actions.. I also do not want to cause my lovers family to fall apart. We both messed up big time, i know it would be best if we just stopped contact again, but no matter what i can not find the strength go say no to him and continue to live a boring sex life. its too enjoyable, and im too selfish. I know i will get so much hate from this.. I truely never meant for it to happen..