Friendship: To Ditch, or Not to Ditch?
I don't usually ask for advice, but I am faced with a dilemma and I'm not sure what I want to do about it.
My birthday was on Friday, and I had planned a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant. I had given my friends notice about it weeks in advance, as I know April is a busy month for most people. I invited one of my closest, best friends and her boyfriend to come to the dinner. She told me that she was definitely going to come to dinner. I had messaged her a week before the dinner, to double-check that they were coming (I double-checked with everyone), and she didn't reply. So I messaged her the day before my birthday to see how she was doing and whether or not she could make it to dinner. Again, no reply. So I figured she wasn't coming at that point, which was disappointing to say the least. Now, I don't usually make a big deal about my birthday, but this year was a difficult birthday for me because my mom, brother, and best friend (bro's GF) all moved out to Toronto in the summer, and this was the first birthday I had to celebrate without them. So I was really looking forward to having my other, closest friends with me to celebrate my birthday. Well, not only did she not show up to my dinner, but she didn't even message me to let me know she couldn't make it, AND she didn't even acknowledge me or say anything to me on my birthday. No message, not a word at all. I am not a psycho who thinks everyone needs to drop their lives to come have dinner with me, but the least she could do was send me a message saying, "Hey, sorry I can't make it to dinner, but I hope you have a great birthday."... she said nothing. Oh, but she did manage to share an FB post on Friday (my birthday) about Queen Elizabeth's 90th birthday (which was on Thursday).
What chaps me the most about this, is that she originally said she was going to come. Then she ignored my messages leading up to dinner, and didn't have the decency to say anything to me on my birthday? That is just hurtful to me. It's not like she forgot, because we have Facebook (which tells you when people's birthdays are), I have snapchat, instagram, and a f*cking cell phone. Sure, people get busy with their lives, but NOBODY is that busy that they can't take two seconds out of their day to send a happy birthday message to their friend. She isn't just some random person I just became friends with, we have been close friends for over 9 years. I have no idea why she would treat me like this.
So, I waited to see if she would message me after my birthday... nothing. So yesterday, I sent her a text asking if everything was ok, or if something happened. Because at this point, I thought maybe something happened to her or someone in her family... she didn't reply. So I messaged her on FB asking if her phone was broken... because honestly, I couldn't understand why she would just ignore me like this, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt by asking if something was up. Still! No reply! Oh, but she did post on Instagram after I'd messaged her! The number one, cardinal rule of ignoring people is never post anything, anywhere on social media if you are ignoring someone. Seriously, unless there was a death in her family, or she was in the hospital because of a freak accident and she lost the use of her hands, there is no excuse for not saying anything to me at all. This is so f*cked up. I have never treated her like this. I am a supportive, encouraging, and understanding person. If there was a reason she couldn't come to my birthday dinner, I would have been fine with any reason she had... but to blatantly ignore me repeatedly is inexcusable to me.
So here is my dilemma. Do I continue to reach out to her to try and talk about this? Should I let her know how hurt I am and see what she has to say? Or do I just drop her like a rock and move on? I am inclined to do the latter because after giving too many people the benefit of the doubt, I just don't have the capacity to tolerate this kind of shitty behavior from my friends. But, she is (was) a good friend to me for so many years, it's difficult to swallow the idea of just giving up on her.
Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry this was such a long post!
Last edited by melancholia; 27-04-16 at 09:49 AM.
"Caring is not an advantage."