I care for him and I feel guilty dating others?

[RealLifeSeeker]

I've been dating a guy long distance, well I guess not anymore. The distance has not been a challenge for me, the thing that is a challenge is his hot/cold attitude. I did push quite a bit as I was super frustrated in the way he was treating me. I was sick the whole week and he never really asked how I was doing. I tried to talk to him directly, then said I would date other guys (I know I made a mistake). He would tell me along the lines of "oh I'm close to saying I love you", but at other times pushing me away, telling me he is hurting me that I should just leave. I find out that he isn't ready for a relationship and that we could be friends w/potential. I did not push the exclusive part of the relationship, he wanted to put the gf/bf title on it.

He has been hurt in the past and is afraid to be hurt again. I understand his hurt as nearly a year ago I left the 1st man that I ever loved. Is his cold attitude due to being afraid? He was really loving and affectionate when we 1st met, I know that could just be a show though. The funny thing is he doesn't want the time "apart" to date others and actually got sad when I would date other guys. I am not actively looking, but I'm not gonna sit on my butt like an idiot waiting for a guy, if an opportunity comes up I will go on dates w/guys (no sex or anything). I am really against this idea but I know if this helps him and we get back together then good, if I force it he will leave anyways. The convos lately have been very one sided selfish ones on his end. I appreciate his honesty, but since he was rarely texting me while we were in a relationship, I have a feeling that he won't be texting me at all.

[dollhouse]

Can't you both just keep it casual for the time being? Especially if he isn't ready for a full commitment? Have the talk if he'd prefer that, maybe see each other but others too, to see what it is you both really want and if decided each other then make it committed, only each other. Just be open and honest, so both agree on what is best for both of you, not only one of you since you both care for each other.

[RealLifeSeeker]

He wants to be "friends w/potential" and he was really resentful and sad when I mentioned dating other guys cause he said he wouldn't see other women.

[breathe123]

Your gender symbol ( MALE) says one thing & then your 2nd post makes it appear you are NOT male but female, should switch to the correct gender symbol to make things less confusing.

Does friends with potential mean F uck buddies for now? What does it mean? If they are not ready & you are, find another who feels as ready as you.

[RealLifeSeeker]

We are not sleeping together.

[breathe123]

Do you want to be, does he?

[TheEvilJester]

The bottom line is if this is not working out for you.... then it is not working out for you. I think you are awesome to care so much about hurting his feelings. The thing is, if he's unable or unwilling to commit the way you want, then it is best for you both if you just move on. Honestly, that doesn't make him wrong if he IS unwilling or unable to commit. What would make him wrong is to string you along and act like he can/will without ever actually doing that.

So, you've shared with him that you need something more serious. You've shared that you want to date other men. Heck, you are even leaving open then option that he continues to be ONE of those men, so if time were to prove it worthwhile, he could still end up being that more serious suitor. He can't have it both ways. Either he wants to be more serious with you, or he doesn't have the time or desire to commit to anything more serious. It would be perfectly fine if you were okay with that/you didn't mind being more casual and not so serious.

You seem to be okay with being casual to some degree.... as long as the eventual plan is for it to become more serious. So, if he can't provide that, then it is better for you both if you just move on. Don't let him force you into a situation where you are putting your life on hold because he promises your relationship will be more..... only for that never to happen.

Good luck to you either way.