broken...

[newyou123]

Hi.. I am new to this. But I would like to talk to people about how I'm feeling. Finding it too hard to talk to those around me plus they keep putting their own feelings into it...

So basically i was in a relationship with a man 15 years older, for 3 years. We were engaged to be married and lived together. I have a teenage daughter, I am in my mid 30s . he has 2 children from his 2 previous marriages whom live with their mothers in Holland where he is from!

We met and fell in love quite quickly he pursued me wrote me love letters poems etc a very romantic person. I was going through a lost phase in myblife and this man was my rock. He adored me and told me daily how wonderful I was. I opened up to him about everything, I told him my darkest secrets, my fears and my flaws. I was completely open and honest throughout our relationship. We both had history so I just got on with it, I mean who doesn't have baggage! We got on great, spent most of our time together and were happy ( I thought). He proposed recently and I happily accepted. We had a couple of big fights but we stuck together and sorted it. He worked and I studied and had a small income, I took care of the home and cooked etc. He paid the rent and bills.yes we struggled and I guess there was a lot of financial pressure on him! He brought it to my attention that I needed to bring in more money and I went to take the steps of getting work. We visited his home country and I met his family and friends a few weeks ago. It was a nice time but he had some problems with one of his children so that was hard. He wasn't the same when we got back although he'd give out to me a bit the psst few months. It suddenly felt like I was doing everything wrong. Wevfought a lot and hurtful stuff was said.

He walked out 2 weeks ago, I was shocked and devastated eventually after a few days he agreed to meet we sat for hours talking and even had a family member there to mediate I guess ( he wanted this not me) after we spent time alone and he said he wanted me to change some things and he would too, that he loved me and wanted to fix things. I was so happy, we spent a romantic night alone and the next day he left for work he texted to say he would get his stuff packed to come home.

That evening I received a TEXT to say he was sorry he was not coming home and he hoped I could manage and find a job, that he didn't feel the same and by the time I read the text I'd be blocked and I was blocked from everything. I was left with a huge rent to pay,no bilks paid and some debt. He did not leave one cent! Nor have I been able to contact him because I'm blocked. I cannot tell you how hard it has been I feel so devastated, heartbroken and confused. I never in my life could imagine a man I loved could treat me so badly. Its cruel. And I am searching for answers.

[firehawk]

I'm very sorry to hear this. really i am. its not easy i know. it's funny, I wrote love letters also to my now ex and she loved it and never had that before. she never had anyone be open or be loved like i did. It seems the same with you.
at least he has been somewhat communicative in the end, wishing you well. lots of people (mine included) don't do that. I know its not comparing apples with apples but I am saying the similarities....

Really sorry. it hurts. i know. I wish there was something i can so. I know your mind cannot focus on anything and goes round and round in circles and you just don't want to move or even go out the house. When i was "forced" to move, I never left the house for 3.8 weeks! I left yesterday for an initial consultation with a therapist. (Something i don't need and shouldn't need but she made me pretty much like this in the end and feel like I need help - like its my fault)

(( big hugs ))

all the emotions you are going through and normal. Trust me. I have been there and going through it too.