She's Just Not that Into Me

[RedPyramid]

Hey Forum,

(I've never gone online to received real world help before so forgive me if I don't meet some protocol or something)

So there's this girl (it sounds cliché already) that I've liked since I started university 3 years ago. Now that I'm going into my fourth year, it seems like my feelings have only gotten stronger. Unfortunately, my feelings aren't reciprocated. Don't get me wrong, she's not mean about it; in fact she's very nice and polite. She just either doesn't like me, or just doesn't want to date anyone; the latter being the answer I got when I told her my feelings.

Normally, I can ignore my emotions. She's in the same program as me but we only see each other in class. However, I signed up to do a 5 month exchange (1 month in South Korea; 4 in China) to teach English as part of my program. Only 3 people on on this trip: me, a friend, and (sure enough) this girl. We get along really well, because we're very similar, unfortunately all this time spent together is only making my emotions stronger. My head know that nothing will happen (I talked to her and she said "never") but my.. heart I guess (?) doesn't seem to understand that. I'm not good at social things (I have a form of social anxiety) so hanging out with people I know is the best thing I can do, and as I said before, we get along as friends really well, but I can't seem to stop wanting more.

I guess my reason for writing here is two-fold... Both to document what's going on (I hear writing stuff out helps) and to seek advice on how to get rid of these romantic feelings that I can't seem to help.

Thank you.

[hazey daisy]

You need to retrain your brain. ****what is happening now***When you are bored or feeling down, you think of her to give you a boost am I right? Obsessing over someone is like an addiction. You use them as an escape, but when you have it yanked out from underneath you, you emotionally crash from the reality you can't have her. You are like chasing the dragon. To get over it you fantasize about being with her again, again, again, and the cycle starts again, again again. You need to break this cycle. How? by using other things to think about as a tool. Keep busy doing things that keep your brain challenged, like video games, chat rooms, a hobby, etc. Next, cut contact with this girl, stop hanging out with her, find other people that share your interests whether it be in person or online. The more you you do to stop thinking of her, the more opportunity you have to enhance your life and to meet someone who likes you. Right now as it stands, you at stuck because of her. When you go on your exchange, that will be your opportunity to meet nice girls. You need to close this girl off, and be open to new things.

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Tip: never express your feelings to a girl. Nothing can be more of a turn off as that. You like a girl you don't spend months admiring her from afar. What that allows you is creepiness....yes you become creepy, obsessing makes you creepy....

You need to work you your confidence. Confidence wins the girl. Take a look around you. You see those guys that nothing but girls around them? It's has nothing to do with looks, it has a lot to do with their confidence level. If you have no fear, you will have girls period. Start your practicing on girls that don't intimidate you. Chat them up, see what works and what doesn't work. You are not obligated to date these girls, you own then nothing. Learn, and work your way up the , attraction ladder. You can't expect miracles over night but with hard work and time you will succeed.

[RedPyramid]

Thank you for the advice. I've never gone through something like this before so it's good to have another opinion.

[hazey daisy]

That's what life is all about...learning from our experiences. Those hard knocks is what better prepares you for what's to come.