Always falling for guys who GHOST me!

[Brooklyn Rose]

For some reason, I always fall in love and get involved with guys who ghost me and after a disagreement, disappear and refuse to work things out. The last 2 relationships I've had, the men said they "needed time to think" and then I didn't hear from them for 6 months to a year. Instead of talking with me and working it out, both relationships -which lasted over a year each - just ended in the middle of nowhere and they came back much later on as if wanting to pick up the pieces, which I couldn't do.

How can I avoid meeting a man who follows this pattern? One of them was a man 20 years older than me and the other one was my age. I pursued a serious relationship with both of them but they both dealt with our conflicts the same way. I want to break this pattern and meet someone who's good at communication and loves me enough to work things out instead of disappearing. I'm also more bitter and untrusting because of all this even though I would love companionship and intimacy.

There's no way to know if someone is capable of ghosting when I first meet them and i don't want to waste my time on them for years if they're going to handle themselves this way at ANY point. Is this man hard to find?? Are they all ghosts???

[melancholia]

Can you give more details on the types of problems that came up in these relationships?

[Brooklyn Rose]

In both of the relationships, after one heated dispute, they fled the scene and refused to work it out. More specifically, the first man couldn't handle being with me and helping me after I survived Hurricane Sandy, so he ghosted me until I got my life back together 6 months later to talk to me - and I'd lived with him for 2 months!!! The next guy got "scared" because we argued about petty things he created so he just walked away without telling me the truth about what was going on. Both of these guys came back to me, so it seems like ghosting is an easy way for them to disappear with intentions of "coming back"when they're ready...How can I find a man who WON'T run away when we have conflicts!!!

[melancholia]

I don't think this is the kind of behavior that you can really predict, especially if these guys have ghosted on you after completely different circumstances. Maybe your problem is that you haven't laid enough of a strong, healthy foundation with these men before things get tough. Every relationship hits a rough patch from time to time, and the longer you are with a person, the easier it is to overcome those rough patches. Maybe you should try taking things more slowly the next time you meet a potential SO. Take your time getting to know them and find out what they want from a relationship and a partner. It sucks when you get rejected by anyone, especially if they don't give you a reason why; but there is always someone else around the corner that could be fantastic for you. So hold your head up and keep moving forward. Eventually you will find someone great who won't leave you without warning.

[NewJack]

... How can I avoid meeting a man who follows this pattern? ...

I don't think you'll ever be able to answer that question. The only way to know is by discussions over time. You'll have to speak with him about what troubles you and try to evaluate his answer for openness and honestly.