How do I handle this?

[SillyWilly]

Okay, there is a girl that has basically put me into a relationship with her without me realizing. I saw her in person one day and just chatted with her like any other person. I though she was nice and considered her a friend. She asked for my information one day after saying she wanted to show me a video. But she never sent a video and started talking to me a lot. I didn't really think anything of it, just thought she liked to talk. Then it started getting different, started talking about things like her ex and asking me about my relationship status and things like that. I started wondering if she was trying to give a signal but I tried keeping it at friend type talk. To wrap it up, basically she's coming onto me hard and fast. And I don't really want a relationship with her. She's nice and it would be nice to be friends but that's it. My gut feeling says no, I'm not attracted to her, not that looks are all that matters, and there's stuff in her life I don't want to get caught up in. I don't know what to do without being rude or making her feel bad. Also I may have given out signals that I'm interested back without even thinking about it.

[pcmaster]

Maybe go on a date with her to see if you like her. From what it looks like she came to you too easy, like trowed herself at you so thats why you are not interested in her because shes not a challenge. But girl could be good for increasing your dating experience and experience with girls. I mean you are lonely as you want to be, might as well interact with girls and get something out of it.
Then again with girls you actually like you might not have a chance because you would lack confidence and be shy - side effects of lacking experience. You need any kind of experience to make it right down the road with girls that will actually matter to you.
In your place I wont turn girl down but give her chance to see where things goes. And in the end you dont like her you could just hit it and quit it.

https://www.facebook.com/viralthread/videos/582587785247242/?pnref=story

[TheEvilJester]

Me personally, I would not recommend going on a date with her unless you actually do think maybe you could be interested in her. It sounds to me like you are 100% NOT interested in her as anything more than a friend..... so to go on a date with her wouldn't be fair to her. Again, not unless you were actually sincerely doing so because you thought maybe you could like her as more than a friend.

I guess, one thing you could do to try to start subtly hinting is just use the word "friend" more. Things like saying "You're a really good friend!" or stuff like that. I mean, don't beat her over the head with it, so to speak. LOL! You don't want to make it obvious you are TRYING to say that, you just want to give the obvious impression that you only think of her as a friend.

To be honest, part of why I say that is because you don't necessarily know for sure that IS her intention. Maybe she just wants to be friends as well, but she's just more open with friends. So, what if you assumed she wanted more and reacted based on that.... only to find out you were wrong? That could be very insulting/hurtful to her.

Though, I'd say this.... if it ever gets to a point where you can tell for sure she wants more than a friendship.... and if she does not seem to be taking a hint from you that you don't want anything more.... Then that may be the time to let her down gently. Just, as kindly as you can put it, tell her you really like her as a friend, but you just only see her as a friend. That you'd love to still be friends, but that if she can't do that you would understand if you two have to go your separate ways.

Good luck to you.

[melancholia]

Honestly, you can't be friends with her. If she has feelings for you, it would be disastrous to try and have a platonic relationship with her. As a woman, who has been in this exact situation with many men before, I can honestly tell you a friendship will not work out. She will always be hoping you will change your mind and start a romantic relationship with her, and for whatever reason it is that you don't want one with her, know that that reason is valid. I know that saying you want to be friends sounds like a nice way to let her down gently, but it will backfire. If one person has romantic feelings that are unrequited, it creates an unbalanced relationship dynamic that is really challenging to correct. It's honestly not worth it, IMO. Having said that, I do think you should let her down gently. Tell her you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship at this time, but that you think she's a lovely person, and you wish her all the best. Leave it at that, and be on with it.

[TheEvilJester]

Definitely agreed if it seems obvious she wants to be more than friends. I only offer the possibility as sort of food for thought on the possibility that maybe she does just want to be friends. Based on the original story, it does SOUND like she wants to be more than friends, but there wasn't a whole lot of detail shared, so it can be hard to know for sure.

If you are pretty certain she does want to be more than friends, though, I would agree with melancholia.