My girlfriend and I broke up because I went BALD...

[flawinnature]

Hey guys, I have posted this on some other forums but I would like to hear from you as well.

A month ago my girlfriend and I decided to break up...the break up was really peaceful, it was more like an amiable agreement to end the relationship rather than those crazy fights most people go through.

We were in a relationship of 4 years. The relationship was very good, at least the first 3 years. We had quite a strong bond, we could talk about anything with each other and no one of us, even if the topic was emotional for us or heavy we never attacked each other or insulted or manipulated others reaction, we spent a lot of time at the beginning of the relationship building trust and being empathetic with each other at the best of our abilities. We really loved and supported each other.

Personality wise, we were really a good match, not once it happened that I have been complemented by our or my friends that we are one of the happiest couples they saw...and we really were, I doubt that anyone who knew us would say otherwise.

Things were this good until 1 year ago...since then our relationship started going downhill...

The problem was...balding...I lost most of my hair due to MPB which is genetically inherited.

I started losing my hair 3 years ago, 1 year deep into our relationship. My girlfriend knew about this since it started and she laughed it off at the begging she said she does not care and that only shallow people care about this and this should not be a block to my happiness. This reassurance from her made me feel really good...even though I was very insecure about it having her love and assurance that I am the most attractive to her compensated for all that insecurity of mine.

The thing is, for the first 2 years the hair loss was quite slow and it did not really show, I had a haircut that made it look like I actually had a full head of hair even though I thinned a lot. But at some point 1 year ago, my hair loss started accelerating insanely fast, I was in shock because I expected to have it for at least 3-4 more years considering how things were going till that point...

So, in the last year I lost so much hair that I had to shave it because it looked horrible. (I took Propecia and minoxidil for a while and it helped slow it down for a while but they stopped working at some point plus I was having side effects).

Frankly, I look horrible with a shaved head, I am not one of those guys who can pull this look off, I also cannot grow a beard. This is the reason we broke up guys...

For the last year, I noticed that our relationship was not what it was before, my girlfriend seemed more distant and emotionally closed off, she would not laugh at my jokes as lively as she used to, she was much more often in a bad or depressive mood, in short she became much less happy.

Whenever, I asked her what the problem was she would always tell me it was because of X,Y,Z reason (that was almost never related to me or the relationship). Eventually, after months and months of her being this way she told me it was because she was not physically attracted to me anymore and no matter how much she tried getting over this or pretending it did not matter, the reality it was that it mattered...

Before I started losing my hair we were both 7-8 in looks (she was a 9 with make-up on), and we looked really good as a couple. A lot of people told us that we looked lovely together and are a perfect match.

But after I lost most of my hair and had to shave...I went really low down the attractiveness ladder. In my opinion, and a lot of other peoples opinion I became a 3-4 or maybe a 5 if you are really generous. I asked a lot of people anonymously and I about 80% rated me indeed as a 3 or 4 which was really hurting by the way...

So it was this disparity in looks that made our relationship fall...my girlfriend got prettier with every year and I got uglier. We started to look really weird as a couple since she was so good looking and I was down there.

She hid that she cared about this for so long because she knew how much I care about my hair and how insecure I was about it, she cried and hugged me after she confessed this to me after moths of silence and assured me she will not abandon me and will try to do everything in her power to make the relationship work even though I was cursed with baldness. We tried for a couple more months make the relationship work but it was impossible, she just could not bring herself to not care about it even though we tried everything. And I cannot blame her, being physically attracted to your partner is essential no matter how many people try to hide this fact.

The only option was us breaking up. We did in a very diplomatic and calm fashion.

I never knew how bad this will hurt...in the day of the break-up, strangely enough I did not feel much of anything but day after day the depression and pain started settling in...and man does it hurt... I am also more insecure about my physical attractiveness than ever and since we broke up I have not left the house. I am too anxious and depressed to be productive anymore.

[dollhouse]

Did she break up when the full extent of your hair was lost? She must have known it was to happen at some point, right? Do you think that was the only reason, or absolute main reason for breaking up or you think it must be that? ..that's a shame, do you think she broke up because she was no longer attracted to you because of the hair loss or extent of the hair loss? Attraction plays a big role for some in relationships and sex life, IDK seems a hard thing to believe that it was only that since she would know what the final outcome would be as she watched it with her own eyes for years and never broke up with you...if you felt you were a 7 or 8 losing your hair wouldn't drop you down that much, especially when wearing a ball cap or winter hat you'd still look like your old 8 self. Seems your confidence has taken a hit by this, sorry.
What bothers one won't bother another, so keep that in mind.

[Crys712]

Hi! If the only reason that she broke up with you is because you are balding then I may say that she doesn't really love you it's just physical attraction. If the girl really loves you she will accept whatever you looked like.I don't think that getting bald makes you less attractive, you become one because you alone cannot accept your looks. How can expect others to accept you if you cannot accept yourself. Maybe you lose your hair but but it doesn't mean that we have to lose our confidence to look good each day. I saw a lot of bad people who looks more attractive without a hair its just because they're outlook in life is still positive. So you should start to love yourself first and everything will follow. You can find girls who will love you and accept you as you are. Your girlfriend she is nothing, she loves only herself and herself alone.

[flawinnature]

Thank you for your comment, I apprectiate you taking the time to read and respond.

There is something I have a hard time believing however. "I don't think that getting bald makes you less attractive"

There was a study done by a dating site which concluded that you are 5x times less likely to get a response from women if you havea are balding or bald.

Does this not mean being bald is inherently much less attractive irregardless of how you feel about it?

[Jffs24]

^ You got 2 comments, only thanking for one lmao?

Least you no longer have to waste money on styling products or hair cuts or spending time in the mirror making your hair look presentable to the world.

I buzz mine as short as possible every summer so I don't have to bother with it and I'd think most women love a guy with a bald head, as long as he is tall not short because you know how women hate on the short dudes over the dudes with no hair.

[melancholia]

I agree, I don't think as many women are turned off by bald guys than you think, OP. I think your confidence is the bigger issue. It sounds like you lost a lot of self-esteem since losing your hair, and your girlfriend clearly felt you project that negativity into your relationship. Physical attraction is a huge factor in relationships, it's very important to feel attracted to your partner, but relationships also ebb and flow, and sometimes you will feel more attracted to your partner than other times, but it doesn't mean you love them less.

I think you should try working on your self esteem. Surround yourself with friends and family who keep you distracted from the heartbreak of the break up. It's tough to deal with a break up, but keeping a positive outlook on life will help you move forward a lot faster than if you continue to dwell on this. A lot of women out there won't care if you're bald, or if you have tons of hair. It doesn't make you less attractive if you're bald. What makes someone less attractive is negative energy, and a negative view of themselves.

Best of luck to you. I hope you start feeling better about yourself soon. Take good care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. If your best friend were asking you for this exact same advice, how would you respond to them?