Love Forum…
I really, really need advice or constructive criticism. I’m at my wits end here and can’t decide what to do.
I’ll try to keep this short.
My partner and I have been together for just over two years. We were engaged and got pregnant in May last year, which we both badly wanted. We sadly lost the baby in June but knowing we could keep trying kept me going.
In Sept my partner told me he missed his children. Three teenage boys living in America. So he left me and went back to them. I discovered recently that he had gone back not only to be with his children but with his estranged wife. At the same time as reuniting with his wife, he was also having an affair with a woman in the local area. His wife didn’t know of this obviously.
After he left I discovered I was pregnant, and after deliberating I contacted him and told him about the baby. He told me leaving me was the hardest thing he ever had to do and told me that he wanted to come back to me. I have him the benefit of the doubt and took him back. He was back in January, but sadly I again lost our baby. He stuck around for maybe three months but now has just disappeared. I believe he’s gone back to the woman he was having an affair with before, even though he left her to come to me.
The kicker here is that I have again discovered that I am pregnant with his child. I am torn between telling him or not. I will wait until 12 weeks if I do decide to tell him. To make sure all is good and I pray it is, with my baby. I am having this baby regardless of whether he comes back or not. I have wanted a baby for so long.
The fact is that I have no right to deprive my child of a father if he DOES want to come back, and I literally cannot live without him. He has issues. I am aware of that, but I also know I can help him work through them. And I am not without fault here. The worst thing about our relationship is that neither of us communicated well. And he hated that I shut him out. I think that contributed to him leaving, although I’m not blaming myself for his shortcomings.
I know that I’m stupid taking him back but we have such a history and there are factors to take into account. I know it won’t be easy but I know that I CAN help him and we CAN make it work.
So, before you all tell me he’s a bad egg and I should NOT take him back again, I have decided that IF he tells me he wants to come back (which he may not do now that he has this floozy) I will take him back.
But I need to safeguard myself and my child. And this is where I need advice. My partner had a rough upbringing, pretty much rejected all his childhood as his younger brother had special needs and so my partner was shipped off to live with various relatives before being sent to boarding school aged 11. I know this affected him and his self esteem and that is obvious from the way he acts.
And that shows now in his adult life. We were very, very happy once and I know we can be again. So there will be boundaries if he DOES come back.
What I need advice on, is how I get him to stay faithful and NOT look elsewhere. I know I CAN help him but I don’t know how. I have my faults, Lord knows I do, but I KNOW we can work things out. For the sake of our unborn child if nothing else.
I know men CAN change, but I need to know what he NEEDS from me to help him want to be with me. He is a little boy at heart and so I need to treat him like that little boy that was shipped away from family and left to fend for himself. How do I do that?
Any advice would be very much appreciated. I have not contacted him since he left as I think we both need space but I will contact him if, God willing, all is good at my 12 week scan.
Can counselling help a man such as this who constantly thinks the grass is greener on the other side? I’m not ready to give up on him just yet. But if I take him back this time it’s his LAST chance. I know that. But this last chance could be the one time that he realises he wants me as much as I want him. Especially as there’s our baby in the equation.
Thanks so much for any help anyone can give.
Best wishes.