3 year on again off again relationship

[Kyle1234]

Hi guys,
My ex and I are in a sort of on again off again relationship. I still love her so much. When we first broke up a few months later I tried to get back together with her but she told me I was the only guy she loved but she was kind of interested in girls. She told me she still loved me and it started a fight because I was confused and I'm sure she was too. So after a few months when I had finally started to get over her she pleaded for me to get back together with her. We were together for 5 months and I was so happy. Then one night she told me that she loved me but she didn't love me romantically any more. So we got in a big fight and we walked away from eachother. I got really drunk that night with my brother. She had texted me that she was so sorry and wanted to be with me and made a mistake but I got black out drunk and my brother took my phone and said some mean things to her which I didn't like. I texted her the next day and she said she was sorry but I think me and her being together after that fight was ruined by my brother who pretty much told her to stay away from me. So we didn't talk very much after that, then we went out to a bar just to catch up. We had a great time and I ended up sleeping over. We woke up the next day and I left. We both didn't talk for a while after that just out of confusion I think. But lately for the past few months I've seen her a clubs and shes flirted with me and she's asked me to come over and said I can crash at her place any time( I've been invited to sleep over 3 different nights). Then one day I just got fed up and couldn't just text and see her from time to time so I texted her and told her how I really felt and sasked her to hangout to talk about things. She said she loved me but she didn't love me romantically, again. I said please let me just talk to you. Then she said "there's nothing between us". And I didn't answer. She broke my heart for the 3rd time. But I still love her so much. I don't know what to do. All I've ever wanted is to be with her. Her friend recently told me she loves me and still wants to be with me. I'm so confused. Do I even answer the text? Do you think she'll ever come back? And if she does should I even take her back? How do I even move on? I've tried twice already and it didn't work. I feel like I'm just at the mercy of her decisions. The time we spend together is the best time ever. She's the best friend I've ever had but she doesn't know what she wants and I'm getting hurt because of it. Please help me.

[melancholia]

She only wants to be with you when it's convenient for her, other than that, it seems pretty easy for her to cast you aside and do her own thing when it pleases her as well. I understand that you love her and that is really hard to let go of. What is making it harder for you is all this back and forth bullshit. Aren't you tired of this game yet? It seems as though you're the only one actually saying how you feel and what you want, and when you try to talk to her about it, she shuts down. That's not fair to you at all. It sounds like she wants to be single and keep you around at the same time, and you know what? She shouldn't get to have it both ways. She does not have the capacity to give you what you need from a relationship. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve to be happy with someone who can be happy with you, who loves you and respects you and what you have together.

The only way you can really break the cycle is by cutting off contact with her. It's not going to be easy, not at all; but in order for you to move on, it sounds like that's your only option at this point. I'd even go so far as to block her on social media, at least for now, until you sort yourself out and pick yourself back up again. Running into each other in public or on social media only makes the heartache last longer. A clean break will allow you to have some distance between you two, and the further away you are from the source of the problem, the clearer your perspective will become as you move forward. Eventually you will see all the major problems you had and why it didn't work out, and everything will make a lot more sense. Right now your judgment is clouded by the emotions your feeling, which is both understandable and normal. You're human, who has feelings, and you need to make your feelings and needs a priority.

[Kyle1234]

You're right. I don't want to be treated like this anymore. I deserve better and she doesn't deserve what I give to her. I'll cut contact with her and just live my life. I don't need to worry about someone who doesn't truly appreciate me or love me the way I deserve to be loved. Thank you so much.

[melancholia]

Good for you! Knowing what is best for you is half the battle. If you need any extra advice, or support, you know where to find us!