Is she being used to blackmail me?

[Alopolo]

Recently I made a pretty important decision In my life which was regarding the fate of the organization that I govern and lead. There was a woman I used to be in love with when I was just a junior at this organization and when she was actually my superior. For over a year I lusted after her but never actually did anything about it mostly because she was my superior and it would be unprofessional. However after a while she eventually took notice of my behaviour towards her and I think she came to an understanding regarding my feelings for her. However we never talked about it and I’m not sure what she actually thought of me. Moving on to 2016/present where I made an important decisions (but yet have not carried it out). This decision is strongly opposed by my family and some of my coworkers who have an important role in the organization. Yesterday my crush suddenly showed up to my office and tried to convince me against this decision. When I rejectd her proposal she (to my utter shock and disbelif) remarked that any chances of her and I possibly dating would be diminished if I carried my decision forward. For some reason I feel as though this was a blackmail from my family/coworkers and that she does not actually wish to date me nor does she actually care that much to have approached me on her own accord. However my feeligns for her are still strong. I’m in my late 30s and shes early 40s and we are still single. I have never actually became so unsure of the outcome of my decision. I softly rejected her during our meeting and she walked out with a blank expression that I could not read into. I’m not sure exactly what to do. I can say I like her enough to change my decision regarding the organization but A) im not sure if she actually meant what she said and B) I do not like to change my beliefs for anyone. Do you guys think she was pushed to do this by others and she did not mean we will actually get to date? Not sure what my next moves or 'tests' should be. Thanks in advance.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I think there are some important details missing from your story that would help clarify things a bit. You don't HAVE to share anything you'd rather not, but if you are comfortable sharing it could help.

For example, what exactly is the change you are considering making? Because, considering she was your superior, I don't see how a change to your work situation could make you two less likely to date. I would think her being your superior would actually make that less likely.

I would also wonder how/why would your family have pressured her into making this claim to you? Does she know your family? Does your family work at the same place as you? IF so, then I could certainly understand your suspicion that they maybe put her up to it. If your family has nothing to do with your place of work, then I don't know how they would have influenced your crush/co-worker to try to convince you against your decision.

I will say this, though.... I personally could not care much less if she did this of her own accord or if she was put up to it.... If I were you, that right there would be proof enough that she's not right for me after all. A good person doesn't try to use emotional blackmail to force you to make a decision they want you to make. IF she sincerely was interested in dating you, she should want to do so regardless of your decision. So, the very fact that she's trying to hold that over your head to get what she wants would personally lead me to believe she is not sincerely interested in you at all.

Hell, even if she is.... I personally cannot help but imagine what sort of selfish manipulative person she must be to be able to do something like that, and I'd not be so interested in her anymore if I were you. So, honestly, my personal advice would be to forget her no matter what you decide regarding your work situation. Maybe that isn't necessarily want to do, and I can certainly understand that.... but I just can't in good conscience give you any other advice based on the details you have shared.

I mean.... she suddenly chooses NOW to acknowledge that she knows you like her.... and it's only in trying to get her way? Why would you trust that? Good luck to you either way.