what does he mean?

[daisyflower]

I would love some advice.

the situation : I have a guy who considers me a friend, he states he will never see me as anything more than a friend. However, we talk and text on the phone every day, we hang out together at least twice a week, where we prepare meals, and I sleep over in the same bed and hug all night, we have had sex 3 times. He gets jealous of other guys I talk about, and wants me to open up to him more emotionally. He says he has been badly hurt in the past, 4 years ago his long term GF cheated on him, and since then he has essentially been on one to two dates every week, and always sleeps with them. Even though we have this friendship, he does continue to go on dates with girls, and have sex with them, but then always dumps them after 2 weeks. He always talks to me about which girl he's currently chatting up, which one he's dating, what the sex is like, etc. We sometimes have huge arguments like a couple would, I tell him to stay out of my life, but he never does, he just always there. I was getting the impression that he wanted to be **** buddies, but in the last couple days he has told me that is not what he wants
I guess I'm confused, I cant tell if he really does only want friendship, or if he does want more but is too afraid. desperately need a guys perspective. * to be clear, I have strong feeling for this male friend, but if I mention it, he still tells me he only wants friendship.
Please help

[Tonixx]

Hey, I'm not a guy, but I feel like I have went through something similar to you.

He never told me he wanted a friendship per se, but he would NEVER commit.

It sounds like this guy doesn't want to commit- not to you necessarily. Just right now he does't want that. It .sseems like that because he says he only wants a friendship, does the friends with benefits things with you AND gets jealous when you talk to other guys.

My advice? When the guy I was into wouldn't commit, I moved on. Found other guys to hookup with to distract myself from him. This pretty much sums up what is happening (even over 5 years later): (was going to post a link, but it won't let me) its the break up meme, that shows the difference between how guys and girls deal with a breakup- the guys eventually become the sad ones and the girls become the freed ones. You can google it

Honestly, just don't let him do this to you. Cut him off completely, and let him know why too. Don't talk to him once you do this- for at least a month, to let him know you are serious! This whole plan will fail if you cave in too soon. He will go back to treating you exactly the same. Go out, and go find some cuties to kiss. This may just lead him to beg for you to be in his life.

TRUST ME, THIS WORKS. It will suck at first, but once you get a guy or two to distract yourself with. It will feel empowering once you feel like you are starting to be in control of the situation. And with this empowerment, you will start to gain some clarity too. You'll probably come to realize, that if he isn't giving you the time, you can do way better. He will learn this the hard way.

Feel free to message me if you have any questions.

[billfever]

I would say move on. I was in a situation with a woman that looked and felt very much like a relationship but she always said we were not a couple. Yet, we slept together, fought, etc. She eventually moved on to a "real" boyfriend and left me. If he won't commit to you then he is probably just using you. You don't deserve to be hurt. I don't know him and don't want to judge him but if he said he will never see you as more than a friend then I would accept that. It hurts but protect yourself. I'm sure he has feelings for you but not enough to pursue a relationship, same situation I was in. However, you can always just ask him. Tell him you have to know for sure.

[cultureclash]

Run away and move on so you can be really happy!!! You will see then, how you deserved better!

[melancholia]

I was dating a guy for about 8 months, who was absolutely fantastic, but said he wasn't ready to commit to a serious relationship with me. He left in May for work, and I decided to break things off with him. I can't waste my time waiting around for someone to suddenly decide they want to be with me. It's ok if you are willing to be patient, but how long are you willing to wait? A few weeks, a few months? I've allowed myself to be in the position where I am waiting almost a year (or longer) for someone to "get it", and it's just not a fun place to be. I truly believe, and this is clearly a matter of opinion, but if you have to shake the head of the person you're with to make them see you are worth it, then you will never be worth it to them. At least not in the way you should be.

[Wakeup]

How many times does he have to tell you that he only wants you as a **** buddy/friend with benefits before you believe him? You are wasting valuable dating time being addicted to someone who values you only because you are a sure thing orgasm.

Wake up, schweet heart.

I suggest you don't play games of going no contact hoping you'll be the one he gives up sex with all those other girls for (have you been STI/STD tested recently?) like was suggested by another poster, Just tell him that you have developed romantic feelings for him and since he does not feel the same and can't give up his sex addiction, then you're going to have to break all contact with him and get on with your life finding someone who wants you the way you want them.

Then, don't answer anything from him unless it's "I want you the way you want me" in the heading.

You're addicted to him and you can't give up cigarettes if you keep having a drag off of one.

- - - Updated - - -

I'll add that it's ridiculous that you allow him to cross platonic relationship boundaries with you (like sleeping over in the same bed/****ing/expecting you to become more emotional with him/etc. when he's clear that all he wants in you is a friend. If you keep him in your life (huge foolish move if you do) then you should have stronger boundaries in place for yourself and stop allowing him to cross simple friendship boundaries on you the way he does.

[melancholia]

You're addicted to him and you can't give up cigarettes if you keep having a drag off of one.

This is a great line, mind if I borrow it for future reference?

[Wakeup]

Be my guest! ...