Liking another girls pics was he being sneaky ?

[Candyflo]

Does it really bother you if your boyfriend likes random girls pictures. And I'm not talking about celebrities, girls that are friends or random cool things in a pic. I'm talking about random girls. My guy just liked some girls pic of her on a pole in little shorts with her ass hanging out in the air and it's really after hurting me. I looked at the page and he specifically liked this one even tho it's a week old and she's posted other pics. So he was definitely checking her page out. To me it feels like he is letting this girl he finds her attractive.

Honestly this stuff doesn't usually bother me but because it is just some normal girl from our city it makes me feel insecure if I'm honest. I know men are visual and attractive women don't just become invisible because ur with someone but I found it really disrespectful. And I really don't know what to do about it.

This all happened yesterday and before I even seen this on my ig feed. He had come up to my house to meet my mother which was his idea. So I really thought he was getting serious about me and now that I saw that it feels like a kick in the face.

What would you do I'm really confused?

[Jffs24]

How long have you been dating, not long enough to tell him liking that pic hurt you? If it bothers you, say so.

[Candyflo]

How long have you been dating, not long enough to tell him liking that pic hurt you? If it bothers you, say so.

About three months now, if I knew he had done this I wouldn't have introduced him to my parents. I suppose I'm scared to say too him I don't know how to approach the situation and I don't want to do it over text

[Jffs24]

No, do it in person so you can see his reaction to you saying it hurt you and why he had to like the pic why not just look at it, why'd he need her to know he liked it? Ask that question too. Three months is long enough for you to be able to tell him what bothers you and for you both to have an adult convo about it. If he breaks up because of you simply asking then he wasn't the guy for you, was he? I wouldn't go as far as you did saying because of that you regret him meeting your mother, he liked a pic -- he didn't have sex with her.

[melancholia]

Nope. Social media was designed for people to validate others' posts. If you are reading into your SOs actions on social media, then you have other underlying issues that need to be addressed, like insecurity or lack of communication. If you are okay with him gawking at celebrities, why would it bother you if he finds regular women attractive? Guess what? Celebrities are also real people. Yes, celebrities are less attainable than regular people, but it is the same thing. You cannot expect to restrict people to finding only certain people attractive, that's not the way life works. Your boyfriend will find other women attractive, but he chooses to be with you because he wants to be. That should make you feel good. You don't need to feel insecure because even though there are good looking people out there, your boyfriend picked you. Do you find other men attractive? Of course you do. I can understand that what bothers you is that he publicized his attraction to her by liking her picture on Facebook, which anyone can see. But, I think you are putting too much weight into his actions. If you are feeling insecure about the connection between you and your boyfriend, you can (and should) bring it up to him; but you need to understand that he is human, with human desires. But again, the biggest thing to keep in mind is that just because he finds another person good looking, does not mean that he doesn't value you, or think you are beautiful and attractive.

[Candyflo]

No its not the same because he could hardly cheat on me with a celebrity could he it's unrealistic. I've had many men in relationships like my pics and message me after trying to get my attention so no it isn't just that simple as your making it out. Yeah as I said attractive people don't disappear but if we were walking down the street together he wouldn't make it obvious his checking her out. By liking this girls pic he has let her know he finds her attractive he could have just simply looked at the pic and not liked it. And of course I find other men attractive but I honestly don't like random pics of men or men that look amazing because to me it is disrespectful towards him. Just because he goes to bed with me or chooses to be with me doesn't mean anything he could still do shady stuff on the side. I probably am different in the way I think but I feel there should be certain things you don't do.

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No, do it in person so you can see his reaction to you saying it hurt you and why he had to like the pic why not just look at it, why'd he need her to know he liked it? Ask that question too. Three months is long enough for you to be able to tell him what bothers you and for you both to have an adult convo about it. If he breaks up because of you simply asking then he wasn't the guy for you, was he? I wouldn't go as far as you did saying because of that you regret him meeting your mother, he liked a pic -- he didn't have sex with her.

Yeah I'm going to take your advice I'll just ask him calmly and if he dumps me or think its ok to do it. Then we're better off not together. I know people will think I'm overreacting but I wouldn't do those things to him because I would worry it would hurt his feelings.

[melancholia]

No its not the same because he could hardly cheat on me with a celebrity could he it's unrealistic. I've had many men in relationships like my pics and message me after trying to get my attention so no it isn't just that simple as your making it out.

It's as simple as you want it to be. If you want to blow it out of proportion and read into his actions on social media, then go ahead and do that. How do you think this conversation would go if you brought it up to him? Also, he could cheat on you with anybody. Anyone has the ability to cheat, but not everyone does it. If you trust him to stay faithful to you, and if you have an exclusive relationship together, then why are you working yourself up over such insignificant actions? If he were writing things on her wall like, "you're so hot, I want to f&ck you", I would think that's ridiculous and definitely inappropriate. But you are upset over him simply liking someone's picture, and it only bothers you because she is attractive. You even said if it were one of his regular friends you wouldn't mind, but it's a random girl... truly, there isn't a difference between him liking a random girl's picture and a famous person's picture.

