Feeling sick to my stomach..

[Apollo56]

The past couple of days, I have been feeling sick to my stomach.. My fiance and I decided to take a break about a month or so ago. We were together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son. I guess it was a mutual thing at first. She wasn't happy and I wasn't happy. Sadly, I don't even remember the last fight during our relationship... I just know I told her that she makes me feel so small and unhappy at times.. Which she does. And from there it escalated... At first it was just a separation... She sleeps at her mom's a few times a week and so she can have her space. I thought it was a good idea at first... then I started getting suspicious.. she's became secretive.. and more distant.. Then she started hiding her phone messages.. changed her passwords.. and just started shutting me out. So I started thinking. What is going on? I thought it was just a break.. To figure out where our heart is. As it turns out, she has been talking to her ex from back in the days..

My world was turned upside down. She denied it at first.. But little by little I've been finding clues.. Then she finally admits it. She has moved out since then.. Four years and a 2 year old son. And I was replaced within a few weeks. She destroyed me. Ever since I found out, I feel my heart beating irregularly.. Skipping beats every few minutes.. Sleepless nights.. Distracted mind.. My stomach turns every time I think about her and her new man laying together (just like how it did when I typed that). I was fighting to get her back but she doesn't want to hear anything I had to say.. Everything is over. She is done.

I've cried for the first time since I can remember. Over. And over. And over. And over. I feel numb. My appetite suppressed. I should hate her, but I don't. I know what I've done. And I'm not proud of it. But I was working on it. I was ready to turn everything around. I wanted one more chance. I wanted to keep our family together.. but it was too late she says. Now I lay here alone.. with constant thoughts of her and her new man.. Physically and emotionally, I am drained. I feel lifeless. I just want her out of my head... But it's impossible since we have a kid together and we need to somewhat communicate... I need help. Please.

[bloodtippedrose]

Hi Apollo56,

Unfortunately there is nothing comforting I can say, grieving a relationship is as painful as a family member passing away. Right now you are disgusted at her being able to throw away 4 years just like that, and pissed at yourself for letting it all happen. The thing is though it ISN'T just your fault, it takes two to tango. You felt like shit around her, don't put her on a pedestal and remember only the times that was cupcakes and rainbows, you told her straight up how you felt. She could have took what you said into consideration and made herself a better person, but she didn't. She threw in the towel right then and there. She wasn't willing to put your happiness first, or even compromise. Now shes chasing some ex? Well she will realize that there was a reason she broke up with him back then too. Hopefully by then you will long be over her because sweetheart, you deserve better than that. If she said she is DONE, you cannot change her mind. Do not use your kid as an excuse to stay together. You don't deserve to be someones afterthought, or to be strung along. Suppressed appetite, nausea, extreme sadness, are all very normal to be feeling right now. Take what you've learned from this relationship to make yourself a better boyfriend for the next woman. I know it's not what you want to hear, and I definitely know it is waaaay easier said then done, but you'll see as time passes you'll be able to eat again, breathe normal again, see a photo without choking up, and that it was all for the better. Hugs <3

[Apollo56]

Thank you for the reply. Though it is hard, I am learning to let go. Like you said, she's made a decision and I cannot force her to change her mind. It does feel like it is getting better little by little. But it definitely still hurts. When I got home from dropping off my son, I decided to write her a letter.. not like a please take me back letter, it more of an acceptance letter. I just had to let her know what was on my mind.. whenever I talked to her she just seems to shut out every word I'm saying. Like she said, she has turned off all of her emotions. But I feel like for me to move on, I needed her to understand me. It wI'll be my last words to her when it comes to our relationship.. I guess it kinda gave me some closure. I do feel better. But definitely not 100%. That will take some time.