*all the eye rolling emojis* When are you going to take the hint that she doesn't give a sh.it about you? She is playing both you and her ex and you both roll over and let her do it. She wants you when it's convenient for her and if she doesn't want to deal with you, she drops you. You aren't even in an exclusive relationship with her and you are putting up with her sh.itty behavior. It's never going to change. She's not going to stop seeing her ex, and it's incredibly unlikely she will ever commit to you, because you continue to reinforce her negative behavior by letting her get away with it every single time. It's pathetic at this point. You feel like garbage because to her, you are. She is throwing you around without a second of a thought about how you feel. What person agrees to clean their psychotic ex boyfriend's apartment and then stay there after he (allegedly) crosses her imaginary boundaries? She should have just left his apartment, or better yet - she shouldn't have gone there in the first place. You've repeatedly told her how uncomfortable you are with her friendship with her ex, and yet she doesn't do a damn thing about it. Then she has the audacity to tell you that it's unfair for you to make other plans after she's played you like a fool this whole time? Are you joking?
Part of me thinks you may be a troll and making this up because it's so unbelievable to me that you would STILL allow yourself to be involved in this mess after all of this. She is a drama and attention wh.ore. Nothing has improved at all with this girl, in fact, it's actually digressed into a bigger mess than when she was still dating her ex. You need to take a step back and refocus your energy onto something else. Seriously. If you don't do that at this point, then we can't give you any advice about this because you refuse to take it. I come on these boards to help people. No, you don't have to take people's advice just because they give it to you and you've asked for it. But when you return to these boards over and over again, with the same exact story, and the same exact questions of what to do, people get annoyed. You know exactly what you need to do, you just don't want to do it. There's a difference between not being able to do something and simply refusing to do it; and you, my friend, are simply refusing to make any moves toward improving your situation. You know this relationship isn't going to work out. She is not going to miraculously wake up one day and say, "Oh I finally want to be with RagnaRocke. I love him and he is fantastic and I'm going to tell my ex to f-uck off now so we can be happy together." That's what you hope will happen, but if it were going to happen, it would have already. She won't end this because she needs the attention from both of you, and she feeds on the drama she's swirled up in. That means you're going to have to bite the bullet and end this thing. Unless you decide to be perfectly happy with the way things are, right now, because nothing is going to change and you know it. It's blowing up right in front of your face and it will take you down.
The only thing you are wrong about here is that you say you deserve this. That's your biggest problem right there. You think you deserve this misery for some reason, so you keep yourself trapped in this mess. But you don't. Nobody deserves this kind of heartache. Even though I think you are being silly and completely ridiculous, I still don't think you deserve this. I think you deserve so much better and I've said that from the beginning. You need to start believing that you deserve better, because once you do, you will break this cycle and you will open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone better. This woman is a disaster. She doesn't have your best interests at heart, she doesn't care about you at all, even if you think she does and even if she says it. Her actions prove that she doesn't care, and she doesn't care about her ex either. She had an actual relationship with him and she still treats him like dogsh.it, what makes you think she would treat you any differently? She is a spoiled brat who believes she is entitled to attention and good treatment from men, without having to reciprocate. That is an unhealthy mentality to have and it's not fair to you at all. Why you think you deserve to be treated so poorly, I don't know; but you need to get your head out of the sand, wake the f.uck up and move on. You could be with someone so amazing, so fantastic, and so kind and thoughtful, and yet you are wasting your time on this c.unt. Stop doing that. You DO deserve better, and something better is out there; you just need to give up on this woman and start focusing your energy on more positive things.
"Caring is not an advantage."