Does he love me or what?

[Mutant]

Hey guys,

I want to ask you for opinions on my situation. My biggest question is what should I do? Or what would you do if you were me, or him? Below is my story:

I'm a 28-year old guy from Indonesia and I am a closeted gay. I am pretty sure that I am interested to males, but I personally don't show it off in the public, and somehow I'm still thinking to have a normal marriage due to social pressure in my country.
I am now in a complicated relationship with a guy that has known me since the last 9 years and I am just confused about what I should do.
I have been falling in love with this guy since the first time I met him in 2007, but I didn't really try to develop my feeling that time. He continued his study abroad at the time and I also spent sometime abroad during my undergrad study. So, we just normally kept in touch and nothing was special to me. However, things changed in 2011 when we eventually met again. In that year, I kicked off my first job in the capital city and he stayed at my place several weeks while looking for a job after his graduation. We became intensely close each other, in which seemed chasing me and sometimes teasing me. However, I tried to ignore it because the other days he told me about his one-sided love with a girl. I tried to expect nothing from him, because I thought that he was straight and not interested in me. However, he did confuse me when he often asked me to sleep with him and to give a massage. While I tried not to touch him or anything when we slept together, he often suddenly took off his shirt off and sometimes touched his "weapon" on my body. Since then, I've thought that he might love me and that we really cared each other. I told him that I really care about him, and he told me that he often missed me when I was assigned to work outside the city in 2012. One day in 2014, when I came back to Jakarta and we slept together, with him being shirtless, I grabbed his "weapon". But then, he felt upset about it. In the next day, he asked me about what I did last night and he said that he was not a gay. He then asked me about my sexual orientation and said that being gay is wrong. I just cried that time and said that I wished I did not do it. At the same time, I unintentionally read his romantic messages with girls on his phone. Since then, I stayed away from him and cried. Besides, he was always unreachable when I tried to contact him after the incident.
I continued with my life and tried to focus on my job, and we didn't contact each other for about a year. However, out of the blue, he contacted me early this year. I first tried not to give him any response, but I was moved by how intense he tried to reach me. Then, he decided to move to live with me in my new place and said that he did not want to be away from me. I was really confused, but I finally said "yes" and now we live together. Although he has his own room, he frequently want to sleep in my room. Sometimes he choose to sleep in a matress on the floor and sometimes he decides to sleep on my bed with me with nothing happens. I've learned that he doesn't change. He still flirts with girls, but at the same time when I tried to ignore his message or ignore him, he felt angry and wants me to be with him. I am really really confused on what has been through in his mind. At one side, I want to just stay away because he seems not having the same feeling as I have to him. But on the other hand, I don't want to be apart with him anymore. I feel that he is the only one that I love, at least to date.
Do you guys have any opinion on what I should do?

Thanks and I hope that I can get your two cents

[hazey daisy]

He is still struggling with his sexuality which is very common. Yes he is gay, but has a hard time dealing with it that's why he puts the brakes on. Does he love you? No one can answer that but him. Coming out is very difficult because you worry about losing friends and family, there is so much at stake. Maybe seek out some therapy for yourself. Counseling might be a safe outlet to express your feelings and to help you work through your confusion. Then with what you learn in these sessions you can apply to your interaction with him to help him come out. One step at a time is all you can do.

[Desperate1]

I think he possibly does like you and wants to be with you but could be struggling with his own sexuality and because of that he is pushing you away. I think maybe you have to sit down and talk to him. If he refuses to admit that he is gay (if he is indeed gay) or that he has any feelings for you I think that you need to stop him from sleeping in your bed with you or even your room with you. Whilst he is (possibly) struggling with his own sexuality, he is leading you on, and stopping you from finding someone that you could potentially be very happy with. I think you need to ask him if he likes you that way, without any further physical contact. I hope it works out well for you but give it some time and find out his true feelings. Best of luck.