Yeah as I said attractive people don't disappear but if we were walking down the street together he wouldn't make it obvious his checking her out. By liking this girls pic he has let her know he finds her attractive he could have just simply looked at the pic and not liked it. And of course I find other men attractive but I honestly don't like random pics of men or men that look amazing because to me it is disrespectful towards him. Just because he goes to bed with me or chooses to be with me doesn't mean anything he could still do shady stuff on the side. I probably am different in the way I think but I feel there should be certain things you don't do.

Exactly. He could cheat on you with anyone he wanted, whenever he wanted. The point is that he doesn't (as far as we know). Part of being in a relationship with someone is trusting them when you aren't around them. I agree with you that there are certain things you should and shouldn't do when you are in a relationship, but simply liking someone's picture is not one of those things. I really think you are making this into a problem when there isn't one.

Yeah I'm going to take your advice I'll just ask him calmly and if he dumps me or think its ok to do it. Then we're better off not together. I know people will think I'm overreacting but I wouldn't do those things to him because I would worry it would hurt his feelings.

Why does it hurt your feelings so much that he liked another girl's picture though? Does he not verbally validate you enough? Does he not tell you enough that you are beautiful and that he enjoys being with you and your time together? I think you should try and figure out what the root of the issue is before you blow this out of proportion.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, weird though it may sound, I actually agree with both of you. I think melancholia is completely right that, at least on the surface, him "liking" some girl's pic on social media is not something you should let bother you so much. Chances are it probably means nothing. As melancholia pointed out, it would be different if he were posting comments on their pages saying how "hot" he thinks they are, or flirting with them. Simply "liking" somebody's picture doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Just for the record, do you know if/how often he likes other peoples posts in general? Because, maybe he just happened to like her picture and he'd have liked it no matter what was in the picture just because he's showing support to a friend. So, at least based just on this one thing, I would NOT recommend you worry too much about it.... however, if it does bother you, you are certainly within your rights to talk to him about it.

Now.... on the other hand, I DO fully understand how you feel. I do think you are right in saying that it is not necessarily that simple. To be perfectly honest, I actually agree with you in one way, which is that I think when you are in a relationship, you SHOULD take things like that into account. In other words, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't "like" pics of other women if/when they are suggestive of her like the one you describe. It's one thing if it was a friend of mine/mine and my girlfriend's and it was just a normal, random picture. But, if it was something more suggestive, I wouldn't like it.

And that is for no other reason than I would think it is a little disrespectful to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean anything to me other than that I am showing my support to that particular friend/celebrity/etc. by clicking "like" on their post. Even so, it just would make me feel ungentlemanly to do that if I had a girlfriend. Yes, I am still human (unfortunately). Yes, I still find other women attractive.... but when I am with a woman, she is the most attractive woman in my eyes. I don't wouldn't want to give her any reason to think otherwise. I think of it like this. If I had a girlfriend and a female friend of mine was showing me her Halloween costume in person, I'd say "Hey, I really like that! That's cool!" On the other hand, if I had a girlfriend and a female friend of mine was hanging out in a bikini, I wouldn't make it a point to go up to her and comment. So, why should that be any different online?

It's not so much that he liked some other gal's picture that is bothering you. It's more so that it seems like he blatantly liked just one very specific picture. In all honesty, though, I do think it is probably bothering you more than it should. I don't say that to mean I am blaming you. I fully understand. What I mean is that it probably meant little to nothing to him. He probably didn't think much about it. He probably didn't do it intending to hurt you, and probably didn't even think it would.

So, as best you can, try not to let it bother. Sure, he'll find other women attractive, but he's not with them, he's with you. However, if it does bother you, you are certainly not being unreasonable. It would be unreasonable to over-react, but it isn't unreasonable to be uncomfortable with that. You can't help how you feel.

So, if it does bother you enough, talk to him about it. Since this is the very first time, and given the specifics of the situation (it isn't like he kissed some girl or anything, he just "liked" a picture online) I would personally suggest bringing it up almost as though it is a second thought. In other words, don't act like it is that big of a deal. Act as though you almost feel silly even bringing it up, and feel silly that it bothers you.... but for some reason it does.

In other words, basically I'm saying don't approach it like "Why would you like that picture?! Don't you see how that would hurt my feelings?!" More so, my suggestion would be something more like "I know this is kind of silly, but I can't help how I feel. I know I can trust you, and I know it means nothing, but I can't help that for some reason it still kind of bothered me...."

If he's a good guy, I can't see why he wouldn't understand and be willing to be reasonable with you as long as you are reasonable with him. If he were to react poorly, to blow up at you, to treat you poorly for even bringing it up.... Well, then maybe he's not the good guy you thought he was anyway. Hopefully, though, that doesn't wind up being the case. Good luck to you!