Affair with ex fiancé

[Confusedmumof2]

Good evening, I need some advice as I'm unsure on what to do, please don't bash or leave nasty comments as I know what's right and wrong -

So ... me and my boys dad split 2 years ago from our relationship of nearly 5 years - few months before due to be married! It wasn't the most perfect relationship as his ex wife was constantly involved in our lives because of his family and she done everything she could to make things as difficult as possible but I've never stopped loving him! Have tried moving on but always compared them to him and always ended up failing after a few months - we split before our boy was 1 and he got back with his ex wife and are now married (go figure!) playing happy families letting my boy call her mum and acting as if I don't exist - that was until a few weeks ago ... he picked our boy up as normal but 5 mins later starts messaging me rather flirty messages, playing it cool I brushed them off, until he started messaging me while he was at work - I used the opportunity to get closure on the old relationship but found myself being flirtatious back! Me and him always had a connection like no other, not just sexual but on every level!
Anyway long story short we have slept with each other a few times, and always seems to be the complete opposite of what he says by message (tells me he is going to be rough and dirty but is loving and caresses me and kisses me non stop!) he says he's worried about me saying something and his wife finding out but then goes on and says he cant help himself with me, he brings up the good things of our past and constantly asks if I'm sleeping with anyone else other than him ... is this just purely sex on his half or is there something deeper than he is saying?! - I feel bad for the affair but selfishly don't as I still love him!?!

Thanks in advance

[Bebe11]

Your ex cannot have it both ways. If he is back with his wife, then don't you think you should move on? I know you will have to keep in touch with him because of your son, but it may be time for some ground rules for the future. Sometimes when we love someone we have to let them go. I know that God has the perfect person out there who will love and honor you and your son. Don't give up hope! Hugs to you!

[S0NofHAM]

Love is pretty complicated.

It seems that the love still exists between you two, and the three of you have formed a sort of love triangle.

There is no simple solution to this.

Just know that the game that both of you are playing is dangerous on both ends, and can lead to a lot of hearts breaking. With that said, go with your heart. If you love him and want him back and want him to get a divorce, then fight for him. If it's not worth it and you want to move on, then do so. However, you probably shouldn't keep sleeping with him because that's cheating on his side. I'd recommend that you delay sex until he gets a divorce, but continue to see him or talk to him without sex.

You should simply be honest to yourself, and honest to him. It's hard to say if she, or you, or anyone deserves him: that is up to him to decide. We can always make our choices to be with someone, and they have to choose back whether they want to be with us, and no one but that couple has the right to decide if they are to be together. So if your hearts says that you gotta move on and let their relationship be, or if your heart says that you love him and you want him back, either way, your decision is justified because you are going with your heart and no one is forcing your ex-fiance to do anything--it's his life to live.

Apparently, she was with him first, and you second, and then her third, and now a fourth time it was you by landing him in bed and stealing his heart (he said he wanted rough sex and it became gentle sex). Maybe he's just playing you for the sex, but I highly doubt it. Men can be fickle and emotional, but we also tend to be honest with the women we care about. If he really loved you in the past and it seems he did (5 year relationship), then there's no way he could use you as a **** buddy. That would make his heart implode like a neutron star if he's anything like me.

It seems like he's having a hard time choosing between you and her. It's love, though, and love is complicated and painful. You both love him, and he loves you both, each in his own way, and a different love for each. Who are you to him? Who is he to you?

He's probably confused right now, because he doesn't know who he'll spend the rest of his life with. You have the advantage, though, despite his marriage with her, because he has a kid with you. That seems special to me and something to fight for.

In the end, he'll end up choosing the one whom he loves the most and thinks loves him the most back.

I mean, I don't think anyone in the world can tell you what is right and wrong on this matter. No priest or politician or peace officer or anyone can go to you and say that you have no right to have sex with him or fight for him back. Ultimately, that is your choice and his to have sex or to talk to each other. Adultery is legal. Love is legal. I'm not religious, so I don't think that adultery is a sin to god, but I know it's definitely a sin to your partner. Adultery certainly put scars on a relationship, and that's something painful about love: it can come with scars.

It's 2-2, between you and her (1.her, 2.you, 3.her, 4.you), and she fought for him back while you were with him making a baby, so you pretty much have the right to fight for him back while he's married to her. If I were you, and if I really loved him, then I'd put my boxing gloves on, put my mouthpiece in, and get him back. That's how I'd feel at least if someone took my girl away but I still *really, really* loved her and had a kid with her. Meanwhile, though, I'd be crying my eyes out every night if the woman I love with sleeping with a husband who isn't me. If that's the pain that you're going through, then who can tell you that you don't have the right to fight for his love back?

So basically, in this love triangle, there have been certain things to cause him to break up with each of you in the past, and there are things in the present which are also breaking rules: he is cheating on her, so he's breaking a rule with her, and he is married to her, so he's breaking a rule with you (someone you love shouldn't go and marry someone else. That's a rule basically). So you and him have a history of breaking each other's rules, and thus you have scars on your relationship (trust me I know about scars on a relationship), and right now you are moving in separate directions in life, but each of you are calling out to one another by reconnecting and having sex, and your love is strong on some level. The question is whether or not your love is strong enough to overcome all of your scars and broken rules between each other, and to forgive each other, and live together the rest of your lives.