HELP! Contact or no contact?

**RyanJames** · 22-08-16, 08:09 PM

Thanks for reading.

My gf of 7 months was the love of my life, I've not met anyone I loved so much in 16 years and this one was by far the one that I wanted to be with more than any I have ever met before. I have had a lot of girlfriends, so this is a measured, intelligent, sensible and rational feeling about her, not some "lonely guy gets lucky and doesnt want to loose his gf" situation. I have 3 other girls I could go right into a relationship with right now, either just on a sexual level and one who really likes me, so I'm not lonely if I dont want to be - I am very successful with girls if I want to be. Its just that there were so many amazing qualities about this one girl, that I really, really dont want to loose her.

Anyway, she told me she thought we should break up 2 weeks ago, by text message, there were very good reasons for this seemingly careless behaviour and she was doing it that way to (in her mind) spare me pain, although she admits that was a little misguided.

We had a meeting for the first time yesterday and discussed sensibly and amicably the reasons for her wanting to break it off.

First, she still loves me and I still love her very much. It was visible in her eyes and in her hug, I can tell when a girl is faking it! But, she wants to travel, back packer style, all over the world. She want to go jungle trekking and mountain climbing, she wants a family and husband who can join her on those expeditions. We are talking pretty wild stuff here and it is not me - I am more the beach and 5* resort type! We had talked about this and we had decided to take some separate holidays and some together doing each others thing and some combined where I would hike a trail with her, she would climb and I would take photos (I'm a keen photographer).

But then she went off to Thailand and did a backpacking jungle trekking thing for a couple of weeks and realised that I would never be able to fit in with that and that she had been suppressing her desire for this activity in order to be with me. She also realised that if we have kids in 5-10 years when she wants them, by the time they are 10, I will be 70!

We love each other so much, we dont want to break up, our relationship is absolutely brilliant in every other respect, her being the physical activity type and me being the brainy business type has been working as a great complimentary throughout our time together.

So. finally we get to the question. Last night we agreed it was the right thing to do. I dont want to hold her back. But, this morning she sent me an email, saying she couldnt sleep, I replied saying the same. So many people are advising things like go no contact for 30 days, dont reply to that sort of thing and that will help make her want me more. Others (and my instinct) are saying, talk, communicate, be there to support each other through this at the very least and if there is any way of finding a solution that is mutually acceptable then communication is the only way of finding it.

The same people who advocate no contact would not have thought it wise for us to have a chat last night, they would say I should have initiated n/c from the day she sent me the text 2 weeks ago, but my instinct led to yesterdays conversation and it was great, it brought us both peace and understanding in a kind, loving way, which, if it does end here is a much better way to end it than to simply cut off all contact and use "trick techniques" to try and get her back.

If I do go no contact, then should I say to her, I think we should not communicate for 30 days, or simply cut her off. If I do that, then she sends me messages, I will feel awful and she will wonder why Im not replying.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance

**Teague12** · 26-08-16, 10:35 PM

Go with your gut!!!!! It knows you a lot better than anyone else. Every one of your friends will be looking at it from their own perspective and what they think they would do, but there are only 2 ppl in your relationship. Communication builds connection!!

**Changes** · 29-08-16, 04:10 AM

If you ever use no contact, you have to explain, otherwise it's just cruel. The only time to go no contact without explanation is when there's abuse occurring. In a situation like yours, if you need time to think without talking to her, just say so. "I need some time and space to think about everything we've talked about. Can we get together in a month? Until then, I'd like to not talk, okay?" That's kinder and understandable (and might be good for both of you).