I have no idea how to deal with the situation I have gotten myself into. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We met at work and we were both in school at the time with great ambitions. Then its as if we sabotaged each other and got in the way of our success. We got so wrapped up in each other that he ended up failing his last semester in college. He was about 4 classes short of his degree because of this. Also at the time we started dating it was difficult because he had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a manipulative girl who proceeded to fake a pregnancy for about 6 months after they broke up. (We started dating about a month and a half after he broke up with her). She didn't make things easy but neither did he. Anyway as time went on and after he told his parents he failed and would not actually be graduating, which he waiting to inform them until AFTER we all went to his graduation ceremony and celebrated. Why? Because he never bothered to check his final grades and assumed he was done. That's kind of his thing as you'll soon find out. After he told them we were all pretty upset but they offered to pay for him to go back and finish the credits. He waited too long to be able to sign up for the Fall 2014 semester so he signed up for the Spring 2015 one. It's also worth mentioning we had lived together from the beginning of our relationship at my dad's house. My dad was cool about it and he no longer had a room at his parents house so it was just something we felt was logical. At the end of 2014 we decided to get an apartment together near school for the summer of 2015 until 2016 which was when I was supposed to graduate. You have to start the leases almost a year ahead of time because they go so fast. We were both going to the same school about an hour away from our home so we commuted the semester he went back(spring 2015). I am 2 years behind him age-wise. It was difficult. We had gotten into a huge fight about money because he was not being responsible and he needed to find a higher paying job so that he could afford his half of the rent while I was in school. I was able to pay for mine with student loans. After I gave him an ultimatum and found him a new job he went to the interview and thankfully got it. We were both working and going to school full time and commuting hours a day usually with one car. It took a major toll but we got through that because we new we had the apartment to look forward to. No more commuting, he would be done with school and have a degree so he could start his career and I could focus on finishing school. Well guess what. He failed the one class he really need to pass to graduate a second time. We did not tell his parents but his mom sure as hell suspects it. He has to lie to her about it all the time and it kills me. So still more than a year later he has yet to go back and finish that one class. I have really tried to get him back there. I ask him about it every few weeks because I don't want to be annoying but I know he wont do it. I end up researching into when he can take it and how to get enrolled again and he never follows through. I'm so fed up but I feel terrible because I am certainly not perfect. About a week after Thanksgiving 2015 I found out that my father died in a car accident. I'm not going to lie it's ****ed me up so much and I am no where near a healthy state of mind. It's only made our relationship worse. My dad was EVERYTHING to me. He was my best friend and I miss him so much and I feel so alone. I had to leave school and we moved back to my dads house to take care of it. My mom and brothers now live with us. My parents were divorced but my mom also owned the house but she moved out when they broke up. I find myself resenting him constantly and wishing he would cheat on me so I can be mad and have an excuse to break up with him but I also love him and can't imagine not having him in my life. I don't know if I can deal with another loss like that after my dad. I honestly feel betrayed and I don't really trust him anymore because of the school thing and he never takes care of his responsibilities. He is a child and I love that he is goofy and fun but I can't handle the letdown anymore. I don't want to break up with him because I don't think he would get over it and it would break my heart but I also can't stand being with him a lot of the time. I'm always trying to get him to hang out with other people without me and I don't even know why. We share so much stuff and he pays a good portion of the bills that I don't know if I could afford without him. We also have a dog together who is 1. I know that he wouldn't want to take her but I also can't stand the thought of her not seeing him all the time. All of these factors are tearing me in half and I can't figure out what to do. Also a huge part of my issue is when we first started dating I was getting healthy and I had lost a lot of weight. I have gained it all back and then some and I hate my body and don't even want to be sexual with him at all anymore. My sex drive isn't completely gone but I actually don't like being intimate with him and I think that's because I feel like he has betrayed my trust. It kills me because he can be so sweet and I wanted to grow with him but I don't see that happening anymore. Im sorry this is so long. Our story is complicated and I am all over the place. If you made it this far you're great!