He went back to the ex

[daisyflower]

I met a man who had been separated for 8 months. They had two kids together age 6,4. He had the kids 4 nights a week as per their agreement. He stated they had tried councelling and had slept in separate rooms for 2 years. He said he hated her because she was cold, controlling, using. He explained they married because they had dated a few years, got on ok, so it seemed the logical next step for them.
We met and hit it off. We have been happily dating 4 months. He told me for him it was love at first sight. He told me he has never felt love as strongly as he did for me. He told me every day how much he loves me. And said he felt terrified that he may ever lose me. So we decided it was time for him to tell his ex he had met someone and was moving on. He told me he loved me and couldn't wait for our future together to start. He spent an hour talking with her. Then came to my place as we had previously arranged.
He walked into my house. Sat down. And told me he had decided to go back to his wife because it " was time he started being a proper father ". Then he walked out and left. He immediately blocked my number and has not talked to me since. I was completely blind sided. I thought we were inlove.
I'm confused. What do people think? Will he comitt to her and they will last? Or is he likely to come crawling back?
P.s. She moved back into his house the very next day!!

[TheEvilJester]

Divorce can be a complicated process, and even more so when children are involved. To be perfectly honest with you, he really shouldn't have been getting involved with you before all of that was finalized, and this is a great big example of why. If it makes you feel even the littlest bit better, I will say, though, that he probably didn't intend to hurt you. He probably fully meant everything he said to you, but just didn't realize himself that he was still going through a lot and was not yet ready for a new relationship.

Of course, unfortunately, it is also equally possible that he knew exactly what the Hell he was doing. And, sadly enough, whether he had the best of intentions or not, the end result is really the same for you. So, it is entirely possible him getting back with his wife is a HUGE mistake. He may learn that in time. He may realize that he can be a proper father to his kids without having to be married to her. Honestly, children are so much better off with two happy parents who are NOT together then they are with two miserable parents who ARE still together.

But, that is his mistake to make. He made the mistake of casting you aside to go back to somebody he already knows does not work well with him. Personally, my advice to you would be not to accept him back even if he does come begging back. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. You can leave the option open for the future. I just wouldn't recommend welcoming him back immediately with open arms.

If he did try to come back to you any time soon, I think my personal advice would be you say something along these lines (obviously putting it into your own words):

"Look, I really enjoyed what I thought we had. I would love to explore that if there really could be something there. But, the bottom line is it really hurt me when you were able to dismiss that so easily and go back to your ex. Believe me, I understand why you did that. I understand you felt it was right to do for your children, and I respect that. It doesn't change, though, that I am not okay being somebody's rebound, and that is exactly how this made me feel. So, for now, I think you need to take time and deal with all of that. For that time, we can certainly stay in touch if you'd like. Down the road, if you are past all of that and still feel like you want to give us another shot, we can talk about it then. For now, though, I just need some time."

Whether or not he decides he wants you back, right now my advice to you is to move on as though you are assuming he is gone for good. Treat this like a break-up. Take time to heal yourself. Take time to be happy again without him. Then, get back out there and look for your true love elsewhere. In time, if he gets over all his drama and decides he wants to get back with you, let that be his job to come looking for you. If he does, and you feel like you want to give him another chance then, that is perfectly fine. But, don't put your life on hold waiting for him. Especially not after he HAD you and he cast you aside so easily. You don't deserve that. You deserve somebody who truly appreciates you, who wouldn't DARE to lose you. If that isn't him, then that is his loss, not yours.

Good luck to you!