Should I stop trying to be friends with this girl?

[CarlosDangerLol]

I met this girl online and we went on one date, no touching just a hug and no kissing but we both realized we love going to the gym so for the following 15 or so days we were just at the gym killing it. Then suddenly after 15 days she jumps me and starts kissing me and almost begging to try having a relationship together. I said yes for no logical reason, and 3 days later was at her house with the intent being sex, but I ended up leaving without doing anything more than kissing once she started talking about having kids in her future. The quickest way to kill my attraction to you is to talk about kids, and I knew there was no future for us.

So we decided we aren't meant for a relationship and went back to killing it at the gym, but it doesn't seem to be the same and she seems annoyed that I am texting another girl when we workout. Should I just give up on trying to workout with this chick or is it possible for her to just accept us as friends? She is the best workout partner I've ever had, and she has lost 16lbs since we started working out together I really like her as a friend and want to see her achieve the body of her dreams and find the man of her dreams.

Am I just hurting this poor girl trying to be her friend? Trying to decide if I should cut her off but I would feel terrible she is super nice and I only want what is best for her.

[TheEvilJester]

Going BACK to being just friends so rarely works out. It certainly CAN, but it usually does not. That said.... I could be wrong, but in this case I don't necessarily think you should do anything. At least not yet. At this stage, you are fine with being just friends with her. So, don't try to interpret how she is feeling and make a decision FOR her. Maybe she is okay with just being your friend and won't let it interfere with her life. Maybe she's not there YET, but she will get there.

That is really for her to decide. So, my personal thought would be not to cut her off at this stage. Now, if it becomes obvious she still wants more with you, and despite any hints (or even just directly telling her you only like her as a friend) she still does not seem to get it..... Then at that point you may want to consider cutting her off once and for all just for her own good (as much as for yours). There could come point where that is necessary.

It's just, for now, you are not a mind-reader as far as I know. So, you can't really know what she's thinking. So, don't try to guess and do what you THINK is needed when maybe it really isn't. ....Again, though, only up to a point.

Good luck!

[dollhouse]

How about being honest? Tell her all the kids talk was a turn off, but say it nicer than that lol let her know why you changed your mind, in order to help her with future guys so she doesn't jump the gun with let's start a family/kids talk too soon and squash future relationships too.... So be a friend and be honest.

[CarlosDangerLol]

Going BACK to being just friends so rarely works out. It certainly CAN, but it usually does not. That said.... I could be wrong, but in this case I don't necessarily think you should do anything. At least not yet. At this stage, you are fine with being just friends with her. So, don't try to interpret how she is feeling and make a decision FOR her. Maybe she is okay with just being your friend and won't let it interfere with her life. Maybe she's not there YET, but she will get there.

That is really for her to decide. So, my personal thought would be not to cut her off at this stage. Now, if it becomes obvious she still wants more with you, and despite any hints (or even just directly telling her you only like her as a friend) she still does not seem to get it..... Then at that point you may want to consider cutting her off once and for all just for her own good (as much as for yours). There could come point where that is necessary.

It's just, for now, you are not a mind-reader as far as I know. So, you can't really know what she's thinking. So, don't try to guess and do what you THINK is needed when maybe it really isn't. ....Again, though, only up to a point.

Good luck!

I appreciate your advice, it seems to be working out. I tried to be a mind reader and figure her out, but after working out for 4 or 5 days she is telling me about her new man and whatever drama is going on. I feel like I'm now one of her girlfriends or something, which I am fine with, as long as we keep getting awesome workouts. Thanks!

[TheEvilJester]

How about being honest? Tell her all the kids talk was a turn off, but say it nicer than that lol let her know why you changed your mind, in order to help her with future guys so she doesn't jump the gun with let's start a family/kids talk too soon and squash future relationships too.... So be a friend and be honest.

Yeah, I think I'd agree with that. At least if it comes up, anyway. I mean, I think I'd maybe say don't necessarily bring it up yourself. But, if she actually did ask, I think just politely saying something like "I mean, it wasn't like we didn't get along, I thought you were great and still do now. It's just, you started talking about kids and to be perfectly honest, I just don't think I want kids. I didn't want to lead you on when we didn't want the same thing, so I figured it was better for us to remain friends."

I mean, obviously put that in your own words, but that is one thought on how you could be honest yet also gentle if the question does happen to come up.

[CarlosDangerLol]

Well it didn't work out. She wouldn't stop flirting and sending half naked images of herself when I'm with my new girlfriend. I just sent her an awkward text saying sorry it's not gonna work out and blocked her number. I feel terrible, but it is what it is...

[TheEvilJester]

Well, you really could have handled it better.... but I'll at least give you credit for this....


At least you did something. You could have just kept leading her on and that would only have hurt her even more in the long run. I have NO sympathy for people who choose just to "ghost" somebody. So, you probably should have talked to her rather than just a quick text like that, but at least you did something to let her off the hook.