So, the thread title says it all really. I'll give an overview of our relationship and my feelings below, please make comments.
My writing skills arent great so this may be a bit all over the place so bear with me.
The facts- I'm married for 4 years, ive been with my wife for 12 years, we have 2 kids aged 4 and 7. My wife is 6 years older than me. We had a great relationship until we had our 1st child. She suffered from anxiety after this, we slept in separate rooms for 2 years and by the time we had our 2nd child she no longer had anxiety. Our relationship has never been what it was like since before we had kids, and obviously i realise kids change everything. We didnt plan either of our children although we were both happy when we find out she was pregnant. Our sex life is infrequent, and this has always been a problem for me. We have spoke to counsellors for a couple of sessions a few years ago about our relationship, it didnt make any difference. Financially we are sound, we have a nice house and can both do things we want and we have our holidays etc etc.
We get along fine in general, dont really argue much at all, she is a brilliant mum, she does everything for me and she gives me the freedom to do the things i like doing. She really is perfect for someone, but not for me. I feel like we just live together and raise children, we dont really have a realtionship ourselves. I feel we've grown apart and i am no longer in love with her, she isnt the person i fell in love with and hasnt been since we had kids. We used to have fun together all the time but we havent in years. We do have the odd night out together which is always fine. Me and the kids are her world and thats what she lives for, i think she is happy enough with the relationship and her life though im sure she would like me to do more around the house.
And this is where me being a bastard comes in, and i do feel awful about it, i wish i wasnt like this but i cant help it.
I love my children very much, this goes without saying. However, i dont feel cut out for this life, Im married to someone i dont want to be with, i find the kids hard work and a lot of it feels like a chore. I work a 9-5 type of job that pays well, has its stresses but probably no worse than anyone else, but once i get home from work i find myself watching the clock till the kids bedtime. Me and the other half always spend our evenings in different rooms and generally go to bed at different times. We both do our own thing out of the house a couple of times per week as well which we are both happy with. I have to stress here, I have tried a lot in the last 7 years to make these things right, but i have given up now, and probably have a couple of years ago regarding the relationship. I just cant be bothered. I feel like im just plodding along in life.
And this is where it gets worse.
I've never cheated nor had an affair. However about 6 months ago i found myself falling for a girl at work. She pretty much reminds me of everything my wife was before we got married, this girl is 2 years younger than me and in a relationship. Although i was falling for her there was never any flirting between us, we just click really well and she didnt know how i felt until saturday night past when i told her on a work night out. She had said she never thought of me like that as i was married but we have been texting constantly since and it looks like something could really happy there. She isnt happy in her relationship, we both know we'd get on like a house on fire and id love to give it a go. She is keen to but does not want to be a 'homewrecker'. Which to me she isnt being, as my i feel like my relationship is done.
I feel absolutely awful about what is happening here, my wife does not deserve to have her heart broken, she is such a good person and mother and shes good to me too. I'm just not happy and havent been for a long time. There is also the heartbreak for the children and that will be my fault obviously. I know it opens a massive can of worms and once done can never be reveresed.
I guess what i am wanting is input from people, telling me im a complete bastard, telling me you only live once and go for it, telling me whatever they think on the matter. I am going insane and i need to talk about this to someone.