Lying about cheating or sexually assaulted

[Itaze]

This is a serious one for me and i would really appreaciate your opinions/feedback/advice!
I just got an inbox from a close friend of my girlfriend (of 2 months).
Lets call my girlfriend Natasha and her friend Cherry.
This is basically what she said in a nutshell :
Cherry threw a party at her house, they were both drinking. Cherry went out for a while and eventually came back to find my girlfriend Natasha extremely drunk. According to Cherry, she was 'blind drunk' as Natasha was slurring and could hardly stand up. Cherry went into her room, smoked up, and then went to sleep. She assumed that Natasha had gone home because she wasn't in her bed (where she always sleeps when she stay over there).
2 days after the party, Cherry's guy friend(who had been there that night) sent her a message saying that he had sex with Natasha. Cherry relayed his message to her but Natasha said that she had no recollection or memory of that night.

I don't know what I am feeling. It's a mixture of many emotions and it's stressing me out.
I am 110% open to any advice.
At the moment, i have thought of 3 options.
Please keep in mind that im really very serious.
1- Meet up with the guy, ask him for his story, if he tells me that he raped her, i'll without hesitation, end up asking him to fight me one on one. I am confident I can win.

2- Severe all ties and remove Natasha from my life (There is a something in my heart and mind telling me that she cheated on me, and is accusing the other guy for sexually assaulting her as an excuse, we have only been dating for 2 months and although I don't want this scenario to be true, I can't help but feel she might have done this if she was that drunk)

3- Talk to Natasha, she will probabably say what her friend Cherry said IF she did sleep with him. Basically brush it off, don't fight the guy, and continue our relationship.
When we have sex, it's awesome, but I can't imagine having sex with her again knowing she did sleep with another guy. It's painful to think about.

These past few months have been great though, I have gained alot of respect for Natasha and grown to really like her. However, this early into our relationship, these emotions that I have towards her are not strong enough to be called love. And the respect i once held has now diminished.

What do I do?!

I really, really appreaciate any comments and also thank you for taking the time and listening to my babbling.
Thank you all,
Itaze

[melancholia]

At this point you don't know anything about what happened, other than what your GF's friend told you, and who knows how valid she is as a source. You'd be stupid to try and fight someone, especially if you don't know the full story. Even if he did rape her, it's out of your hands completely. Your only option is to talk to Natasha about this. Tell her what Cherry told you, and see what she says. If she casts it off and simply says she was too drunk to remember what happened, then it's more likely that she cheated on you. But you won't know unless you talk to her. It's worth it to say that you should be 100% sensitive to Natasha before you make any assumptions of what happened. If she was raped, she is surely traumatized over it, and if she feels like you are accusing her of cheating when she was raped by someone, then that could end up really badly for both of you -- her especially. When someone is taken advantage of, it f&cks them up in a lot of different ways, and everyone reacts to it differently. There is no "right" way to handle it, because everyone experiences trauma in their own way. I don't want to suggest that she was raped, because you don't have enough details to know what happened. You need to talk to her about this. The sooner, the better.

[Itaze]

Hey, thank you so much, i will definitely do what you suggested and ask Natasha about it before I jump to any conclusions. We will see what happens from there.
Thanks you,
Itaze

[melancholia]

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.

[smackie9]

Like this guy is going to admit he raped her....give me a break. You are going to get conflicting accounts from all of them so you will never really know for sure what truly happened...


Just dump her and walk away.

[TheEvilJester]

For me, here's the problem with "Cherry's" story.... Right now, you don't have any way to know how true it is.... if even at all. How well do you know Cherry? For all you know, she could be a drama queen who likes to stir crap up. Or, she could be telling you the 100% honest truth..... but even then all SHE knows is that this guy e-mailed her claiming he slept with Natasha. When she asked Natasha about it, Natasha apparently did not remember that at all, but admits she didn't remember anything about the night.

So, even if you assume Cherry is being 100% honest with you, that still doesn't prove for sure anything actually happened. The guy could be making it up completely. Or, Hell, how well does this guy know Cherry/Natasha and their group of friends? He could even have just had the wrong name, and maybe it was somebody else he slept with and not your gal at all.

Not to mention, even if it turns out it is completely true.... that also still does not prove whether or not it was consensual. IF they actually did have sex, maybe it was consensual (and she did cheat on you) or maybe he took advantage of her. Heck, if nothing else, it is pretty unscrupulous to sleep with somebody who is so drunk in the first place. Whether or not they "consent," they can't REALLY consent, because inebriated people are obviously not in their best state of mind.

So, as melancholia was saying, you could go in all angry and yelling and accusing her of cheating on you..... only for it to turn out that she was raped by this a hole. So, she could have been victimized and you are just making it worse by acting as though it was her fault.

I most definitely DO NOT recommend you talk to the guy. What good is that really going to do? Even if he DID take advantage of her, or even if it was consensual and he knew she had a boyfriend but slept with her anyway, nothing good would come out of you instigating a fight. You'll only succeed in getting yourself in trouble and just making things worse. You could get in huge legal trouble. Not to mention, you may think you can "take" this guy, but you never know. Maybe he's a complete psycho. Maybe rather than lose a fight, he'll stoop to any means necessary and you could wind up getting seriously hurt or even worse.

There's just no good reason to confront him directly. If it WAS rape, then contact the authorities and they will deal with it. What you should do first, though, is to talk to Natasha about it. Don't do that until you can set aside your assumptions and hurt feelings. You need to keep an open mind and let her tell her side of the story before you jump to any conclusions. You can't come to her as though you are accusing her of wrongdoing, because for all you know maybe she didn't do anything after all. So, you have to come to her like you are giving her the benefit of the doubt and just want to hear her side of the story.

That should hopefully tell you all you need to know. Even if she lies/tries to skirt the issue, even that should give you a sense/feel for whether or not she is trustworthy. Good luck to you either way, and to her as well. Hopefully the whole story is just 100% false.

[Itaze]

Thank you for your advice, it hit me hard and i will let you know how things go.
Itaze